Just having a rant I guess

I'm lonely and I feel like ranting about my story. This seems as good a place as any to do it.

I was born 28 years ago. 28 freaking years I've felt like this.

My dad left when I was a baby, my mother has a severe mental illness that went untreated until I was grown up and so as a result I was pretty much on my own my whole life. I don't have any siblings or much of an extended family. I got a small circle of friends but I find that people tend to drift away from me after a while.

My life has been so unusual at times and my experiences so different to the people I hang out with that I honestly don't think anyone will ever come close to understanding where I am coming from. I feel like I am on a different page to the world around me.

People just see me, an average guy who should have achieved more by his age. They don't see the fight in me, the struggle to make something out of the crappy hand I was dealt.

I feel like even the friends I do have don't really get me. They are nice people and I would do just about anything to help them out if they needed it, but I can't help feeling that even around the people I know best that I just don't really belong. When I am alone though I often feel terrible and wish someone would get in contact with me or show some interest.

Only one person ever really showed much interest in me, that was an ex-girlfriend who i am still friends with. Her heart is in the right place and she knows me pretty well, but even though we've known each other for a few years she doesn't get me.

I've gone out with a few girls since her, but they were so wrong for me it's scary. I'm not too fussy. I don't expect much more than a good heart and someone who cares. Sometimes I go through phases where lots of girls are interested in me ... some are nice, some aren't .. most are too impatient to get to know me or quickly show themselves to be the kind of people I would rather be alone than have to deal with.

I don't know ... I'm a good guy and there are lots of other good people in the world too, but I just feel so distant from everyone. I get this feeling under my skin, just coldness ... I just wish I could get a hug sometimes but hey .... nobody sees the average, burly guy on the street and thinks he needs a hug or someone to care for him.

Yeah, I rambled but I had to get it out.

I would totally hug you right now if I could <3

Hello Somedude,
I know a little bit about how you feel. I can understand things are hard for you. Sometimes people with "normal" families don't realize how lucky they have it. Families teach us skills. Moms and Dads are suppose to be there to teach us about life and support and love thier kids. When the parents aren't there or are dysfunctional, it's the children that suffer. It's kind of hard to know what "normal" is and I will use that term loosely. A child does end up growing up on thier own and worse sometimes, ends up taking on the role of being the caretaker to one or both parents.

I am really sorry to hear your mom had undiagnosed mental illness. It's very hard to grow up with a parent that has mental illness because their perceptions are somewhat skewed. My life too, has been unusual. There have been many times I felt that no one gets me and that I am a strange, eccentric person. I was a loner and often picked on when I was small. As far as other people thinking you should have acheived more, you are right when you say they don't see the fight in you or the struggle that you have had to overcome. There is a quote that has a lot of truth in it to me by William Jennings Bryan. I will share it with you. "You cannot judge a man's life by the success of a moment, by the victory of an hour, or even by the results of a year. You must view his life as a whole." It's not where you are, it's how far you have come

I hope I have not offended you in anything I have said. I seem to be unintentionally having that effect on people.

((((((((((((((((((Somedude)))))))))))))))))))

Thanks guys.

And Naleena, I am not offended at all. You actually seem to have a pretty good insight into things, I wish more people looked at things the way you did.

I never felt I belong in somewhere.
Yes I felt sometimes I found it but it turned out I wasn’t.

I do have some friends but not close to enough to talk about dark side(?) what is really going on in my mind. I know well they don’t want to talk about this stuff.
When I express myself they said I supposed study philosophy.
Nothing to complain about them me also don’t understand why they keep their marriage life even they said that is unhappy.

I will give you hugs.
When I give hugs if might I need hugs too.