My first song!

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Chris 2

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The Young and Lonely
by
Chris 2

One day, when were all young and lonely
One day, when the sun never shine
One day, when it seem like all hell is breaking loose
Welcome to my life
From the early moment, to the end of times
When will it just all end

Seeing everyone so happy and close
while having the times of their life
Partying, drunk, getting high
White-wash and fresia

One day, when were all young and lonely
One day, when the sun never shine
One day, when it seem like all hell is break loose
Welcome to my life
From the early moment, to the end of times
When will it just all end

Tall guys with them bitches
Treating them like dirt
Yet them girls still so loyal
make the heart hurt

One day, when were all young and lonely
One day, when the sun never shine
One day, when it seem like all hell is break loose
Welcome to my life
From the early moment, to the end of times
When will it just all end

One hope for a better life
only to find out it all a lie
society is so fresia up
it no wonder how anyone can survive

One day, when were all young and lonely
One day, when the sun never shine
One day, when it seem like all hell is break loose
Welcome to my life
From the early moment, to the end of times
When will it just all end

the days turn to night
alone, tire, and restless
feeding off the pain and agony
the truth not so far behind

One day, when were all young and lo[/align]nely
One day, when the sun never shine
One day, when it seem like all hell is break loose
Welcome to my life
From the early moment, to the end of times
When will it just all end

When will it just end!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Bluey said:
Not bad. better then I could had done :cool:

Thanks, I just decided to write a song since I already wrote a poem on here. I think I finish it within a few minutes.
 
Unacceptance said:
So is this going to be gospel style then?

Actually the first part "One day" is suppose to be rock music, like match box 20 or maroon 5. And the non repeated part is suppose to be rap music, and the final part is some other rock band like GC.
 
Pretty good, Coming from a musicians point of view.

Reminds me of HIM more so than anything- sort of the same sort of vibe/structure of love and lonely by them.
 
The thing with rap (good rap, at least) is that it tends to involve rhymes and bars.

I'd work improving that part if it's going to be rapped.

Here is an example, more or less, you might dig this:

Illogic - Hate in a Puddle
[youtube]ICB-TbY96_8[/youtube]
 

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