What do nice guys look for in a nice girl?

After reading the frustration thread, it got me thinking about myself. I'm frustrated too, because I am usually casually dating someone (I hate being alone, another issue I have), but I still feel lonely. Even when I date more than one person, I'm still lonely. There is never a personal connect. They never call you unless they want something. The guy I'm dating now (well, kind of dating), never calls me. I don't even know if we are dating. I thought about the guys I date, and the guys that approach me. I know that clearly something about me (maybe the way I dress, my make-up, my hair, the way I carry myself, ect), is scary to nice guys, because they do not approach me. Players, jocks, and jerks approach me, but never nice guys. I'm actually more into nerds and introverts (kind of like me), and those guys never approach me. So what am I doing wrong? I think I'm going to the wrong places. Most nice guys don't hang out at parties, so where do they hang out? Honestly, is cleavage intimidating to nice guys, or does it send the wrong message? Do you have to dress like a librarian to get a nice guy to notice you? Do nice guys even approach women, or should I be on the lookout for them, and approach them? I am really uncomfortable approaching people, so it is unlikely that I will approach them honestly. Do nice guys even exist anymore?

lovehurtme said:

approach them?

Click to expand...

This ^

lovehurtme said:

Do nice guys even exist anymore?

Click to expand...

me

lol , OK you get my point in that if you see a nice guy what is wrong with you approaching him? A player well always have no problem in approaching any girl. There is no difference in you approaching a guy as there is a guy approaching you.

What I would like in a girl is to be able to trust her. A girl that is not after a free ride. No am not tight I just don't like being used. There seems to be a lot of girls out there that seems to be only after the material gain. Apart from that just to feel loved and to like me for me.

Women do not want to be rejected either. That's why we don't approach guys. Women also don't want to feel like they are sooo unattractive that a guy won't approach them. I'm terrified of approaching guys, but I will try next time, to see what happens.

The things you listed are internal. I was asking about at first site. You know, when you see a girl, and you think, "I'm going to approach her." What does she have? How is she dressed? What made you approach that girl?

Well, I haven't approached a girl in my entire life. Male nerds and introverts are most likely too shy to approach you, just as you are shy in approaching them. Both sides will be lonely forever, doomed to a life of bitterness and misery. I'm usually attracted to 'nerdy' girls myself, smart girls who are witty and can challenge me intellectually...but usually they go for older men, due to the greater level of maturity that they exhibit in comparison to most other girls their age. I suppose one could call them lolitas. All the nice girls I know are going out with men at least 3 years older than them.

Only on a full moon, I'm nice
Maybe on a Tuesday too.....I dunno

I guess some guys are afraid of cleavage....but I'm not. Not yet anyway.

I've been asked out by women more often than not.
All the women I've had relationships with asked me out.

I've been in a long term relationship for a while...she trainned me right or i got owned.
It's weird....I feel guilty if i look at other women, even if I'm single now.
I've forgotten those slight or subtle hints that a woman will give to show she's interested
or to show she's avaliable and approch her. Then a million thoughts would run through my
mind. More often than not, I'll talk myself out of approching her then to do so.

Blonde hair, high heels and big boobs does it for all hot blooded men. I dyed my hair the other day to dark red, its like a red wine colour. A guy came up to me in work today and said, why would a girl dye her hair that colour when she could go blonde and be better looking and attractive to men? Even all the other guys there agreed with him!

Well they can go screw themselves, i like my hair dark red. There as mad as a box of frogs if they think i'm going to change myself for them.

Lonesome Crow said:

Only on a full moon, I'm nice
Maybe on a Tuesday too.....I dunno

I guess some guys are afraid of cleavage....but I'm not. Not yet anyway.

I've been asked out by women more often than not.
All the women I've had relationships with asked me out.

I've been in a long term relationship for a while...she trainned me right or i got owned.
It's weird....I feel guilty if i look at other women, even if I'm single now.
I've forgotten those slight or subtle hints that a woman will give to show she's interested
or to show she's avaliable and approch her. Then a million thoughts would run through my
mind. More often than not, I'll talk myself out of approching her then to do so.

Click to expand...

Red hair is the best looking color in my opinion. All the red-haired girls I know have been very feisty as well. Actually I like all hair-colours. Black and brown is good too. I'm so indecisive, I have no idea what I like :/

Caesium said:

Male nerds and introverts are most likely too shy to approach you, just as you are shy in approaching them. I'm usually attracted to 'nerdy' girls myself, smart girls who are witty and can challenge me intellectually...but usually they go for older men, due to the greater level of maturity that they exhibit in comparison to most other girls their age.

Click to expand...

Well, I don't really look nerdy, so I guess that is why I don't attract nerdy guys. I do not think I am capable of looking nerdy. I like make-up and form fitting clothes too much, so I am doomed.

Lonesome Crow said:

I guess some guys are afraid of cleavage....but I'm not. Not yet anyway. I've been asked out by women more often than not.
All the women I've had relationships with asked me out. I've been in a long term relationship for a while...she trainned me right or i got owned. Then a million thoughts would run through my
mind. More often than not, I'll talk myself out of approching her then to do so.

Click to expand...

I think nice guys are afraid of cleavage. The last nice guy I dated was terrified. We went putt-putt golfing on our 2nd date, and I wore a low cut black dress. He did not look at me the whole evening; he looked in the other direction. Then at the end he said, "Do you notice other guys looking at you? I can't really fight, and I think they want to beat me up. Can you not wear that dress anymore?" I was shocked, because that was my lucky dress, and it has never failed me on a date, but he didn't like it, I guess. We ended up dated for like 2 months, but I think I scared him in general, so he broke up with me. We haven’t spoken in months, but he actually emailed me yesterday and invited me to one of his skate competitions.

Your last girlfriend totally owned you. LOL, but that is not bad. I think it is good that you placed such a high value on her feelings. So the general consensus is that nice guys are scared to approach women. You talk yourself out of approached girls? Why? And what about the girl? How likely is it that a nice guy will flatly reject a girl that approaches him?

stella said:

Blonde hair, high heels and big boobs does it for all hot blooded men. I dyed my hair the other day to dark red, its like a red wine colour. A guy came up to me in work today and said, why would a girl dye her hair that colour when she could go blonde and be better looking and attractive to men? Even all the other guys there agreed with him!

Well they can go screw themselves, i like my hair dark red. There as mad as a box of frogs if they think i'm going to change myself for them.

Click to expand...

My hair was redish last winter. Guys actually like it better dark brown or black. My ex said it makes me look more exotic. Whatever that means. I think red is a hot color. Keep your hair red! There are tons of hot red heads! The high heels and the big boobs don't do it for most guys, well not the guys I like anyway.

Caesium said:

Red hair is the best looking color in my opinion. All the red-haired girls I know have been very feisty as well. Actually I like all hair-colours. Black and brown is good too. I'm so indecisive, I have no idea what I like :/

Click to expand...

I agree. I think everyone should wear the color they like. Everyone does not look good blond. I don't know if you guys know Jessica Alba, but she looks better with dark hair. She tried to be blond and it looked bad to me.

I hate to answer a question with a question, but as girl who seems interested in nice guys, how do you wish to be approached by guys? I think that's something some nice, introverted guys may struggle with.

By the way, I noticed you said nice guys are afraid of cleavage.
That's not true. Nice guys love tits as much as the next guy. I'll tell you the difference. Nice guys are afraid of being offensive, EVEN in their mind. The THOUGHT of thinking sexual thoughts about a woman when she's supposed to be much more than a sex object makes a nice guy feel a bit on the immoral side. Yet, how can a nice guy resist those thoughts anymore than a not so nice guy? You know, we're on our date, playing golf. What is it really supposed to be? Us having fun, or me being sexually aroused by your breasts? What do YOU want it to be? Because I can tell you right now, nice or not, the guy is going to notice. He's not going to be afraid, but I think deep down inside, out of respect for you, a nice guy is wanting the occassion to be what YOU want it to be - the occassion would seem to be golf, not for dude to grow rock hard as a result of your sexy appearance. You may very well want it to be about the date and the golf, but you threw an obstacle at him by tossing the cleavage at him.

Imagine a world in which it was acceptable for men to dress in ways that would seriously arouse women. Imagine something that men could wear in which you could get a very clear sense of a man's penis size, of his muscle status, of his ass... I mean, all of that is there. He is wearing some kind of see through shirt in which you could see his nipples, even. I mean, imagine if that were acceptable. And then you go on and date with one of these guys. And you happen to be a nice girl who would feel like you're somehow disrespecting this guy by simply having to look at him in his sexually revealing form because ALSO in this imagined world, men have applied monikers such as pervert, creep, and sexual harasser at women.

One minute men are afraid of pussy, the next minute they are creepy.

Many men know how to play it cool. Heck, I know how to get a glimpse and stay on topic. Does it make me comfortable? Hell know. We have to be mentally STABLE to deal with it. I'll be back to edit in a moment.

lovehurtme said:

Do nice guys even exist anymore?

Click to expand...

No. Haven't you heard? We're all cruel, emotionless robots that lie about everything and only know how to hurt the people we love. We also kick puppies and push the elderly down staircases whenever the opportunity presents itself.

Every woman in the world would do well to become a lesbian, nun or combination of both. Also, whenever you see a man you've never met before, be sure to greet him by repeatedly kicking him in the groin for commiting the sin of owning a penis. It's the only way we'll learn.

lovehurtme said:

Caesium said:

Male nerds and introverts are most likely too shy to approach you, just as you are shy in approaching them. I'm usually attracted to 'nerdy' girls myself, smart girls who are witty and can challenge me intellectually...but usually they go for older men, due to the greater level of maturity that they exhibit in comparison to most other girls their age.

Click to expand...

Well, I don't really look nerdy, so I guess that is why I don't attract nerdy guys. I do not think I am capable of looking nerdy. I like make-up and form fitting clothes too much, so I am doomed.

Lonesome Crow said:

I guess some guys are afraid of cleavage....but I'm not. Not yet anyway. I've been asked out by women more often than not.
All the women I've had relationships with asked me out. I've been in a long term relationship for a while...she trainned me right or i got owned. Then a million thoughts would run through my
mind. More often than not, I'll talk myself out of approching her then to do so.

Click to expand...

I think nice guys are afraid of cleavage. The last nice guy I dated was terrified. We went putt-putt golfing on our 2nd date, and I wore a low cut black dress. He did not look at me the whole evening; he looked in the other direction. Then at the end he said, "Do you notice other guys looking at you? I can't really fight, and I think they want to beat me up. Can you not wear that dress anymore?" I was shocked, because that was my lucky dress, and it has never failed me on a date, but he didn't like it, I guess. We ended up dated for like 2 months, but I think I scared him in general, so he broke up with me. We haven’t spoken in months, but he actually emailed me yesterday and invited me to one of his skate competitions.

Your last girlfriend totally owned you. LOL, but that is not bad. I think it is good that you placed such a high value on her feelings. So the general consensus is that nice guys are scared to approach women. You talk yourself out of approached girls? Why? And what about the girl? How likely is it that a nice guy will flatly reject a girl that approaches him?

Click to expand...

It's really hard for me sometimes becuase I don't really want to
come across as a player or a creep. And god forbid she has her
finger on the pepper spray can if I approch her
I don't really know any pick up lines. I personally think pick up lines
are retarded.

I've been out of the dating loop for so long, so it's not something
I became a master at doing. It probably one of the most challenging
things in life.

I don't minded gettting owned
If I love someone. She's all I want, she's all i need...simple.
It's kind of like.... why eat hamburgers if you can have steak everynight.
Alot of it has to do with my up bringing...Both of my parents had been deviorced once.
At the sametime...they been together forever since i was a child.
So that's what I seek or strive for in a relationship...long term that will last forever.

jjam said:

I hate to answer a question with a question, but as girl who seems interested in nice guys, how do you wish to be approached by guys? I think that's something some nice, introverted guys may struggle with. You may very well want it to be about the date and the golf, but you threw an obstacle at him by tossing the cleavage at him.
One minute men are afraid of pussy, the next minute they are creepy.
Many men know how to play it cool. Heck, I know how to get a glimpse and stay on topic. Does it make me comfortable? Hell know. We have to be mentally STABLE to deal with it. I'll be back to edit in a moment.

Click to expand...

Well, all a guy has to do is walk up to a girl, introduce himself, and make conversation. It is not as bad as you guys make it sound. You don't have to think of anything witty off the bat, just make general conversation. I didn't think of my "lucky dress" as an obstacle. Putt-Putt golf is not a serious activity (like playing basketball or even laser tag). I would have worn tennis shoes for that. So are you saying that women should wear turtle necks on dates, so they don't arouse the guy? I kind of understand what you are saying. Men have a tight rope to walk, and it sucks, but so do women. Women can’t be too eager, or they are desperate, too forceful or they are a b!tch, if they want stability then they are gold diggers. We all walk a tight rope.

Satyr said:

No. Haven't you heard? We're all cruel, emotionless robots that lie about everything and only know how to hurt the people we love. We also kick puppies and push the elderly down staircases whenever the opportunity presents itself.

Every woman in the world would do well to become a lesbian, nun or combination of both. Also, whenever you see a man you've never met before, be sure to greet him by repeatedly kicking him in the groin for commiting the sin of owning a penis. It's the only way we'll learn.

Click to expand...

That was funny. Seriously. I understand your s/n now, since you seem to have a great grasp of satire. I didn't mean that I don't think nice guys exist. I meant that society kind of encourages men to be players and jerks. That is seen as cool nowadays.

Lonesome Crow said:

It's really hard for me sometimes becuase I don't really want to
come across as a player or a creep. And god forbid she has her
finger on the pepper spray can if I approch her
I don't really know any pick up lines. I personally think pick up lines
are retarded. I don't minded gettting owned
If I love someone. She's all I want, she's all i need...simple.
It's kind of like.... why eat hamburgers if you can have steak everynight.
Alot of it has to do with my up bringing...Both of my parents had been deviorced once.
At the sametime...they been together forever since i was a child.
So that's what I seek or strive for in a relationship...long term that will last forever.

Click to expand...

Pick-up lines are universally hated by all women. Do not use them. Just talk to her like a person. She is a person, right? Your outlook on relationships is very positive. I hope you keep it. I have a somewhat positive attitude, but I've dated a lot so I'm more jaded.

Satyr said:

No. Haven't you heard? We're all cruel, emotionless robots that lie about everything and only know how to hurt the people we love. We also kick puppies and push the elderly down staircases whenever the opportunity presents itself.

Click to expand...

That's it, no more of ClosetGeek's propaganda for you.

lovehurtme said:

So are you saying that women should wear turtle necks on dates, so they don't arouse the guy?

Click to expand...

I'd say women should dress as best for the occasion as possible.
The occasion doesn't merely concern where you are or what the activity is, but also who you are dealing with and what your intentions are.

You say you'd want to deal with a nice guy. You even went as far as to say you like the introverted types. I'm saying that nice guys do not feel comfortable with having to avoid seeing cleavage because they are under the impression (and rightfully so from a historical basis) that looking at a woman's sexual components during an occasion that he thinks is not about sexual arousment or sexual activity is creepy/perverted, words that go against the idea of being the nice and ethical guy he wishes to be.

So you say "well, don't look". Of course, you wouldn't say that because you're probably hoping he looks... was that not part of the motivation for dressing that way in the first place? And sure, a guy can NOT look. He can NOT look distracted by your lovely cleavage. However, make no mistake about it, HE IS in fact distracted. And the nice guys will feel a lot more uncomfortable about that distraction simply because he regards how you could potentially feel about him indulging in the distraction.

On second thought, if you want to say nice guys are "afraid" of cleavage, fine. I guess nice guys are afraid of it when they feel they risk coming off as creepy by being "unafraid".

All the nice guys are too busy finishing last to be looking for girls. They'll be here later.

^^^^Well JJam, how about this? I will wear what I usually wear when I go out, but if I land a date with an introverted type, THEN I'll wear a turtleneck. That should work, right? Based on what you are saying, I am not sure if I like introverted guys, but I do like guys that others would classify as nerdy. I know that. I take back when I said I am introverted, because I actually am very extroverted, I am just self conscious. There is a difference. I am more of a nerd on the inside.

My ex (the on that didn't like the black dress during putt-putt) confused me a lot. When I'd wear t-shirts, he asked me why I never wore heels, when I dressed up, he told me to dress down. There is no winning with some guys.

Unacceptance said:

All the nice guys are too busy finishing last to be looking for girls. They'll be here later.

Click to expand...

Unacceptance, nice guys don't finish last. That is a myth, and the nice guys that do finish last went after the wrong girls.

To be honest, I never understood what they were finishing last, the human race?