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Joined
Nov 23, 2008
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Hi everybody,
I feel quite embarrassed typing this but I feel I need to make a change. I'm 26 years old (very nearly 27), live in the uk and I must admit I'm feeling more and more isolated, I need to reach out to people.
I don't know where I fit in, both here and in the world in general and sometimes it feels so frustrating trying to work out what to do about it. I go to work everyday (apart from days I don't - obv) and I get on ok with the people there but everything is work based I have no common interests. I just spend my evenings on my own, and I'm finding it harder and harder to entertain myself, going to bed at 9 because there's nothing else to do is pretty rubbish. I find it so demoralising having only myself to talk to about the problems in my life but I feel so guilty trying to impose them on other people, trapped is the only way i can describe it. I’ve been on anti-depressants for nearly 5 years but the only people that know are those that have prescribed them to me, which feels quite sad to me.
Sorry about all of that, it's quite maudlin and I'm not generally like that, I'm one of those extroverted introverts, I'm quite outgoing seeming in real life but once anything brushes past the surface i clam up and find it excruciatingly hard to express my inner self properly. Does anyone else find this? That they're ok at small talk but once anything elevates past this that they're flailing around hopelessly in a sea of uncertainty? Or am I alone in that as well?
Sorry for being depressing,
R
 
I'm very much like you I feel, though I'm only 19 right now. I am extroverted and actually rather outgoing in acquaintance situations, but once I'm around the same people for extended periods I'll withdraw into myself, because I am afraid I'd be imposing if I spoke with them too much. You're not alone there, feeling trapped is a good way to describe it. Welcome by the way :].
 
Thankyou :) That does actually make me feel better. You hit the nail right on the head, it's all very good making a bunch of very casual acquanteneces but it's taking it past that where the problems start. The first time I meet people I feel everything goes very well, I'm quite good at keeping mindless chit-chat going, and in fact usually lead the way, but as soon as people start the proper 'getting to know you' bit I feel totally out of my depth. I don't know what it is, I think I just feel ashamed being myself and like, well, why would anyone want to know who I am? Everyone just starts telling me all these stories about the interesting things they've done in their life and I just don't know how to respond to it, everything I could say seems worthless. I just don't seem to understand what people want from me in those situations, is that normal? (strange question I know but I feel my biggest quest is the search for what is normal - I have no one to ask and no way of comparing if what goes through my mind is what goes through everyone elses mind or not - this feels as good a place to ask as any)
 
Eternal_Ineptitude said:
Thankyou :) That does actually make me feel better. You hit the nail right on the head, it's all very good making a bunch of very casual acquanteneces but it's taking it past that where the problems start. The first time I meet people I feel everything goes very well, I'm quite good at keeping mindless chit-chat going, and in fact usually lead the way, but as soon as people start the proper 'getting to know you' bit I feel totally out of my depth. I don't know what it is, I think I just feel ashamed being myself and like, well, why would anyone want to know who I am? Everyone just starts telling me all these stories about the interesting things they've done in their life and I just don't know how to respond to it, everything I could say seems worthless. I just don't seem to understand what people want from me in those situations, is that normal? (strange question I know but I feel my biggest quest is the search for what is normal - I have no one to ask and no way of comparing if what goes through my mind is what goes through everyone elses mind or not - this feels as good a place to ask as any)

No problem my friend :], I'm glad I could make you feel a little better. But I know exactly what you mean, it's like I want to make friends but I don't know how to when I start to think about it too much. Like when I was a young child, I would just start hanging out with someone without thinking about why or how, and it was awesome. However, things seemed simpler as a child, and that child-like awe is still there to console. But like you I think, as I've gotten older, meeting new people and feeling genuine with them is harder it seems; it's like there are too many self-doubts to even break the ice, so at best I can just be friendly but navigate from a distance. I think not understanding what people want from you in those kind of situations is normal when you're in the mindset we seem to share. Like for me, I'll imagine a person who's been around the world and may have done their share of civic duty and so on and I'll feel a bit silly trying to tell them what things I have done that seem relatively interesting when I fear those things may just come off as myopic. I just think personally when we feel like this we have to remember that we're not alone, and the other person doesn't likely always think of themselves as superior or smarter or more experienced or any of that, but they may feel the same despite having spoken of their experiences a lot too. I think it helps to just think of being friendly and doing good for good's sake rather than worrying about earning their friendship, but that's easier said than done and that may be on my side more. I hope that helped, sorry for the length (again) haha.
 
Ha, I wouldn't worry about the length of the thing, it's nice knowing that somebody cares enough about a random stranger to bother putting the effort in. I know what you mean in that, at the end of the day, many people share the same misgivings about themselves and that's partly where the whole 'these are the great things I've done' mindset comes in. Everybody has only their own thoughts to hear at the end of the day and that naturally leads to a certain sense of isolation that can never be broken throughout this life. Everybody feels alone sometimes but how do they remove this from their psyche in everyday life and move on? How do 'normal' people cope with this and pair themselves up so they don't feel quite so alone? How do they resolve their own internal sense of isolation to the multitude of people running through their life and make 'friends'? Hmm, I sound like a bad psychology student there. I suppose a lot of self-pitying comes into this sort of thing, the whole, 'what's wrong with me?' kind of spiel. The thing is as I've gone through my life I've tried my best to avoid these sort of thoughts, trying to tell myself everyone feels the same etc, yet I'm sat here on my own typing these words with only the clack of a keyboard for companionship and that tells me that there must be something wrong. Why can I be open to a brief collection of words resembling a person (no offence, I hope you see what I mean) on the internet yet to no-one in real life? It's very hard to reconcile. Being honest I think a lot of this comes from the complete frustration of having no sex life whatsoever, at the end of the day feeling 'wanted' is quite a base human need and I think a lack of that has repercussions in many other areas on our social development. If you've never been desired in any way the feeling constantly lurks in the back of the mind that there is something fundamentally 'wrong' with yourself. Physical attraction only goes so far, so you figure if you're still lonely at my age there must be something wrong with your personality as well. Hmm, I’m a whole bag of neurosis tonight. Right, now I've dragged on and splurged my mind to far, sorry.
 
Welcome to the forum Eternal_Ineptitude.
 
Hi everyone, thanks for the warm welcome :)

Unacceptance said:
Hey Ineptitude. What kind of hobbies do you have to occupy your time?

Hmm that's tricky one really. I don't really have a set 'hobby' as such to throw myself into. Obvoiusly I spend quite a lot of time messing around on the computer: a bit of programming, a little photoshopping - I'm currently trying to teach myself how to use excel properly for work which is proving more interesting than maybe it should be. What about yourself? What do you do in your spare time?
 
I'm currently feeling quite guilty that I managed to rate my own thread as five stars rather than the chap who replied to me. Maybe my loneliness is caused by my vanity :)
 

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