S
stardust
Guest
Hi, I'm new. My name's Morgaine, almost everyone I know in the "online world" calls me "Morg" though. I'm twenty-four years old, living outside of Seattle in Washington state.
I registered here a few days ago, and then go figure, I had one of the upswings in mood that sometimes happens when you're bipolar and I thought, "Oh, I don't need to do anything like that, I'm fine!!! " ... Yeah. Well, that was a few days ago and I'm back, so we can see that wasn't very long lasting.
So, loneliness and me - I feel like a chronic sufferer of loneliness for various reasons. I literally don't have any family; I was adopted at birth so I don't know anyone I'm biologically related to and my adoptive "family" and I don't speak anymore if I can help it because I'm trying to put as much distance between me and them as possible because they're very abusive emotionally and physically. And I've always had a hard time making and keeping friends, that's not a new problem, it's something that's been an issue ever since I can remember. It seems that everyone else ends up changing, or moving away and I'm left behind. At present I only have two people I talk to locally that I consider "friends" but I don't see them very often.
At present my life feels very pointless; I feel like I'm standing in the middle of a crowd screaming my head off but no one hears me or sees me.
I wake up, I eat breakfast, I go to work, I come home, I eat dinner, I get online for a while, I go to bed. Repeat. My big "escape" is the internet. I'm a rabid online story-based roleplayer because I find pretending to be other people intensely satisfying compared to my own life.
I live in a house with three other housemates I don't really like at all but the rent is the cheapest I can find in town and all I can afford. They come and go and have their own lives and I pretty much live here in my little office/bedroom. I want to go to University overseas but the cost of all my various medical needs (bipolar, celiac disease, chronic hip pain from a major past accident that makes walking a real effort sometimes) make that seem like a pipe dream and scholarships are pretty much out of the question because my past college record is pretty blotchy as far as grades from past "pit of despair" moments and two attempted suicides after hitting rock bottom.
I do try and get out and do things once in a while but they always seem to go wrong; today I went out after with the intention of going to the neat little coffee shop downtown only to discover after walking in that they were closed - the front door was unlocked, the lights were on, and the "open" sign was out but all the employees were just having a party so I left feeling like a complete idiot after they stared at me and went, "... Uh, why are you here, we're closed". I don't know if I have the worst luck or what, but odd things like that happen a lot to me.
So yeah. Loneliness is well known to me. Contrary to all of that I do have times when I'm intensely enthusiastic about life and I feel like I can climb Mount Everest and run a marathon and become queen for a day but those times are more and more often short lived.
And... yeah. That's me, and I'll apologize right now in advance for how long winded I can be, as evident above.
I registered here a few days ago, and then go figure, I had one of the upswings in mood that sometimes happens when you're bipolar and I thought, "Oh, I don't need to do anything like that, I'm fine!!! " ... Yeah. Well, that was a few days ago and I'm back, so we can see that wasn't very long lasting.
So, loneliness and me - I feel like a chronic sufferer of loneliness for various reasons. I literally don't have any family; I was adopted at birth so I don't know anyone I'm biologically related to and my adoptive "family" and I don't speak anymore if I can help it because I'm trying to put as much distance between me and them as possible because they're very abusive emotionally and physically. And I've always had a hard time making and keeping friends, that's not a new problem, it's something that's been an issue ever since I can remember. It seems that everyone else ends up changing, or moving away and I'm left behind. At present I only have two people I talk to locally that I consider "friends" but I don't see them very often.
At present my life feels very pointless; I feel like I'm standing in the middle of a crowd screaming my head off but no one hears me or sees me.
I wake up, I eat breakfast, I go to work, I come home, I eat dinner, I get online for a while, I go to bed. Repeat. My big "escape" is the internet. I'm a rabid online story-based roleplayer because I find pretending to be other people intensely satisfying compared to my own life.
I live in a house with three other housemates I don't really like at all but the rent is the cheapest I can find in town and all I can afford. They come and go and have their own lives and I pretty much live here in my little office/bedroom. I want to go to University overseas but the cost of all my various medical needs (bipolar, celiac disease, chronic hip pain from a major past accident that makes walking a real effort sometimes) make that seem like a pipe dream and scholarships are pretty much out of the question because my past college record is pretty blotchy as far as grades from past "pit of despair" moments and two attempted suicides after hitting rock bottom.
I do try and get out and do things once in a while but they always seem to go wrong; today I went out after with the intention of going to the neat little coffee shop downtown only to discover after walking in that they were closed - the front door was unlocked, the lights were on, and the "open" sign was out but all the employees were just having a party so I left feeling like a complete idiot after they stared at me and went, "... Uh, why are you here, we're closed". I don't know if I have the worst luck or what, but odd things like that happen a lot to me.
So yeah. Loneliness is well known to me. Contrary to all of that I do have times when I'm intensely enthusiastic about life and I feel like I can climb Mount Everest and run a marathon and become queen for a day but those times are more and more often short lived.
And... yeah. That's me, and I'll apologize right now in advance for how long winded I can be, as evident above.