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An archist

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Ok, I've been kicking around this idea for a while. Like two years ago, when I was really in the depths of 'social anxiety', as fear of people and all the honeysuckle that goes with it was the dominant aspect in my life, I would go online and read all I could about it. I'm not sure what I was looking for really but incidentally that is how I found this site, as I'm sure many others did as well (in people's intro threads I read over and over "I just typed in lonliness, and found ALL"). One thing I did find which gave me food for thought were people's videos on youtube.

When I found all these videos that people with social phobia were making I started to wonder if I could do the same. I liked watching these, cuz I got to listen to people's stories that I could totaly relate to. There's this one girl, who stoped making videos about a year ago I'm sad to say, whose life really mirrored my own. Here youtube page can be found here: http://www.youtube.com/user/bishi4me
It seems to have really helped her, and as she made more and more videos you could see the progress she was making. So, what do you think about this? Would you do it? Do you think it could help? I've been tempted for a year now to go out and get a webcam so I could start making some of my own, but I've still got misgivings about it; I'd be so nervous about people seeing me talking about these things, I think I'd have to wear a ski mask in my first few vids, but I really want to give it a try. If I do, I'll be sure to post the link to some of them cuz as this was a community which has helped me somewhat to get over the most miserable phase in my life. Well, I just want to get some feedback on this before I actually go through with it.
 
I kind of thought about it when I saw Angeldrop's vids. Then I had the face covering thought as well. Then I thought about how no one gives a honeysuckle about what I have to say and about how such a thing would probably come back around and bite me in the ass or just get me mocked. Then I realized it's better if I stay in my hole.

If you think it will help though sir, I'd say go for it, I'd watch.
 
That's why I go to my meetings Arch. It's anonymous.
It's helping a lot and I've only been going for the past couple
of weeks. I ran into a bit of obsticle at first becuase of my ex
and her BS. Beside that...I felt like a **** EMO for the first week.

I isolated myself from the world for almost a year.

The first couple of days or week was touch and go. i felt like
a **** fish out of water and my skin crawled just to be around people.
Then some poeple just give me hugs..which i didn't wanted.

It's F2F...it's about as real as it can get.
It's almost like the chat room arch...poeple talk and share about
whatever they want...but it's just face 2 face in person

yes...sharing with others and being able to relate with others helps
a lot...it's a part of me getting well.

Today, I ran into a HS friend I havn't seen in years...We hugged tight, tight like we were lost lovers. I dunno...She's probably
size double D, i didn't mind that interaction that's for sure. :p
Then she caught herself...Ooops, interduce ourselves and shooked hand....lmao. We both laughed.
 
Lonesome Crow said:
That's why I go to my meetings Arch. It's anonymous.
It's helping a lot and I've only been going for the past couple
of weeks. I ran into a bit of obsticle at first becuase of my ex
and her BS. Beside that...I felt like a **** EMO for the first week.

What meetings are those? Like group therapy? There's another idea I was thinking about for a while too...but I don't know how much it would cost.
 
something i've really wanted to do, i'm not sure if i've got the software program, but make some kinda of slideshow. With pictures of people on here, and some other pictures of other people. Just going through and saying we are male, female, from wherever i'm whatever religion. gay straight bi or tiedyed (and have a picture of a person in a tye-dye tshirt)

republicans democrast iowa fans and ISU fans, european, asain all these differnt thigns, Nerds, jocks, geeks, preps,
then just more pictures, we are angry, lost, alone, curious, sad, sometimes happy, ect. The just end wth people holding up signs that read human.

kinda cheesy i know, but it would better on film then words. just something i've been thinking about if i figured out the techincal stuff (i've never put a video on youtubr before) and get the time i think it'd be something cool to do.

what do you guys think?
 
They're those variouse anonymous meetings. Even thou i don't drink or use drugs anymore
it's still good for me. Bascailly I used ALL as a steping stone for me to interact with people.
Samba had to talked me into going outside to get daylight.lol
My goal was simply to be able to interact with people Face two face..that was all I wanted
out of those meetings.

Gradually I was able to ride my bike around the park....There's poeple at the park.lol
I really had to forced myself to do it. At that piont, I had cabin fever.
Poeple would say hi or smile at me during passing...That's all I could handle at that time.
But it was okay, it was another baby step for me to interact with poeple in real life.

Then a couple of weeks ago I started attending those meetings...I had to make myself
do it no matter how I felt about it. It's helping a lot. I had problems at first when I started
working again...even thou the secutaries are purdy...they still made my skin crawled just
to be around people. I interact with them better today...a little better as each gose by.

My next goal is to be able to return to my flying club and get back into flying my R/C models again.
And then return to college again. I hoping I'll be able to consentrate on my work or studies when
around people.

Maybe there's clubs or group funtions in your area. Book clubs, chess clubs....etc.
Whatever your interest are. Anything to interact with people.
Maybe do volunteer work.

My father is also helping me. He looked into the public mental heatly department in my area.
There's all kinds of program avalible to help people and most of it are free or what you can
afford. There's all kinds of group therapy. My father told me , the mental healty department
is one of the biggest department in our county. Government employees at sent there all the time.
My dad is the communication specailist for our county...He installed all of thier communications
systems and what not and he said the mental health department is the biggest.
So there's no shame in asking for help.

The day I signed on to ALL...was the day I started asking and reaching out for help.
It's been a process. I'm getting better as I go.

I hope you get well and find your way Arch. I know you been
trying to reach out.

I developed this condition from my childhood. My parents
abandent me as a child. They would come to visit me every so
often...After a while i didn't want them to hold me or wanted
to be touched. I associated being touch/love with pains...becuase
they would leave me. So any signs of love or human effections
ment pains to me. As an adult, when i get stressed...I just
want to be left alone...not be touched or loved. That's why
I isolate. I hope that makes sense.

I was also abused as a child by my father. For the longest time
the first image of my father when i think about him was me flying
through the air and hitting the fucken wall. i was probably about 5 years old.
I can't remember everythings but lots of physical abuse. I definately associate
love with pain. My ex-wf was very abusive to me. She used to hit me all the freaken
time but I couldn't hit her back. She was one mean ***** and could drink like a fish.
My ex-gf is almost the sameway. She looks sweet for eyes but she wasn't very nice to me.
She has alot of personalities traits that of my father.

It's also some of the reasons why I have the hawts or are attracted
to certain types of women...I seem to pick the ones that will
leave me or abandent me...my ex-gf bascailly left me for dead.
Those events retrigger all of my abandentment issues again.
So that's why I isolated myself again.

It's also some habits i develope growning up as a teenager. I used to locked
myself in my room and play guitar all the time. To fucken protect myself from
all the fucken abuse and madness of it all. My dad use to beat my ass for anything
and everything...just becuase it was a fucken tuseday.

That's why..Steve Via is my hero. He went through same honeysuckle growning up.
 

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