Painful numbness

Not really sure where to start, I was studying (or trying to study) when I had another pang of depression. They come from time to time, and I can usually fend them off, but this time it was strong enough for me to seek some outside help, and here I am at 4:30 am.

I try to be easygoing and not take things too seriously, but I'm slowly whittling away from who I used to be. It's getting so bad that I've started sleeping over 12 hours a day when I can afford it, like on weekends, because I just can't stand the loneliness that comes with being awake and aware. I'm 22 and I've never had a real relationship, ever. The closest thing I've ever had was two online relationships, both ending in horrible failure. The first (two years), she slowly lost interest in me and drifted away until she found someone new, who she is living with now happily and I still talk to her from time to time as friends, but it's always so bittersweet that I can't handle it for more than a half hour at a time. The second (also two years) I found out was cheating on me the entire time and when I confronted her about it (I was willing to overlook it if she dropped the other guy because my feelings for her were so deep), she decided to go with him and not me, and she blocked me from pretty much every form of communication.

I don't consider myself to be ugly, and I don't have an offensive personality, so why is it impossible to find someone for me? I only want someone for whom I can offer companionship and friendship and receive them both in return, at this point I could care less about sex, I'd give it up entirely if it meant I could finally be happy.

And it doesn't help that my step-brother, who is also my roommate, is able to maintain three different relationships with three different girls, and yet I'm not even able to find one girl who's willing to be with me.

God I just feel so pathetic at times like these that I want to curl up in a dark corner and disappear. Only that wouldn't solve anything really, so I guess I'll just try to keep studying for my test tomorrow. Thanks for hearing me out.

Hang in there brother, I realy can realy understand how you feel, I know how you feel friend, I am there my self, I only hope and pray that things can get better for us all, I truely hope that hope and some needed light enters your life, never let go of hope, never, you can PM me and we can chat some time if you wish.

I have felt like you, too.

I've known guys who've been through what you have---online relationships with girls who were users just asking for money--watch out for them!

I also love sleeping. I get scared and anxious each day when I have to get out of bed, because I feel life is scary and in bed, asleep, I can forget all my troubles and just have cool, interesting dreams, which are like movies.