hi

i was looking for a place i can talk without being judged or lectured and stumbled across this forum. after reading a few posts i thought i'd give it a try.

i never seem to get a break. my mum says i must have been born under a ladder.

right now i'm expecting my second child, my marriage has broken down as my husband went strange on me as soon as we where married. he would go from ignoring me to screaming at me and threatening me, to throwing himself on the floor and crying. it was like being married to dr jeckle and my hyde. and i've always been in love with and burried my feelings for a man that recently told me he loves me but that i'm too damaged.

now i spend my nights holding a watch that my husband smashed in temper and crying myself to sleep.

i feel so alone and so worthless and just have no one to turn to. i only have 2 friends one friend that only calls these days when she wants something cause she says i'm depressing. and one who won't come and see me or text me too much cause his misses gets gellious.

It sounds like your Husband was being abusive to you. Are you still with him?

Your mom shouldnt say such things to you. that's not right. Who is she to judge?

Why do you hold a watch your husband smashed in??? Does it have some significant meaning?

You arent worthless. No one is worthless and I really mean that.

I agree that your husband does sound like he was becoming abusive. But it also sounds like he might have some sort of problem causing his mood/personality changes. Is he getting help?

And while you may not want to be judged I'm going to do that anyway. You are not worthless.

Welcome to ALL.

(((((Darkkiss)))))

Welcome to the forum

Welcome darkkiss

thanx for the warm welcome
he says its me that needs help not him, but even my parents have seen the personality change in him since the wedding.
hes moved out but recons he will move back before the baby is born or he'll file for custody.
the watch was a gift from the other man. its the only thing he ever gave me. my husband smashed it because i didn't start wearing the one he brought. never even knew y it ment so much to me. i know its unhealthy to keep it but atm its the only thing i have to hold onto that feels real once my sons gone to bed.

hey darkkiss. welcome to the forum

That's some bad stuff you're going through darkkiss, I sure hope it works out for you. We're around here to make friends and help and be helped so feel free to open up about what you need to work out. Take care of yourself I hope your kids are alright.

Hi

thanx.
it all just seems like such a mess.
whats worse is i know its gonna hurt my little boy the most. hes not going to understand y my husband still wants to see his sister but can't be arsed with him anymore.
his own father left when i was carrying him and hes never met him. my husband acted like he loved my son to bits but as soon as we where married started to ignore him and wouldn't play with him anymore.
i keep wondering how i get myself into these messes.
everything i touch seems to turn to dust.
getting to the point where i'm tempted to just keep away from people and just focus completely on my children.
but even that scares me cause i know one day they'll grow up and won't need me anymore. my aunt did that and now shes a lonely misserable woman who hates the world and everything in it.

darkkiss said:

thanx.
it all just seems like such a mess.
whats worse is i know its gonna hurt my little boy the most. hes not going to understand y my husband still wants to see his sister but can't be arsed with him anymore.
his own father left when i was carrying him and hes never met him. my husband acted like he loved my son to bits but as soon as we where married started to ignore him and wouldn't play with him anymore.
i keep wondering how i get myself into these messes.
everything i touch seems to turn to dust.
getting to the point where i'm tempted to just keep away from people and just focus completely on my children.
but even that scares me cause i know one day they'll grow up and won't need me anymore. my aunt did that and now shes a lonely misserable woman who hates the world and everything in it.

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you know...i bet if you think about it you'll be able to recognize some warning signs before you were married. A person cant COMPLETELY cover up who they are inside. Perhaps you just need to recognize the warning signs of an abusive man and then; with this knowledge, stay away from them. Oh and i also reccomend working on your self esteem. I know I am young but around 50% of the people i dated in previous years were abusive to me and finally one day I had enough and just stopped dating entirely for a few months to work on my self esteem. Right now I am dating a wonderful person because I refused to stay in relationships where my boyfriend would mock and put me down.

You must stand up for what you deserve. and I KNOW you deserve to be respected and loved. *hug* No one has a right to tear you down.