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Sirius20

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Born in the city of Montreal in 1987, I long to return there. Nova Scotia has
been my home for 15 years. It has been six years since I had any friends.
Those I made in elementary school went about their own destinies, in high school my associates laughed at the thought of me committing suicide...
University, a land of new adventure, proved to almost be the scene of my utter demolition. Getting high grades did by no means fulfill the lack of social contact that has been my life. I naively believed that the people in my residence valued me, the extent of their love was made all to clear when they suggested I should try cocaine. (These guys don't even do drugs themselves.) I passed the year with decent grades, managed a museum in the summer and felt somewhat happy. Second year I was more or less completely alone, became very depressed, did opiates--- withdrew from school. The inability of other people to connect with me is a great problem.I plan on moving back to Montreal (as soon as I make the money), study or work there. I love that city. Being the target of another's hatred is horrible,but infinitely worse is the feeling of total ambivalence. An empty neutral state in which nothing can grow. Such is how I feel, if anybody
else feels the same -- I empathize, you have my affection.
 
Hi Sirius,

I guess that is the whole existential pain of loneliness--feeling as though people really don't even notice us or care if we live or die. It's very painful, since humans aren't meant to be alone. We need to socialize and be together.

Please tell me more about your life. I'm sorry those jerks in uni were so cruel. They suck the big one!!!! I would love to come visit Montreal someday.
 
"Please tell me more about your life".

Well, I currently live in this tiny rural backwater in eastern Canada. A stable population of 3,000, only enhanced by an influx of students attending the only university in the county. My poor luck at making any social contact with the native Nova Scotian, belongs to my parents as well---- the people in this region are generally xenophobic. At present, I am looking for a job to sustain the possibility of working/studying in another province. A professional career as a hospital-level hypnotherapist is my goal. I keep myself somewhat entertained by reading Marcel Proust and Orhan Pamuk. Listening to music has become an utter addiction. A fun (and expensive) diversion is an aquarium, I keep Southeast Asian fish. So, I entertain myself with hobbies, and waste my money on luxury items-- hopefully things will work out better for me in another city.

Would you tell me about your life? I am interested.
 
I've always wanted to go Canada, always thought of it a great country.

I do really feel for you. Moving to somewhere only to be lonely never is good thing. I often expected that moving to another school would be better, well it was never the best.
 
Hi Sirius,

You sound like such a cool person! I thought about moving to Nova Scotia before. I live in America, near the capital city, Washington DC. I don't like it here. My problem is that it is very, very wealthy area and everyone drives a BMW or Mercedes...except me! lol (well, slight exaggeration). I feel I don't fit in. I'm alternately jealous of these rich bitches or I feel that I'm better than them since I'm not as shallow and materialistic.

Tell me about the fish. We have one Southeast Asian fish--a Siamese Fighting Fish aka Beta.

When you say the folks where you live are xenophobic--do you mean towards other races or just strangers or new people in general?

I DO think that moving to another place is a solution. If you've tried everything you can in one town and it doesn't feel like a good fit--MOVE! I mean, life is WAY too short to just stay in one place because we tend to get complacent. I am planning on moving within 2-3 years myself. I hate my town and I want out!

I am a 31 year old mother of one. I work three part-time jobs. I teach English. I love to read. I love music, art, literature, traveling, trying new foods, really GOOD movies (been a long time since Hollywood made one, but I do love all kinds of movies) and philosophy.
 
Ooo ooo oo! I think you're on to something there Sirius old chum!

Go on, go on, GET IN THERE MATE! (no pressure)
 
I'm there with you...

See all these people around me, and they all have relationships... seems like I'm the only one without one.
Man, there's 12 year olds in relationships. I'm 18 and never even had a single person!
 
Moving has never helped me, I was lonely every place I went, leading me to believe that there is something wrong with me.:(
 
You sound like a deep person.
To me the Beatles song 'All you need is love' has captured the essence of life immaculately. I've been saying that for the last 3 years and I still think its true.

Unfortunately a lot of people like ourselves have to make-do in circumstances where love is in low supply.
Do not be fooled, for it is still there, You still have love inside you, and others still love you. Its just dormant, waiting for a catalyst to unleash this love. Whether the catalyst is ever found, is a different story.
 

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