People who willfully hold you back

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splendido

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Have any of you ever experienced this before?

People in your life, who would call themselves "friend", but really hold you back in what ever way they can. I experienced this from multiple people, especially when it came to me having relations with the opposite sex.

As soon as my so called "friends" caught wind of the fact that I may successfully court a girl, they feel compelled to throw a wrench in it all, thus sabotaging any chances I had.

This has happened on numerous occasions, with multiple "friends".

Currently, I have this room mate who I have known since I was 14 (I'm 26 now).

He gets noticeably agitated if I'm hanging around with people that he knows, and I make no effort to include him in the social scene. However, when the tables are turned, and I am the one who is outside of the social circle, he makes no effort to include me either. I should mention that I have many times invited him out when going out with friends, and he usually says no, most likely out of fear.

Now, whenever there is a girl on the scene, he pulls out all the stops to be the "leader" and make me look like a fool. Classic strategy I'm sure, but not one that I'll tolerate for any significant length of time.

I remember having a conversation with him about being single and lonely once, and he says "Well, whenever I've hooked up with a girl, it's always been through friend that I met them".

"Great! So stop being a ****** bag and introduce me to your lady friends!"

He won't, and I think that would be the last thing that he would ever do. It would mean handing over some sort of power, and forfeiting control over the situation.

Let me also mention that, I have been involuntarily celibate for over 6 years now. He is fully aware of this. In the time that I have lived in the same house as this guy, he has had 3 girlfriends.

Don't you think someone who calls them self a "friend" would make an effort to include someone in their social circle and help them meet people?

That's what I would think anyway. It's what I would do.
 
Heya.

I think it could be part of your friend's personality, or even his immaturity. Some of my friends (and myself at times) acted that way when we were younger (~20), until we finally realized how lame we were being, and also got less sensitive about dating/flirting. There's some pressure to be competitive around girls. It's not until you (or he) realizes your friends are worth more than the girl that you realize what you're doing.

We're guys, so I suggest the blunt approach. Tell your friend what's up and tell him what you want him to do for you. If he says no, tell him that sucks.
 
I know exactly the type of people you mean; I've actively worked over the last few months to cut the ties I have with those so-called "friends", one of which tried to turn the tables on me with it by claiming I was pushing her away because I'm not socially savvy as she is and "just afraid of having a good time".

This particular "friend" was one of those types to drag you to a party where you know no one and leave you there, or literally leave you abandoned places if it struck her fancy to go do something else.

Life has been so much better since I got rid of people that pull immature crap. It really isn't worth having them around, regardless of how lonely life can be; they aren't really friends when they act like that.
 
ya i have a "friend" like that... since i've come to college i haven't had to deal with his immature ways but ya anytime we go to parties or hang out with ppl he trys to play this dominant role and i just don't care enough to put him in his place. this guy has been a friend of mine since 10th grade and hes been like this since then. lately i realize it sux for him because other ppl see this in him too and i don't take it personally anymore. i do envy his shamelessness though. he is so persistant on gettin ppl to be his friends they are kinda forced even if they show they obviously don't like him. i have enough trouble just convincing myself someone likes me after talkin to them for the first time.
 
well i have alot of so called "friends" whenever i'm having a little bit of succes they try everything to make me lose everything, and they like it when i'm being laughed at and they don't do anything to help me
 
Of course! I had a friend who was very competitive with me in college, she LOVED to flirt with the guys I liked, and of course spoke ill of me behind my back. I broke it off since I didn't want a backstabber anymore!
 
That is not a friend...You know too much about him, and he is not happy about that...You need to move and not look for a "good" friend in that person ever again!
 
Unfortunately, devious bullies do not actually need to pretend friendship.
 
I had a "friend" in high school. He was the only one I had in that school, and I was the only one he had, although he had plenty of friends outside school. I guess he knew that I didn't have any friends besides him. He always made slight remarks about it, always talking about how much fun he had at that party or with that person. He always mocked me for never going to parties or going out, yet he never invited me when he he was going out. I probably would've said no if he did. He just made me feel so **** useless, but he was the only one I could hang out with at school, so I just took it. Have some slight contact with him now. I had lunch with him a few months ago, and guess what? Two years after high school and that ******* hadn't changed a bit. God, that is not the kind of person I want to have as a friend
 
More on this moron.

The guy actually thinks that no one catches on to his shenanigans. It's really painful to witness. He's just all around retarded. The crappy thing is I really like the house I am living in now, and I want to kick him out, but that would be a really bad scene.

Anyway, I thought I would elaborate a little further on my predicament, with regards to blood sucking leaches that profess to be your "friend".

I seem to have this personality that naturally gravitates towards the subordinate role in any relationship that I have. For a man, this is obviously a problem. I have always been the "nice guy" and women have always reveled in the opportunity to use me as their personal emotional dumping ground. Doesn't it seem somehow twisted that "nice guys" get treated like door mats while the abusive ******** get all the love and attention? Is there something fundamentally wrong with our species. I realize that a certain percentage of life is directly related to competition and survival, but are we not above that, even by just a little?

Where is the incentive for a women to be with a man that has abusive tendencies? Sure, he may be dominant, which women are attracted to, but she's got a shiner and no amount of makeup is going to hide it.

I wonder what goes through a womens head when she sees a naturally subordinate man. "God, what ******* pussy! What a momma's boy! I can't wait to go home to my abusive husband and get the honeysuckle beat out of me in front of my children again!!!"

I just can't understand the decisions people make sometimes. What the hell are we all here for if we can't conquer our own primitive animal instincts and actually progress, mentally?

I am sick of abusive relationships, sick of being in them, sick of witnessing them. If you are in any sort of abusive relationship, try to realize that there is a better life for you, if you would only make the effort to conquer your fear and break free. An abusive relationship doesn't necessarily have to be a physically abusive one. I would say the honeysuckle I'm dealing with now constitutes as a psychologically abusive relationship.

Unfortunately, my retarded room mate is going to be living in the same house for a while yet. I think the only concrete way for me to ditch this bozo would be to move out of this house. It wouldn't be a bad move, and I know of a place that would be $100's cheaper a month, but it's a major pain in the ass.

**** it, why must anything worth doing be so **** difficult?

Take care everyone. Be strong!
 
ya i have a roommate like that... funny thing is he's squating here free of rent. sleepin on the couch for free and treatin the people that put a roof over his head with sarcasm and downtalking. you be strong too man!
 

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