Gerardo said:
My reasons would be various, starting from the fact that my family is completely disfunctional. I love my mother, but it's really hard to deal with her, since she's schizophrenic. Still, even with her condition, she raised us and we're professionals. My father has never contacted us much at all.
I've never been the life of the party either. I've always been quite silent and serious. People say I'm nice, yet everyone keeps the relation at a superficial level. Both at the university, and now at work, people approach me only because I'm smart and am always willing to help. There's a girl I fell in love with, although she always rejected me every time I invited her to hang out, or have dinner. Yet she contacts me when she wants to study or needs counseling or help.
Recently she called me and told me that I seemed to have forgotten her. The reason for the call was actually because she wanted to study with me for the Fundamentals of Engineering exam, so we can get our engineer licenses. And I'm such an idiot that I accepted and am studying with her, if solely for the reason that I feel happy when I'm with her, even though she's always rejected me. I got away from her because contacting her just made me feel worse. And right now, when I'm with her I can't help but smile, yet afterwards just feel like garbage.
But I guess that's part of life...
Hey Gerardo.
i guess that's the major part of the reason i started failing after 10th grade.
i still kept up subjects i liked, and graduated with decent grades, but i wasn't brilliant any more.
to this day, my parents won't forgive, or understand why i seemed to just quit, or why neither words nor marks and bruises would do the job of "putting my mind right" any more.
to this day they still feel i'm not worth the gift of intelligence and potential i've got, seeing my going into art as a sort of a trade-off, as a lazy slide into something you don't need to think or work to do.
but i was tired of only being worthwhile as a daughter if i excelled in what is "real studies", and of folks using me as a ref book under pretenses of friendship.
i was sick of proving myself. of living for others.
i understand now that was serving others as well.
after all, resistance, doing things "in spite", is just the opposite end of the stick of obedience, and i'm done with it now.
anyway.
just thought i'd say i understand.
i'm sorry you have to sell your abilities, your knowledge for appearances, for chances.
i've been down that road way more times than i care to remember
i hope you will one day meet someone that will see the beauty in the serious, the quiet in you. that will love you for your kindness, intelligence and beauty, for things you love best in yourself.
i hope it will be mutual, and that it will happen at the right time, the right way.
(hug)
i know i have.
shade.
