"Living well is the best revenge."

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TheLonelySkeptic

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This is going to sound utterly pathetic.
It seems no matter how much time goes by, no matter how hard I try to push her out of my mind, there she ever remains—help!

How do I forget her! Disregard all the chest-wrenching emotions that are evoked when even the slightest hint of her saunters into my mind—I can’t even stand the thought of her being happy! Help me! D;

She’s dating someone new, now: someone she hooked up with almost immediately after she dragged me across the country on a Greyhound bus that I paid for. That’s fine. I’m fine with that. I wouldn’t be if I still felt something for her; but I don’t. The only thing I feel towards her is utter contempt. It’s as plain as this: I don’t want her to be happy, for the simple reason that I am unhappy. Someone like that—someone who so consciously stepped all over my love and trust—should not be warranted happiness; not while I trudge along in the mire that is my own self-pity.

This is why I get sick to my stomach when I read about her new boyfriend: how wonderful he is; how handsome, how charming, how strong he is. I got sick to my stomach when I read how excited she was to go out swing dancing with this new guy—something I would never be confident enough to do. I get sick to my stomach when she cheerily IMs me, asking how I am, assuming most idiotically that I even want to be cordial with her, let alone friends.

I know what you’re thinking, right? “Oh, dear Liapos! Why don’t you simply stop reading about her!” Hah! You, Dear Reader, have obviously never felt the hunger pangs of the disgruntled stalker! Any hint of dissatisfaction in her life would send me into an orgasmic frenzy of optimism for my own. How callous, you say! How cruel, you say! I say, on what ivory pedestal do you stand?

I sigh. She shouldn’t be happy. Why is she happy? I should be happy. I’m not, though, and as of now all I do—whether it be working on my would-be novel or dragging my ass to school every morning—, everything, it’s all in an effort to live well: to live well, so she can only frown upon what she could have had. Conversely, every time I fail is like a little victory for her.

Yes. It’s wrong. I don’t care.

George Herbert once said, “Living well is the best revenge.” Revenge, yes; but it’s also the surest means of pouring salt into wounds. That’s what it feels like every **** time she smiles.

**** it.

I hope she gets Herpes.



Help. >.>


 
Reminds me of someone I let rot in the halls of my memory.

You're transfixed. It's easy to let happen. When someone means that much to you and you know deep in your heart you mean very little in the grand scheme of there life you get caught up in the idea that the balance is unfair. I was once obsessed with correcting that balance myself. Then one day while she was in the car with me I told her i was dropping her off and i would never talk to her again. I would always care about her more then she could even fathom caring for me.

It's the simplest and hardest answer that's left for you. like an addiction you must cut yourself off. Whatever that means. if your finding yourself mindlessly floating onto her profiles or however you find yourself absorbing yourself with her you need to take a break from those toture facilitators.

Remember no one's gonna flip a switch and make it all go away. You have to do something and it's within your ability. Don't try looking at another girl for a while. It sounds like it's time to look within yourself for purpose.

And here's a tip. The moment I stopped searching for fairness and love it began to seep into my life. Don't become obsessed with the trivial bullshit... life will take care of karma. Focus on yourself.
 
you just got to allow yourself to switch off from it, you do this by removing all reminders of her from your life. eg any personal items associated with her, her phone number, msn address, pictures.

Out of site out of mind. It seems to have worked for me, although it does take time to work. :)
 
Okay well all I can say is to first delete her from your contact list and start on a new life for you. That's not easy (the new life) I've been dreaming of mine for 2 years and today it got somewhat better. You told me how callous she was of you, she doesn't deserve your attention. I'd be feeling like you are too, wondering if some higher power would grace me the gift of upsetting her life to the point it would make me happy to see her in a lower position, that would be like winning a small victory.
 
yeah..my ex-wife told that honeysuckle....I guess she was pissed off at me.
I tried to follow her advice...I hopped bed with two other women...
I was pissed off at her too. Evidently She didn't like that idea when I applied it.

well...fresia me, til Tuesday. I get up everyday..i tried to forget about my ex.
The fucken wreackage my ex cuased is there...I'm trying to move on with my
life as best as I can...but fresia it's a bit difficult when I still have to clean up
her fucken mess. Yeah man...while she's fucken holding hands singing fucken
cummbaa fucken yaaa, life is so fucken grand. I have a feeling she knew how I
was about revenage...the crazy ***** went way out of her god **** way to
dystroyed all my honeysuckle...The inclues a loving relationship with another woman.

Yeah..I'm having fucken idenity crises...I don't like this fucken crazy mess.
And fresia act of fucken GOD...Fucken why..,,i don't know.

I sat in a car with another woman the other night.
She fucken look at me on the eyes and said....
She belives God sent people into her life for a reason...and that there was a reason for everything.
And how in the hell did I ended up in this woman's car to begin with ?...I don't know.
I feel like I'm going out of my god **** mind again....
In the back of mind...I'm thinking is she for real..and is she going to fresia up all my honeysuckle too ?
Yeah...I still have turst issues but it's getting better.

Yeah...like darkener said...The moment I stopped wanting my ex to say sorry or make any type of amends
setting things right, or justice....I felt more releave or free of her.
I don't even expect her to write me a fucken letter and stick it on my fucken grave...even that is too much expectations
out of her.

It's a combination of everything as others had stated.
Plus I also had to dig really fucken deep of why I got involved with an abrasive and abusive person ?
 
stella said:
you just got to allow yourself to switch off from it, you do this by removing all reminders of her from your life. eg any personal items associated with her, her phone number, msn address, pictures.

Out of site out of mind. It seems to have worked for me, although it does take time to work. :)

I've done all this, and still she lingers...
 
I was in this exact same situation. I took the method of throwing away all aspects of her, and just stalking the living daylights out of her. I ended up with an alter ego who managed to drive her off of just about every **** networking site she was on. Once my victory was complete, I suddenly pretended to throw away my urge for her, and showed nothing but a false happiness, and started talking to this girl I knew almost constantly.

Finding out later on that my ex tried to add this friend of my mine on myspace, and my friend rejected her. She eventually started commenting after me on our mutual friend's facebooks. Once I wouldn't respond to anything at all, and made my profiles private - she suddenly has been mad more often (myspace and facebook evidence). Now I don't know if it's because of me, but that's karma well deserved..... after all, who breaks up with someone for no reason, then three days later date this greek dude. (who at this point might be breaking up with her, or being annoying to her, we can only hope.)

After enough time of pretending to take the high road, you unknowingly begin to take it. best of luck!
I seriously would also add that religion does help - it keeps you sane and from not going to complete madness... I mean goodness, without it, I almost had some chick I knew go to find her and beat the living hell out of her.
 
TheUnknown said:
I was in this exact same situation. I took the method of throwing away all aspects of her, and just stalking the living daylights out of her. I ended up with an alter ego who managed to drive her off of just about every **** networking site she was on. Once my victory was complete, I suddenly pretended to throw away my urge for her, and showed nothing but a false happiness, and started talking to this girl I knew almost constantly.

Finding out later on that my ex tried to add this friend of my mine on myspace, and my friend rejected her. She eventually started commenting after me on our mutual friend's facebooks. Once I wouldn't respond to anything at all, and made my profiles private - she suddenly has been mad more often (myspace and facebook evidence). Now I don't know if it's because of me, but that's karma well deserved..... after all, who breaks up with someone for no reason, then three days later date this greek dude. (who at this point might be breaking up with her, or being annoying to her, we can only hope.)

After enough time of pretending to take the high road, you unknowingly begin to take it. best of luck!
I seriously would also add that religion does help - it keeps you sane and from not going to complete madness... I mean goodness, without it, I almost had some chick I knew go to find her and beat the living hell out of her.

If it takes religion to make you a good person, then I would not want to be your neighbor.
 
I understand how you feel. It's tough getting over someone that used to be so significant, a lot of us have been there. You go through all of the emotions till you finally get to acceptance and unfortunately some people just don't get there. People will give you all kinds of advice how to deal with it, but it never works if you're not willing to move on. It lingers, makes you obsess and sucks the life out of your happiness. Sometimes the only way to put it aside, is to find someone else. The old saying is the only person that can take the pain away, is the person that hurt you - but in the real world more often the person that hurt you doesn't give a **** and is happier without you. The best revenge, is to let them see you happy and living your life like they don't matter - because that's exactly what they're doing. Basically you're just hurting yourself, ya know. Hate is a curved blade. Like Dave Chapelle said, zip it up and zip it out!
 
It is hard to get them out of your mind, but maybe it will help to find out it can be worse. The love of my life, with whom I ended it because we were just hurting each other all the time, plus I have trust issues, and about whom I feel all those stomach churning pangs whenever I think about, I came across on an amateur porn site being nailed by her knew fiance, heavily pregnant in some pictures.

I am simply not complete after eight years without her, and I have no idea how to solve that problem. But I know that it only makes it worse looking at pictures of her, so I don't. And no, I don't know how I resist that temptation, but it screws me up anyway.
 
Man, I know how you feel. I've been through the same thing. Meet up with someone who's been in a long distance relationship with and bam... doesn't work out. Feels even worse when ya spend your own money too. Even more worse is that she's stuck in your mind... yeah, I definitely understand that feeling. Then ya get that gut feeling of betrayal when she gets together with another almost immediately. You're a great guy, even greater that you've done all that to see her. Don't let what the past has been done to you, chip away at that good part of your soul. Live well, not for her or any stranger. Live well for yourself and keep mining for that heart of gold. Don't let her bring ya down, cause chances are... your ex has already forgotten ya completely. You'll go through that phase of being pissed, realizing the reality of how could ya not foresee your shortcomings, and then finally just move on with a knowing smile that you've become a wiser man. Cause when your buddies go through the same thing, you can take em out for a drink and share your story to help em cope with their loss.
 
crescendo.daNiente said:
This is going to sound utterly pathetic.
It seems no matter how much time goes by, no matter how hard I try to push her out of my mind, there she ever remains—help!

How do I forget her! Disregard all the chest-wrenching emotions that are evoked when even the slightest hint of her saunters into my mind—I can’t even stand the thought of her being happy! Help me! D;

She’s dating someone new, now: someone she hooked up with almost immediately after she dragged me across the country on a Greyhound bus that I paid for. That’s fine. I’m fine with that. I wouldn’t be if I still felt something for her; but I don’t. The only thing I feel towards her is utter contempt. It’s as plain as this: I don’t want her to be happy, for the simple reason that I am unhappy. Someone like that—someone who so consciously stepped all over my love and trust—should not be warranted happiness; not while I trudge along in the mire that is my own self-pity.

This is why I get sick to my stomach when I read about her new boyfriend: how wonderful he is; how handsome, how charming, how strong he is. I got sick to my stomach when I read how excited she was to go out swing dancing with this new guy—something I would never be confident enough to do. I get sick to my stomach when she cheerily IMs me, asking how I am, assuming most idiotically that I even want to be cordial with her, let alone friends.

I know what you’re thinking, right? “Oh, dear Liapos! Why don’t you simply stop reading about her!” Hah! You, Dear Reader, have obviously never felt the hunger pangs of the disgruntled stalker! Any hint of dissatisfaction in her life would send me into an orgasmic frenzy of optimism for my own. How callous, you say! How cruel, you say! I say, on what ivory pedestal do you stand?

I sigh. She shouldn’t be happy. Why is she happy? I should be happy. I’m not, though, and as of now all I do—whether it be working on my would-be novel or dragging my ass to school every morning—, everything, it’s all in an effort to live well: to live well, so she can only frown upon what she could have had. Conversely, every time I fail is like a little victory for her.

Yes. It’s wrong. I don’t care.

George Herbert once said, “Living well is the best revenge.” Revenge, yes; but it’s also the surest means of pouring salt into wounds. That’s what it feels like every **** time she smiles.

**** it.

I hope she gets Herpes.



Help. >.>



I went through the same thing you did. Probably still am going through.

I dated a girl for nearly four years. The first two years of our relationship I between school (just working) while she was finishing up high school (I was 19 she was 17). Things were pretty perfect the first two years.

She ended up going to college far off and I dedicated myself to finishing up community college and transferring to the same school she did. Oh I know, I really set myself up there.

Well suffice to say, we got in a huge fight and she went on a drinking/valium binge and ended up sleeping with another guy. She ended it. I was within a week of arriving at her college.... I wanted at least to not prematurely end it, and have time for it to digest and make a decision about the relationship (when I was there) but she made the decision for me.

I was upset about it for the longest time. I went through periods of self-hate, periods of asking myself "what-if", periods of intense hate for her. She almost immediately two weeks started dating somebody as a bf (not the guy she slept with, who ended up dating one of her best friends.. weird eh?) That almost immediately confirmed my suspicions that she had just been tempted to leave me for a longer time than just that one rash decision (the argument was the catalyst probably.. the straw that broke the camel's back)

Well anyway, you can imagine we shared a lot in four years. That's nto short period of time. It took me a good year to mostly "get over it". Every time I saw her I wanted the most terrible things to happen to her. Every time I saw pictures online of her and her new bf I'd say "why this chump" in my opinion he was a huge step down from myself.

I stopped caring after a while. I do admit time to time I check up on her. She dropped her other bf on Valentine's Day last year and started seeing some other guy.

Heck I guess if you allow it, your curiosity will haunt you forever.

I support in my case though, if I was actively seeing somebody else. I probably wouldn't be bothering with anything.

Time heals all wounds my friend. I recommend removing her from facebook/myspace if you're friends... deleting or at the very least storing pictures of yourself and her on a flash drive or burnt CD/DVD and stashing it away for at least 6 months. Get rid of all the stuff that reminds you of her.

Take up an active hobby. During our relationship I packed on a fair amount of weight and became sedentary. I'm proud to say in 5 months after we broke up I lost 50 pounds from dedicated exercise and diet, and I'm in the best shape of my life.

After all, she's moved on. Your own self-pity will only eat yourself up and kill you on the inside. Create something positive from the negative... and you'll be fine.
 

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