Anybody else bad at making friends?

I'm terrible - really bad. I haven't had any proper, close friends for 18 years. I used to be fairly popular when I was 12/13 years old and then it just became an uphill struggle from then on. I liken myself to 'Mad Max' (minus the violent parts) - I'm too far gone. I can't seem to get the help that I need either from doctors, counsellors, psychologists etc - I always end up in the same position. I have tried everything - different work places, meetings, groups, college, University. Result=No close friends

ya, me too. no close friends. i seem to offend people easily. i think im just socially retarded. a couple of kids in one of my classes used to talk to me a lot and now they dont talk to me at all. not really sure what i did. that happens to me a lot.

honestly, im just getting used to it and accepting my place in the big cosmic picture. life is all about balance. someone has to balance out the social freaks. guess im it.
once you accept it, it really isnt that bad anymore.

I can really relate. I've been in therapy for a couple of years and my therapist is always encouraging me to get more social interaction. I belong to a volunteer organization and in the past few months, I've hosted a party and started a book club and it...is...so...HARD!!! For the party? Only one person told me they were coming (I sent out email invitations), so I called people and enough agreed to come to make it a real party, but it was like pulling teeth to get people to come. And I sent out one of those really nice Evites where all you have to do is click "no" or "yes" and people would not do it! The party was fine; I don't like to host, but it's the only way I'll ever get to go to a party. I think people had fun (I know there was a lot of laughing) and people told me on their way out they had a great time, but I haven't heard from any of those people since. And the book club? It's the same thing; it's like pulling teeth to get anyone to come to the meetings. And I do absolutely everything. I host, I pick the books, and I handle all of the admin stuff (emails, phone calls, discussion questions, arranging places, facebook postings).

My therapist is really happy that I'm trying, but even she had to admit that she's never seen so much unresponsiveness.

I don't know...

travis said:

I'm terrible - really bad. I haven't had any proper, close friends for 18 years. I used to be fairly popular when I was 12/13 years old and then it just became an uphill struggle from then on.

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You have company.

Actually, it appears I'm not all that bad at acquiring friends, but they seldom develop into closer meaningful friendships, and then usually die painfully (sometimes fast, sometimes annoyingly prolonged).

No longer being a spring chicken, I'd say there could be a correlation to age. I had more friends in my teens-thirties, but in hindight, I question their quality. Maybe our standards rise.
olg

murdoch said:

My therapist is really happy that I'm trying, but even she had to admit that she's never seen so much unresponsiveness.

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I'm in the same boat.
My counsellor agrees I'm doing all the right things, and considers me very likeable, but is mystified at the low results.
Like you, I get involved in everything I can - outdoor groups, activity groups, support groups, you name it, but I'm getting paltry results.

The odd time when things click, it appears there are all kinds of strange strings attached (but that's fodder for another thread).
olg

my best friends betraied me and my normal friends dont fill the spot. i find miself giving everything and invest in friendships that always kick me in the but. im a person with principals and i find that people use that to hurt me and manipulate me.
my best friend fought with my father and my ex left me for other guy she met in the internet, I GOT PASSED IT but now i find myself alone cus i didnt forgive either of them.

Ludvan said:

my best friends betraied me and my normal friends dont fill the spot.

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Yep. Been there, done that (over & over actually). Bummer. Still looking for remedies.
olg

I've always been terrible at making friends, and I always will be. It seems to get harder and harder with time. Being 27 years old isn't helping much. Just where am I supposed to be to make friends anyway? I work and I home. That's the dumb and pessimistic half of me.
The optimistic and smart half of me knows that getting involved in more activities and expanding my interests would take me far towards acquiring new friendships. I wish I could just do it like Nike.

For some reason, I had a lot of friends when I was 12-13, but then I moved schools and things haven't been the same since. I haven't had a friend in real life for about 5 years now.

I'm fortunate enough to not have moved away from the one real friend I made in middle school otherwise I'd be in the exact same boat. It's like, you grow up and other folks you meet talk about the stupidest honeysuckle sometimes to the point where you want to smash them with a brick or otherwise cannot relate in the slightest to what they are talking about. People your own age are living in a different reality and you feel as if you've been born in the wrong society or time period or something.

jjam said:

I've always been terrible at making friends, and I always will be. It seems to get harder and harder with time. Being 27 years old isn't helping much.

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I know with age it seems to get more difficult - people seem more cautious about connecting, many havingbeen bitten - but at 27 you have many years ahead to improve things. There's always some downside to every age, and to use it as a reason for anything is futile.

I'm way beyond your age, and admit things still aren't anywhere near where I want them to be. But, dammit, I refuse to give up. Nor should you.
Try joining some special-interest groups IRL. Though it's not been a solution for everything, it's helped me cope.
olg

I don't know if I can say I'm bad at making friends.
I'm known to be antisocial, though.
I used to be outgoing, willing to make new friends.
Something in me changed though, and I can't wait to get away from everyone.

I can have friendships but I can't keep them.
They're not what I'm looking for really.

SimizAkri said:

I don't know if I can say I'm bad at making friends.
I'm known to be antisocial, though.
I used to be outgoing, willing to make new friends.
Something in me changed though, and I can't wait to get away from everyone.

I can have friendships but I can't keep them.
They're not what I'm looking for really.

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same here. it has always been easy for me to make friends but for some reason im an antisocial. i have like 3 true friends and i even shut them out for months at a time.

Unacceptance said:

It's like, you grow up and other folks you meet talk about the stupidest honeysuckle sometimes to the point where you want to smash them with a brick or otherwise cannot relate in the slightest to what they are talking about. People your own age are living in a different reality and you feel as if you've been born in the wrong society or time period or something.

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I've felt like that many times before. Most of the people around me are either unrelatable or annoying or too far away/too busy, it seems. I often feel like I'm on a different wave length than most as well.

You're not the only one, believe me. =\

murdoch said:

... it...is...so...HARD!!! ...

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That sounds like an incredibility valiant effort on your part. I sorry it didn't lead to the results you wanted.

I am so poor at it that maybe i should just try to see if i could get up to having some vague acquaintances.

I made a few friends.We have a few moments of happy time together.Not after long,it becomes acquaintance.

same thing here I used to be very popular as well as a class clown in high school but after having my break down and being locked in my room for 2-3 years I am now a social retard. I can always open a conversation but I can't really carry it

I haven't formed a lasting new friendship in about five years. I do have new co-workers that I get along with decently (I consider them work-friends) and one of my best friends married and I get along pretty well with his wife (I consider her my friend's wife). Fortunately my two best friends are still in town, although their lives are both much more complicated now and we don't have nearly the free time to get together anymore.

I seem to have lost track of the rules of social engagement. It doesn't seem as though "adults" have time for maintaining ordinary friendships.

I think it's because once people have friends, they don't like stepping out of their comfort zone to make more. If something isn't mandatory, they are usually going to find a good reason not to go. I mean, if I had lots of friends, why would I go to events where I don't know anyone and be uncomfortable?

In college, I tried to start a running club and emailed people to get them to run with me, and out of more than 50, only one person responded, so I really wasn't able to get the club started. Even in class, there was the same kind of apathy - no one was interested in class discussion. Frustrating.

I have a lot of hobbies, and as a result I've always had a whole pile of acquaintences, but I'll usually only have two or three people in my life that I truly consider to be good friends.

When I think back on it, I've never really gone out and made a friend. All the meaningful friendships I've ever had just kind of happened on their own, with no initiation.

I think people can try too hard to make friends. This can be disconcerting to some, and can actually push people away at times. I believe that if you put yourself out in the world (preferably around like-minded people), and just be yourself, you might find a friendship or two develop themselves without you getting in the way at all.