Will someone listen to me?

I need some advise on the situation I am in..if I post it on here will people help? I think it will be quite long so don't want to risk, writing it out to find people don't respond. It would be much appreciate because I just don't have anyone else :-(

id be willing to listen and advice

truetaurus said:

id be willing to listen and advice

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thank you - i am just writing it out now.

In order to get the best answer from anyone, I feel its best to post all the information, so I apologise in advance if this is a long read.

Me and my ex boyfriend met at our workplace when we were 16. We stayed together for just under 3 years and in that time, went off to university together. This is where is began to go wrong. In our first year, things were perfect. I remember thinking ‘wow, I love this situation and love it even more that I get to do it with someone I love’. However in our second year, my boyfriend began to play an addictive computer game and that resulted in him neglecting our relationship. I obviously loved him to pieces still and accepted the fact he loved the game, so never asked for him to stop it completely. When his addictive was at its worse (looking back now, I don’t know if I was aware it was an addiction) I did ask him to cut down and put effort back into our relationship, but he just couldn’t break away from the gaming environment.

So in January 2008, I decided I deserved better and we broke up. At the time we were leaving together, along with our other university friends. Because we were living together, things didn’t end right away. We were still very close and it was obvious that we didn’t want to be separated but I wouldn’t think of another way of dealing with it because he just was not willing to change his gaming routine. Also my parents had interfered by texting him horrible things because they knew I was hurt. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive them for that because it was so unnecessary.
Once the tenancy came to an end, we all moved out and that was heartbreaking. Not seeing him on a daily basis took along time to get used to and I craved hearing from him. We kept in contact and met up on a few occasions over the summer. In the mean time he began a new relationship, which when I found out, hurt a lot.

Then in September I went back to university but he didn’t. He failed his year because of his gaming, so decided to just get a full time job. Being back at university helped me, but I still got so lonely. Contact between us both continued, with us talking over the phone every couple of weeks. This continued for months (September until last week) and a few times, we had text each other, both agreeing that we missed each other. He is still in the same relationship and they are engaged but only to show ‘commitment’.

So last week he came down to where I am at university to see his friend (my friend also) and we all met up for a few nights out. It was so nice to see him again; it didn’t feel like any time had passed since we last saw each. While he was here, we spoke a lot about the old times and he explained that he regrets getting addicted to the game (he doesn’t play anymore), because he knows that if it wasn’t for that, we would still be together. He also hinted that he would love to be together again but it’s difficult because he works with the person who he is with now and has things like a holiday planned with her.

It’s clearly obvious that neither of us have let go of our old feelings but what do we do? If have to worry about my parents going mad and he has to risk so much more. But do you let go of something that you know is good? Do you just let them be happy and hope that in the future I will find happiness again? I don’t know if I’ll ever love anyone again like I love him. Also if we tried again, could I bare the heartbreak again? I don’t want his girlfriend to feel this pain either but can he really love her if we have done and said the things we have?

Being that I've never fought for anyone I loved (don't think I've ever truly been in love), it's hard to say. On one hand, I think you should fight for your happiness. On the other hand, it's hard to foresee that fight bringing happiness or worsening things. I don't know. Take it slowly? Maybe you could try being friends with the guy, being closer (as friends for a while and seeing if it gets back to where you want it?

Hmm its a difficult situation to provide advice as I dont know much about his personality.
Does he really still have feeling for you or is he just saying it? Have you kissed him recently?

He liked playing video games, it's not like he smoked cracked or went around behind your back and was sleeping around. Sounds like a missed chance. Don't screw it up if you get a second swing.

Whatever decision you make will be the correct one for you.

Just remember...the decision that you are making is yours and your alone.
This way you..yourself alone will be free and clear. And others will be free
and clear.
Whatever the outcome wheather it be good or bad.
You know you are responsible for your decision.

Yes..it's a good thing that you are bouncing this off of others...to get a better
persception or different pionts of views...But at the end of the day
The chioce is your's and your's alone to be made....No more blame game.
No more blaming anyone else...No more blaming yourself.

There's co-dependcy books and literature available ...if you want to do more
reserch about addictions and loving an addict or a person with addictive personalities.

Inspite of everything...Love yourself and formost.

Follow your gut....becuase it's mentally confusing and the emotions are strong.

As long as you stay honest, open and willing to love..Love will fine a way into your life.
As long as you love yourself...love will be drawn to you oneway or the other.

He's in your past for a reason, there nothing to say it will be different this time, but then theres nothing to say it wont be. whatever you do, prepare for a fight, it's not gonna be easy.

Hope things work the way you want

Well, first off I wouldn't worry about your parents.. I think they were reacting out of misplaced protectiveness for you.

As for you and him.. he obviously needs to end his current relationship before even thinking about it. Holidays can be cancelled, plans can be changed.. he shouldn't stay with someone if he's not truly committed to that relationship.

Bottom line.. do what you truly want to do, just be careful its not a one-sided decision.

When I was younger I was in a relationship that my parent's didn't like. Needless to say the relationship ended because of it and I've regretted it ever since. But, in saying that, you do move on and although you find other relationships you begin to accept that they can't be as great as the other.

Then again, if you don't want to miss out on the chance, I'd say go for it. But, make sure you're not the "other woman". If he wants to make a decision to restart something between you two, then he needs to end what he already has.

It's going to take a lot of communication on both of your parts, and I wish you the best of luck in it all

He sounds like someone who never takes action and puts up with the status quo even when it's wrong. If he's not happy with the woman he's with, he will have to make that break eventually and she will have to feel that pain. I say this as someone also failing to dump my girlfriend for fear she can't take it.

It seems you need to be sure he knows what he wants before you make a decision, but don't let him keep you hanging. While he's hedging his bets deciding how much he's willing to change his life, you are missing out.

I really hope you find a way through this difficult time for you.