How important are physical characteristics?

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Alex_leFay

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Hey all...

For a long time I've been wondering how important physical characteristics are for attaction. What is it that makesd a guy come over and talk to you? It's nice to do a song and dance about 'it's what's inside that counts', but is that really the case?

I mean, I'm a 20 year old female and I've never been in a relationship. I've agonised over why that is. Part of me knows it's because I'm chronically shy, but part of me believes it's because I'm just not pretty enough. I don't have major self-image issues and have generally considered my self average. But lately I feel pressure to look like something out of Vogue whenever I attend a social gathering.

I have a close friend who does unfortunately look like a super model and guys instintively approach her first when we go out. It's disheartening to feel like the 'not so pretty' friend.

Maybe some younger men (and women) can enlighten me. Do men really want women who look like centre folds?
 
Unfortunately yes I think they do, Most of them anyway.

I never get girls look at me in that way. Am no modal and am small and walk with a limp. Girls don't mind being my friend but for there BF they wont the big tall and strong guy. Non of witch I am. I think girls and boys are the same and put to much enthercers on first impressions. To many ppl talk to one another just cos they think there good looking. We should learn to talk to one another be for we make judgement. Most of the time I don't think ppl are not bothered by what comes out of a persons moth and only care how they look.

Of course there are some ppl that or not this ignorant and its one of them girls I well hopefully find one day. And if I don't then I don't. Not much I can do about that really.
 
(((hugs))))
Girl,

No worries. Time will come and u will find ur guy.
In long term serious relationship, it's not all about looks but more about personality.
When time comes, u will find someone who u find connected with.

but if it's for short time one..... ah well~~~

Anyway ..... hugs
 
You're right, Lingo, it is about connection. The problem is, I'll never know if there is a connection if no-one talks to me. I know I should do the approaching as well...but that's scary.

Bluey-I know many girls who don't nec go for the "tall, strong" guy. Is it a generalisation to think that guys more into looks than girls?
 
:) hugss
U will know when the connection comes.
No worries. As for the approaching part, it's not really good if it is overly done it. :p
And ya.... it's scary.
 
Alex_leFay said:
Bluey-I know many girls who don't nec go for the "tall, strong" guy. Is it a generalisation to think that guys more into looks than girls?


Well I think both sexes are guilty on basing there attraction Solly on looks. I don't blame ether sex moor then the other. But ye I have made a generalisation but I can only go by my own experience and in my experience girls do go for guys a lot of the time in clubs for example be for the guy has even said anything. So that has to be Solly on looks.
 
Bluey said:
Alex_leFay said:
Bluey-I know many girls who don't nec go for the "tall, strong" guy. Is it a generalisation to think that guys more into looks than girls?


Well I think both sexes are guilty on basing there attraction Solly on looks. I don't blame ether sex moor then the other. But ye I have made a generalisation but I can only go by my own experience and in my experience girls do go for guys a lot of the time in clubs for example be for the guy has even said anything. So that has to be Solly on looks.

It's true that not all girl go for 'tall and strong' guy.
and for serious relationship, i guess look isn't solely the reason.
As for fun stuff~~~ ya, I guess look is definitely top 1 in the list for both guys and girls, rite? :p
 
lingo said:
As for fun stuff~~~ ya, I guess look is definitely top 1 in the list for both guys and girls, rite? :p

I would say so ye, Not for me but for most guys and girls ye.

For me just someone that knows how to take care of there self but not Solly based on looks. In fact the most important thing for me is if she has the ability to make me laugh :) She dose that and shes got me lol
 
I suppose, to be fair, the first thing you see is the physical, so it would make sense that an initial response is based on that.
 
Bluey said:
lingo said:
As for fun stuff~~~ ya, I guess look is definitely top 1 in the list for both guys and girls, rite? :p

I would say so ye, Not for me but for most guys and girls ye.

For me just someone that knows how to take care of there self but not Solly based on looks. In fact the most important thing for me is if she has the ability to make me laugh :) She dose that and shes got me lol

I guess making someone laugh is what everyone wants too. :p
Because it makes u feel connected with her
isn't it? XD
 
Alex_leFay said:
I suppose, to be fair, the first thing you see is the physical, so it would make sense that an initial response is based on that.

That is also true :( Something I have never liked but I Guss that is the only thing you can do to start with.
 
lingo said:
Bluey said:
lingo said:
As for fun stuff~~~ ya, I guess look is definitely top 1 in the list for both guys and girls, rite? :p

I would say so ye, Not for me but for most guys and girls ye.

For me just someone that knows how to take care of there self but not Solly based on looks. In fact the most important thing for me is if she has the ability to make me laugh :) She dose that and shes got me lol

I guess making someone laugh is what everyone wants too. :p
Because it makes u feel connected with her
isn't it? XD

XD, That and for us to be able to trust.
 
Bluey said:
lingo said:
Bluey said:
lingo said:
As for fun stuff~~~ ya, I guess look is definitely top 1 in the list for both guys and girls, rite? :p

I would say so ye, Not for me but for most guys and girls ye.

For me just someone that knows how to take care of there self but not Solly based on looks. In fact the most important thing for me is if she has the ability to make me laugh :) She dose that and shes got me lol

I guess making someone laugh is what everyone wants too. :p
Because it makes u feel connected with her
isn't it? XD

XD, That and for us to be able to trust.

True, indeed.
Trust is a must, especially for serious relationship.
 
They are important to some, unimportant to others, and moderately important to the rest. It's all about finding the right person. That's easier said that done, though. The problem is that people who are more like you and have the same ideas of what a relationship and what attraction is like are also going to have the same shyness as you. Guys who are probably not too worried about looks are also the guys who probably don't go out very often or talk to girls when they do go out.

The underlying thing that is going to keep a relationship going is the personality, not the looks. It's just that initial step of talking that's going to be rough.

If you're not too confident about your looks you will probably be better off chatting up some guys in class or at work and going on from there, rather than waiting to be approached at a party or whatever and being disappointed if you aren't. I don't really have any luck if I go to a party or anything like that...I get too nervous to talk to girls even though there are a lot I would like to talk to.
 
well I'll be honest and looks matter to me actually most important thing.

for me a girl has to be "cute" and by cute it's not necessarily the steretype supermodel blond girl.

also hard to talk for all guys as different guys find different girls cute. Like for me for some reason I've never been really attracted to blondes, like there are a lot of blonde girls I know are very pretty and good looking but I still don't find them attractive.

thing is I don't choose to be attracted to attractive girls it's just biological so I don't feel bad lol.

lots of girls I don't find attractive have boyfriends so obviously someone else finds them attractive.

now that I think of it all the girls I have been attracted to have been caucasian dark hair / dark eyes, light skin.

20 is still pretty young, I doubt every girl has had a boyfriend by 20.
 
Alex_leFay said:
Hey all...

For a long time I've been wondering how important physical characteristics are for attaction. What is it that makesd a guy come over and talk to you? It's nice to do a song and dance about 'it's what's inside that counts', but is that really the case?

I mean, I'm a 20 year old female and I've never been in a relationship. I've agonised over why that is. Part of me knows it's because I'm chronically shy, but part of me believes it's because I'm just not pretty enough. I don't have major self-image issues and have generally considered my self average. But lately I feel pressure to look like something out of Vogue whenever I attend a social gathering.

I have a close friend who does unfortunately look like a super model and guys instintively approach her first when we go out. It's disheartening to feel like the 'not so pretty' friend.

Maybe some younger men (and women) can enlighten me. Do men really want women who look like centre folds?

Hi Alex!

I can really relate to your post on a personal level (because I experience a lot of similar things to what you just described). Well, I can't speak for all the guys, but I can certainly speak for myself, and I assume that it is very similar to most guys like me. So here goes:

Physical beauty plays an important part for the initial interaction. Like when I see a beautiful girl/woman and I am speaking with her (for whatever reason, not necessarily because I hit on her, could be just some formal talk), I feel attraction for her and have an inner desire to develop it to something further (although for the most part I don't do anything anyway lol). But this is just the initial interaction, if there is one at all.

And the truth is, that if I were to see two attractive women, one "super-model" looking, and one, just "averagely" attractive; honestly, I would have more confidence in approaching the "average" one (maybe because I just feel a loss of confidence with the really attractive one). Not only that, sometimes I will not even approach an attractive girl, because she is "too hot" (and this I know effects tons of guys).

Another very important factor is the actual connection that I share with the girl. I can be extremely attracted with a girl, and she won't even be "that attractive". For me, the most important thing, is the actual emotional connection. I don't know, but for some reason, if I share a deep emotional connection to a girl, she suddenly becomes 10 fold more attractive than any other.

I even know this girl, who in my eyes, is very attractive physically, but I still mostly never talk to her, because she annoys me lol. How's that for enlightenment?

And in regards to your friend (the "super-model"), she may be lucky in getting a lot of attention from a lot of guys, but I highly doubt that this
beauty of her's gets her into meaningful relationships.

So, is what's on the outside important? Yes it is, but there are a lot more stronger factors involved.

I hope that this helped you ;)
 
I'm ugly and have someone. But he just might like me because I'm submissive... so, I don't know. I'm sure someone likes you. I was surprised that my brother's friend had liked me for all those years. But he did, and I've looked the same since I was about 13.
 
You'll find someone that agrees with your views and really likes who you are. On the inside and out because they are not the types who are just looking for something for that moment.

I need to stop trying to interact with such vulgar and arrogant women. Ones who say their looks are a 'gift and a curse'. LOfu**ingL What a joke. Or ones who want to be treated like 'princesses'. hahaha Seriously, I have heard things that just made me realize how fake and ugly some 'good looking' women are on the inside. The same goes for men, they are probably worse. Then again I have met some people currently who contain both and have just opened up my eyes that meeting people is a game of just hits and misses. Sadly, most of us, including myself, have waaaaaaaay more misses than hits.

I'm rambling on the obvious, but take time with someone and if they just don't seem right in the head or start treating you wrong then just leave them be. Let them torment the people who will cross their path in the future and regret it in the end.
 
mr inc. said:
Another very important factor is the actual connection that I share with the girl. I can be extremely attracted with a girl, and she won't even be "that attractive". For me, the most important thing, is the actual emotional connection. I don't know, but for some reason, if I share a deep emotional connection to a girl, she suddenly becomes 10 fold more attractive than any other.

I even know this girl, who in my eyes, is very attractive physically, but I still mostly never talk to her, because she annoys me lol. How's that for enlightenment?

And in regards to your friend (the "super-model"), she may be lucky in getting a lot of attention from a lot of guys, but I highly doubt that this
beauty of her's gets her into meaningful relationships.

So, is what's on the outside important? Yes it is, but there are a lot more stronger factors involved.

Yeah, this rings true. I guess it's just frustrating going through all the superficial stuff before getting to the 'meaningful'. But I totally agree. I've met a number of 'attractive' guys who turn out to be not so attractive after all once I get to know them. I guess its about putting myself out there...which is rather terrifying.
 
yes, looks are important. 99% of people that say they aren't are lying.

I can't be with someone i'm repulsed by, or even not attracted to.

With that... my standards aren't mega high and a great personality is still also a must.
 

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