Don't want parents to see you happy?

About a month ago I came to a big realization and wonder if other people feel the same, or if I'm unique. Here it is: a large part of why I'm isolated and unhappy is that I can't bear the thought of my mother seeing me happy. It's my way of arguing.

She really let me have it when I was a child, with the yelling and the making me feel like I was fundamentally flawed and not worthy of happiness. Not in an overly-dramatic or traumatic way, it would make a boring TV movie, but it really played into my natural personality. I remember being at school around other people and laughing or smiling, and then catching myself. I'm guilty, I shouldn't be doing such things. I was too ashamed of myself to assert any sort of want or desire for personal happiness.

Now I know rationally that she was wrong, but I've held on to those feelings so strongly for decades because that's my way of getting back at her. I'm showing that someone who actually believes what she says is guaranteed to have a miserable, failed life. Sounds strange, doesn't it? "I'm 36, no friends, unbearably miserable, missed out on life, and am so set in my ways there may be no way out. I win!"

If you were really, truly honest, how many readers have the same motivation?

I'm the same way. It's sort of a "you know those things you said? well look what damage they caused." sort of thing.

I know what you mean...

I wish there a **** anti virus program to erase all of that in my head like the Easy button i can get at
fucken Steples. Someone needs to drill a god **** hole in my head.

You can change if you want. I've been re parenting myself.
It takes a lot of determination and all kinds of mind blowing fucken tears.

On top of that ..you gatta ignore or tell other fucken dickheads in your current life to fresia off and go to
fucken hell for their BS. A personalities or B personalities...Young or Old, male or female, damaged or not
what you belive or what you don't belive , what you have or what you don't have...I dont give a fresia..
Don't fresia with me again Ya ^%$#@!..

Not the same motivation. But I get what you're saying.

why, oh why, would you waste your life on revenge?

Its YOUR life! Enjoy it. Be happy.

Being miserable as a revenge to your mom sounds absurd.

You're letting what she did to you in your childhood control your life. You had no control then, but you do now. Suck in that air, its YOURS to suck in.

Dont waste your life holding onto a grudge. Carpe Diem, Enjoy Life!

SophiaGrace said:

why, oh why, would you waste your life on revenge?

Its YOUR life! Enjoy it. Be happy.

Being miserable as a revenge to your mom sounds absurd.

You're letting what she did to you in your childhood control your life. You had no control then, but you do now. Suck in that air, its YOURS to suck in.

Dont waste your life holding onto a grudge. Carpe Diem, Enjoy Life!

Click to expand...

Or better yet seize the vengeance!

Unacceptance said:

SophiaGrace said:

why, oh why, would you waste your life on revenge?

Its YOUR life! Enjoy it. Be happy.

Being miserable as a revenge to your mom sounds absurd.

You're letting what she did to you in your childhood control your life. You had no control then, but you do now. Suck in that air, its YOURS to suck in.

Dont waste your life holding onto a grudge. Carpe Diem, Enjoy Life!

Click to expand...

Or better yet seize the vengeance!

Click to expand...

Seconded.

Unacceptance said:

SophiaGrace said:

why, oh why, would you waste your life on revenge?

Its YOUR life! Enjoy it. Be happy.

Being miserable as a revenge to your mom sounds absurd.

You're letting what she did to you in your childhood control your life. You had no control then, but you do now. Suck in that air, its YOURS to suck in.

Dont waste your life holding onto a grudge. Carpe Diem, Enjoy Life!

Click to expand...

Or better yet seize the vengeance!

Click to expand...

I love your morbid sense of humor Una xD. It kills me every time.

but, I dont agree with you, nor do I agree with Crescendo.

I was reading a book by Dave Pelzer a month or so ago and within the book Dave wrote about how important it is not to hate/ harbor hate/resentment.

He cited his mother, who had pratically dedicated her whole life to spiting his grandmother. And Dave Pelzer looked upon how she lived her life and what she said as being a waste of a life. He decided, by looking at her life, that he would never hold resentment inside of himself.

I have things I could be angry about. Things I could technically get revenge for and hold inside myself. But I dont do so because I believe it is psychologically and emotionally unhealthy to hold anger and resentment inside of me for long periods of time.

How many years were you a child? 10? 12?

This was a small portion of your life.

Are you really choosing to allow this span of time to make the rest of your life miserable?

Accept your mom for who she is, and move on.

Did you know that Maya angelou was sexually abused as a child? This is what she has to say on it.

"History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again."
-Maya Angelou

That's my advice

btw welcome to the forum resist.

Those people who write those books think the world is a happy place without killing, Abortions, or world hunger. you just have to be OPTIMISTIC!

Its not that easy for some sometimes payback does make you feeel better. Kinda like lets say I got hit in the face If I hit the kid back (though not always the best choice) Im going to feel alot better than if I jsut sit there and let it happen.

My so called "father" beat any self confidence I would ever have out of me at a young age, I grew up very shy and was picked on constantly. I had to hide my emotions while around him or pay the price in flesh. I eventually became my own man and even have a child of my own, I broke the cycle of violence and draw great pleasure in knowing that I became the better man. The physical scars have healed but the emotional scars remain. I am no longer afraid of my "father" but the emotional scars he left behind will stay with me until I die. But I have placed these scars in the back of my mind and worked on building a somewhat normal life. Sometimes the best revenge is no revenge at all, just move forward and take their power over you away.

Why waste your time caring who sees you happy?