Funny words:

'Allo,
Me: 22 year-old guy, virgin, and sick of that. Never "kissed," never had a romantic relationship with a girl, and am not attracted to guys. Bad with girls; have what could be considered female "friends," but am, generally, unattractive to them. Probably because I am a "friend," but don't like interacting in a come-on way. Not fun, not good. Do not know how to make "friendship" romantic for girls.
Generally, not good at having fun. Don't enjoy much.
Student; law student. Tomorrow I will receive a paper back, in a class I've performed abysmally in over the past semester, and very nervous about this.
Note; most of my energies over my life have gone towards studies or travel. Also, diabetic, so without a profession as opposed to just a degree, I'm in a lot of trouble; no healthcare to buy necessary drugs/equipment/doctor/et cetera. Also, success in studies is a significant part of my personality, or lack thereof.
Rrrrrr... have no clue why I'm forum-speaking about it, just... Generally, what does one do? Is this what people have, generally, and I just don't know how to enjoy it?

So I received my paper back, and now am probably failing that class, though I spent three weeks writing the paper and had thought I had performed well on it.

Yay. This is what "failure" feels like.

Don't despair!  I went through a similar situation a few years ago with academics.  Have done extremely well in school for most of my life (and like you, have probably suffered personality-wise for it), so getting my first D was a shocker.  Eventually I came to the realization that grades aren't everything.

Have you talked to the professor about the paper?  Sometimes they're willing to change your grade.

Dear Guest,

You are NOT a failure. I know what it must feel like to be in that position, as I'm sure a lot of us here have, but the only thing we can do is keep trying harder and harder, and at least we know that if things do not go our way, we have given it our best. I hope you register and I can PM you

Heyy.. I understand! I'm a dental student, and i guess I don't need to press upon how much hard-work the field requires!
And I usually do 'abysmally' bad.. not for the want of working brain cells, but simply because my "social circumstances" keep me otherwise distracted!
And sorry to hear about your medical problem, it's a bummer I know.. And I also know no matter what anyone says about how it's going to be ok, you just need to focus yadda yadda... it's still a *****--- MOST of it!
So i guess.. what I'll say is what I do .......... Hang in there!

so it's been a bit of time since my last rant; why is it expression seems as though it'll make a person feel better? It's never really worked for me, and now I think I'm hooked on internet conversations, which is funny.
Anyway. Now it's three weeks until finals, and I'm finding it very difficult to study. I don't know why, exactly, but I have a few ideas, first being that I'm afraid of failure and I may think that if I just don't study, I didn't put my best effort in, and so I didn't really fail.
Silliness...
I know, it's stupid, but I just can't seem to concentrate.
Also... I've lost a sense of purpose. I keep thinking, "Will I always be dependent on how well I can do today?" "Will I always be judged, every second, and compared to everyone else?" I would like to do something some time that's not always an attempt to be interesting, where I have to move conversation along, where I always have to be researching something, so as to have topics to discuss, but it seems contrary to past experience that constant judgment can be avoided.
Of course I'll always be judged, it's unreasonable to expect otherwise, but this is a frustrating concept to accept.
I don't want to be judged any more; I just want to do my work, as well as I can, and have it be good work.
I'm sick of waiting to be told that it's good enough.

As well, I took a picture of myself today; I was suprised at how remarkably unattractive I am, which is also a disconcerting idea.
It's again a reminder of the competition that's always present. Can I compete with persons who actually do physically attract others, no, but what other arenas are there to compete in? Being smart doesn't work well; people generally assume I'm smart, but I'm not particularly romantic, either. I don't know how funny I am, but my wit, if it exists, is dry, which I don't know if it's in any way competitive.

I also don't know whether this obsession with competition is just a product of capitalism or human nature, or...
I've carried on enough.

Appy polly loggies.

You're way of thinking is quite similar to mine. I too wonder why i have to look interesting, sometimes I juz get tired of it, I always try to be cool and stuff, but that juz increases my awkwardness, I keep thinking, WHY the hell am i doing this? is it because i want other ppl to like me? if it is, it's not working, i have almost no friends, I have been acting this way for so much time...i actually forgot who i am, which is a very weird concept, regarding studies, I never gave a crap about my grades, even though i'm pretty smart, it juz doesn't make sense to me to be worried over something in a piece of paper instead of my obvious inability to relate and make friends with most ppl, well...it's not that i'm not likeable or anything, i guess you could say i'm not fun to be with, at least for ppl I juz met. My personality is so confusing....even though i seem insecure, I'm confident in juz about anything except, relationships and social skillz. What you said about been unnatractive is a very weird thing to think I guess, while you find yourself ugly, I'm told to be handsome, hot, and smart, and even so, i have no confidence whatsoever, also i find myself ugly(inferiority complex?) , which juz makes me remind of something a teacher once said to me, "even if you're ugly if you think you're handsome you're 'saved' " , which makes me think if there's a difference between me and you, since the mind is very tricky. Also I wonder which one of ourselves is worse, is it better to be ugly? or be handsome and think yourself ugly?
what is weird is because ppl say i'm handsome, i think i'm even more strange, in the sense that everyone expects me to be a stud or whatever, if you're ugly, they dun expect ya to get girls as easy for example, for others is juz common sense, but what if you're handsome and still dun get girls? ppl judge you, and when they know how you actually are they feel disapointed, my best friend gets tons of girls, and he says i could do it too, so it's juz weird to have all these ppl, thinking "is that guy stupid, he could easily have a girlfriend. but he's so weird" , I dun know about you, but even though I look cool and stuff, I was picked on a lot in school, probably for the way i am, maybe that's the reason for my lack of social skillz, all these kids playing and laughing, and there was I with a poker face, if you actually saw me, you'd think i was a show off and I also look rude, it's very interesting how appearances are misleading , well, that was juz to give ya piece of my mind, good luck with your life =)

Is anyone else upset, actually, by the death of Kurt Vonnegut? I logged onto my Myspace account and already T-shirts are being sold depicting him. I don't know whether he'd be amused or sadened by this. He was a good man, though, and I don't really feel like putting in a gigantic classification of what, "good," means.

Actually I have no idea who the hell Kurt Vonnegut is....so I'll have to use google to see who he is and why the hell he died =P