so HOW MUCH SOCIALIZING IS NORMAL??

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.

--Lanie--

Member
Joined
Mar 31, 2009
Messages
13
Reaction score
0
I know this may sound like a weird question for you but please tell me
HOW MUCH SOCIALIZING DO YOU THINK IS NORMAL? like how many times a week an ordinary grade 12 student with no social problems should go out with his/her friends and that kind of stuff?
In my first thread i was trying to figure out what is wrong with me, i was kind of embarrassed to talk to my mom, but then i finally did, and she suggested that maybe it's cultural and people in north america are generally busier than in europe and it's okay for them to say "i've got a lot of homework" to your invitation and that that doesn't mean they don't like you... I'm coming from a very "laid back" country, where people don't really care about classes and homework and just drink and party no matter what (then their parents pay and they enter universities and teachers don't let their students fail either :D) (and that is basically why we moved, my mom decided this was not a way to go) and this summer again i went there, lived for months at my friends place, we lived alone the two of us and there was always a bunch of my friend's friends there no matter what time of day or night so it was basically a non-stop two months long party. and then in september i came back here again.
I take excuses like "i have too much homework" VERY personaly. It sounds to me like a person didn't even bother to make something believable up but wanted to make it clear he doesn't want to be associatd with me..
For me a person who i talk to everyday or go to some "common interest club" is NOT a friend yet. A firiend is someone whose place you can come to anytime, and who will go with you anywhere and with whom you hang out at least 2 times a week and almost everyday during holidays.
a close friend for me is someone who you can call anytime day or night, who you hang out with almost everyday no matter holiday or weekday or whatever and stay over anytime you want and basically sometimes even live with (like i did).
An acquaintaince is somone who you hang out with approx. 2 times a week, you have to call and ask if he's busy before coming..
As it stands, i don't even have aquaintances!!! This is horrible!!!!
So back to my question how much 'socializing" do you think is normal for a normal grade 12 student??? :rolleyes2: Please help me. answer :)
 
It's best to say not how much socialising is normal, but how much socialising is normal for you.

Shouldn't really change yourself to be seen as normal.
 
well for me, as i said,-- rather a lot, then ppl are busy and i feel rejected which results in the feeling that something's wrong (with me), so i think id better find out how much is normal :)
 
lanie said:
A firiend is someone whose place you can come to anytime, and who will go with you anywhere and with whom you hang out at least 2 times a week and almost everyday during holidays.
a close friend for me is someone who you can call anytime day or night, who you hang out with almost everyday no matter holiday or weekday or whatever and stay over anytime you want and basically sometimes even live with (like i did).
An acquaintaince is somone who you hang out with approx. 2 times a week, you have to call and ask if he's busy before coming..
As it stands, i don't even have aquaintances!!! This is horrible!!!!
People tend to become busier as they get older. They become more responsible and have to focus on things other than hanging out. I don't think anybody could be that free with their time other than kids and maybe husbands/wives. I don't think you should take too much offense to your friend having a lot of homework. You may be putting too much pressure on your friends to hang out with you all the time, especially since they, and you are at that age when you have plenty to think about in terms of the future. I can't answer your question about socializing and normalcy, but I can say, it's okay to not go out every single weekend.
 
Its going to be very hard to find the definite answer that will help you. With the situation you are in it is good to see yourself thinking about it and trying to find a way. Hopefully something arises. For now, just keep your friends from overseas in your thoughts and keep in touch with them.

Alonerly is very right when it comes to things in North America. Especially around grade 12. A lot of people are at the time of major change in their lives and are trying to figure out what university or college they want to get into. Things for me were the same. Grades 9-11 were fun, but there was still work to do. Then in grade 12 a lot of people just grind away to make sure they have something set in well for themselves to get onto the road of success. Socializing mostly came during the weekends for myself. So it will be tough for you to start being social at this time.

For now, try and do the same things as you see the people around you doing. It may seem strange, but kind of lurk around places where lots of people are. Don't ever act too desperate and just try to get a good feel at who is very friendly in your school. Try your best to cross paths with them.
 
but I can say, it's okay to not go out every single weekend
wow this is so weird! i don't understand how can a person possibly be so busy not to be able to spend 2-3 hours with a friend in 7 days!and yea, i actually saw when my friend (who was pretty popular) was inviting ppl to her birthday party some of them said they couldn't go BECAUSE OF HOMEWORK!!! This is ridiculous! You CAN"T ignore a friend's Birthday because of stupid homework!!
 
I don't think they are ignoring your friend. People have different priorities. Try and respect them. It is absolutely normal for people not to go out every weekend.
 
--Lanie-- said:
It is absolutely normal for people not to go out every weekend.
But what is loneliness then??

Oh my. What a question to ask. Its many different things and a lot of us here have many types of feelings and experiences to tag our lives as being lonely most of the time. Explaining loneliness in short would be a wasted effort. What you are going through is just another feeling and experience. This site will give you a little help, but the real solution and true reward is away from the computer. That is what I believe. You know your situation better than anyone and I hope you do find an answer out there. We can only take you so far here and just give you some insight and ideas that might help you or not.
 
DayvanCowboy said:
This site will give you a little help, but the real solution and true reward is away from the computer. That is what I believe. You know your situation better than anyone and I hope you do find an answer out there. We can only take you so far here and just give you some insight and ideas that might help you or not.

Yep.
 
--Lanie-- said:
I know this may sound like a weird question for you but please tell me
HOW MUCH SOCIALIZING DO YOU THINK IS NORMAL? like how many times a week an ordinary grade 12 student with no social problems should go out with his/her friends and that kind of stuff?
In my first thread i was trying to figure out what is wrong with me, i was kind of embarrassed to talk to my mom, but then i finally did, and she suggested that maybe it's cultural and people in north america are generally busier than in europe and it's okay for them to say "i've got a lot of homework" to your invitation and that that doesn't mean they don't like you... I'm coming from a very "laid back" country, where people don't really care about classes and homework and just drink and party no matter what (then their parents pay and they enter universities and teachers don't let their students fail either :D) (and that is basically why we moved, my mom decided this was not a way to go) and this summer again i went there, lived for months at my friends place, we lived alone the two of us and there was always a bunch of my friend's friends there no matter what time of day or night so it was basically a non-stop two months long party. and then in september i came back here again.
I take excuses like "i have too much homework" VERY personaly. It sounds to me like a person didn't even bother to make something believable up but wanted to make it clear he doesn't want to be associatd with me..
For me a person who i talk to everyday or go to some "common interest club" is NOT a friend yet. A firiend is someone whose place you can come to anytime, and who will go with you anywhere and with whom you hang out at least 2 times a week and almost everyday during holidays.
a close friend for me is someone who you can call anytime day or night, who you hang out with almost everyday no matter holiday or weekday or whatever and stay over anytime you want and basically sometimes even live with (like i did).
An acquaintaince is somone who you hang out with approx. 2 times a week, you have to call and ask if he's busy before coming..
As it stands, i don't even have aquaintances!!! This is horrible!!!!
So back to my question how much 'socializing" do you think is normal for a normal grade 12 student??? :rolleyes2: Please help me. answer :)

My daughter is the same age as you and also goes to college. We live in a very relaxed laid back invoronment too. She has always socialised and partied but during school time limits this to once or twice a week and normally at weekends. Also money is an issue too so it is unrealistic to expect to "party" more than once a week.

As for friends, then maybe they do have homework, my daughter is focused, (thankfully), on getting the grades she needs to go on to university and this comes first.

Please don't be too harsh if your friends or aquaintances do not want to meet up and try not to define what is a friend and what is an aquaintance. You will learn that through life you will probably only acquire a handful of true friends and these will not be judged by how many times you see them each week. My best friend I have not seen for years, too far away now, but i know if I or he were to walk through the door then it would be like it was only yesterday that we met.

Do not take things too personally you have lots of time to meet some true friends.
 
--Lanie-- said:
I know this may sound like a weird question for you but please tell me
HOW MUCH SOCIALIZING DO YOU THINK IS NORMAL? This is horrible!!!!
So back to my question how much 'socializing" do you think is normal for a normal grade 12 student??? :rolleyes2: Please help me. answer :)

Just as long as you talk with anyone, you don't need to be concerned as to how much time you should spend on chatting. Just enjoy the fact that you are actually socializing with someone, and before you know, you'll feel like doing it over and over again. Its a feeling that arises from anyone naturally, especially those who been lonely. Just don't let go of the momentum, and keep it up. We're cheering for you.;):D
 
Sometimes I don't go anywhere for weeks. Then all of a sudden ppl come out from the wood work and am out every day for a week. I have learned to say no to the pub crullers has that's just stuff that always gets me run down. I have learned to say no when I been out to often for ME. I think for me to be out about 3 nights a week is good. Right now that's about what am doing has well :) And its not with twats that just wont to drink them self into a stow :) Its all good. Am happy with that.
 
Bluey said:
Sometimes I don't go anywhere for weeks. Then all of a sudden ppl come out from the wood work and am out every day for a week. I have learned to say no to the pub crullers has that's just stuff that always gets me run down. I have learned to say no when I been out to often for ME. I think for me to be out about 3 nights a week is good. Right now that's about what am doing has well :) And its not with twats that just wont to drink them self into a stow :) Its all good. Am happy with that.

Hey man, that's really good. I bet you plan your social events.:)
 
Bluey said:
Sometimes I don't go anywhere for weeks. Then all of a sudden ppl come out from the wood work and am out every day for a week. I have learned to say no to the pub crullers has that's just stuff that always gets me run down. I have learned to say no when I been out to often for ME. I think for me to be out about 3 nights a week is good. Right now that's about what am doing has well :) And its not with twats that just wont to drink them self into a stow :) Its all good. Am happy with that.

Well done Bluey,

It is easy to fall into the trap of going to the pub each night. And takes will power to say no when the alternative is being home alone. 3 nights seem good. Keep it up!!
 
johnjohn said:
Well done Bluey,

It is easy to fall into the trap of going to the pub each night. And takes will power to say no when the alternative is being home alone. 3 nights seem good. Keep it up!!

Alvaro said:
Bluey said:
Sometimes I don't go anywhere for weeks. Then all of a sudden ppl come out from the wood work and am out every day for a week. I have learned to say no to the pub crullers has that's just stuff that always gets me run down. I have learned to say no when I been out to often for ME. I think for me to be out about 3 nights a week is good. Right now that's about what am doing has well :) And its not with twats that just wont to drink them self into a stow :) Its all good. Am happy with that.

Hey man, that's really good. I bet you plan your social events.:)

Normally in the past I have just seat in every bloody night. Then when the phone would go it be some nob that just wants a drinking partner and them kinder ppl just wont to drink from 11 in the morning to 3 am the next morning. I messed them off now and now I go to a poker night once a week. Never bet anything cos with my luck it be moor like a charterbol donation lol. I go to play snooker once a week. And normally I do something different with a cousin of mine like this week where going fishing. Just to find different stuff that you can enjoy a few times a week I think has made a good difference to my life. Its when I try to cram it all in together cos I think I wont get another chance to be out it all gets a bit much.

Don't always plane them tho. I have been living here at my home for just over 7 years and I never had a BBQ tell last week. It was randomly done and me and my cousin did one at my place and I invited a neighbor and some family. It was good and I think I do that again. It wasn't planed though but the other stuff like snooker and poker and the fishing is.
 
As long as you don't isolate.

I think when I was your age, I socialized too much. It effected my studies.
I tired to become just a weekend warrior...Like i said, I tired. :p

Yes, all work and no play sucks. You're actaully more productive if you socialize.
Yes, somtimes I'd go through phase of not having friends. But that's okay too.
At first it really bothered me...but after experincing it or meeting more freinds later.
I actually like my alone time for self reflections or working on my personal growth...stuff like that.

Yes friendship is important...
Even if you get into a relationship, spending time with freinds is healthy for the relationship.

I hope you find friends soon.

I had to move around a lot as a kid, so I learned at a young age to make friends.
I moved from Thailand to the USA..it was a total culture shock at first.
I attended a community college for a while...i had to learn to make new friends.
When I join the USAF...I also had to make knew friends becuase I got stationed at wherever.lol

I had a very hard time adjusting becuase I had work and my studies. I was still young.
I usually wait until the last moment to do my studies becuase I was partying too much.
Plus I also played in a metal band...We practice 3 times a week , plus my personal pratice.
But i find myself at night clubs or bars everynight chasing girls.

Even after I got married...It was difficult. I still wanted to party all the time and my wife
wanted to settle down. We used to party or go dancing all the time...but after she got
pregnant...It used to drive me crazy if I had to stay home for a weekend.

When i seattle down i had to learn how to make different friends. My GF didn't like me going to single bars.lol
When I got clean and sober..I had to make different friends.....clean and sober friends.

When I seattle , seattle down. Work and rasing a family.
I actually had to join a club (an R/C). I met couple of people that i became good friends with.
NO Girls at the flying fields...so my GF liked that idea.lol
My best friend at that time was a 15 year old kid...I was 25. We play vedio games, target pratice,
ride ATVs, work on my models...boys stuff.
My nieghbor was an elder gentalman..I'd either spend my friday or saturday night playing chess with him
if i didn't take my family out to dinner or the drive in (movies)
On sunday...I go out to the flying club and hang out most of the day.
For the most part my GF was my closet freind and my 2 step daughters kept me busy and companied.
And of couse...my dog Gizzmo. She was a german shapard...she was a very smart dog.
Bacailly my days where filled...i didn't have any alone time. If i did...i have to lock myself in the bath room
for 15 mins..while my daughter knock on the door asking "daddy what are you doing in there ? ". :p

Even the friends or people in my life now are different. I'm single again.
There's around 4-5 people or friends the knows me in greater depth.
1-2 I'm actaullly close to or starting to open up again.

I still know a couple of childhood friend...We don't hang out much like we used to...beucase they have
dfferent things going in thier lives too...but we'll talk or hang for a little bit if the opportunity present itself.
 
Lonesome Crow said:
As long as you don't isolate.

I think when I was your age, I socialized too much. It effected my studies.
I tired to become just a weekend warrior...Like i said, I tired. :p

Yes, all work and no play sucks. You're actaully more productive if you socialize.
Yes, somtimes I'd go through phase of not having friends. But that's okay too.
At first it really bother me...but after experince it or meeting more freinds later.
I actually like my alone time for self reflections or working on my personal growth...stuff like that.
Yes friendship is important...
Even if you get into a relationship, spending time with freinds is healthy for the relatioship.

I hope you find friends soon.

I had to move around a lot as a kid, so I learned at a young age to make friends.
I attended a community college for a while...i had to learn to make new friends.
When I join the USAF...I also had to make knew friends becuase I got stationed at wherever.lol

When i seattle down i had to learn how to make different friends. My GF didn't like me going to single bars.lol
When I got clean and sober..I had to make different friends.....clean and sober friends.

When I seattle , seattle down. Work and rasing a family.
I actually had to join a club (an R/C). I met couple of people that i became good friends with.
NO Girls at the flying fields...so my GF liked that idea.lol

Right on man. That's exactly what I was thinking. :)
 
Alvaro said:
Right on man. That's exactly what I was thinking. :)

You was thinking what he was thinking? I would be worried man, I would be very worried LMAO.

Acctroly Mr crow talks a lot of seance he just puts it in a none conformist way lol Think that might be a good way to put it. Dose he's own thing. I do acctroly think with the way he's lived he's life and he dose have brains he would be well suited to being a physciatrist.
 

Latest posts

Back
Top