does being a powerful woman equal a life alone?

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Aimeegirl

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Where do I start....I guess first of all by saying hello to everyone out there in cyber land who may be reading this. I hope that you are ok, and your day is bright, full of hope. If you're lonely I want you to know that you are not alone, and I'm sending you a cyber hug right now.

I suffer pretty badly from loneliness...have my whole life. I know lots of people because of the industry I work in, but they don't really know ME. I'm lonely because I haven't yet met someone that truly understands me for who I am, and loves me for it.

My entire being yearns for a soul partner to share my life with and love. I have so much to give...yet it seems that each time I find someone I love, they don't love me back the same way. It's devastating. I've been pretty much single for the last 7 years, and each day I am still alone the issue becomes bigger and bigger. The amount of rejection I have received is insane...lucky I don't have a complex by now. I still push on in hope that one day someone will love me back, someone will see my worth and want to be with me as much as I do them.

I'm 28 years old, and quite attractive. I'm independent, strong, creative, self sufficient and successful. I'm quite a spiritual soul in my own way and like to think my path is aligned with what the Universe desires. I do good in every way I can, and try to live my life to the fullest, spreading light and a smile wherever I go. I have my flaws like everyone, but I do my best to be my best.

I find it hard to believe that I have been put here on this Earth to walk my life alone. Don't get me wrong, I have lots of friends to keep me company. But not that one person who loves me utterly. I seem to have no luck in finding a partner, and it's so painful to me. And when it comes down to it, at the end of the day those friends go home and there you are, all by yourself again.

I work really hard upon myself, have for years. I have been doing everything I can to become a whole person, who needs for nothing outside of myself. I love myself very much & think I am great. I really need for nothing. But my heart yearns to be loved, truly loved. I try and try but I can't fill that space inside. I can't help but crave nurturance and care from another human being. Sometimes I wonder if this is my lesson, that I have to learn to truly not need the love of another. But it is so hard to let go of that which I have never had, and yearn for so deeply. I don't think there's anything wrong or unnatural about feeling the way I do. I just wish I knew how to make this loneliness go away. I don't want to want this thing that hurts me so much with it's absence all the time.

In all of my life no one has ever loved me so much that they would do anything to be with me. No one has truly been in love with me. And I am open to receive, as open as the sky. But he does not come. And the longer I am solo, the more my heart breaks. So I'm not sure what to do...how to fix this. It's always this same issue...and I worry that the absence of he in my life is causing this pain, which in turn keeps him away from me. It's a vicious cycle. I want to know how to break it. I keep trying different things to try and stop myself from wanting it so badly. I keep myself so very busy, I fill my life with wonderful things. But still, he is missing. I see something or experience something amazing in my life, and I savour it. But part of me grieves that I don't have anyone to share that moment with.

I wish I could be content with the idea of spending the rest of my life without a partner, to never have children, a family...but I can't. No matter how hard I try. The idea of going on for much longer without that person there to support and love me is one I cannot fathom. If I do end up 40 and still single, I honestly believe I will choose to end my life. For that will not be the reality I can deal with, or want to be a part of anymore. Life without love is not worth living in my eyes.

I cannot deal with the idea of growing old alone and by myself. I do not want to be one of those people, I will not. And yes, I know I'm still young, there's still time. That's what people tell me all the time. But it's so hard to believe that it will happen when it hasn't happened yet. This first 28 years of my life has been spent very alone...all I've wanted my whole life is to feel safe, and truly loved. Unfortunately a lack of emotional support from my parents has meant I have felt this way since I can remember. And I'm surprised that my time has still not come. I am still single. I am beautiful, young, successful, talented...yet I am all by myself, still.

It breaks my heart, over and over again. Still, I live an amazing life, and I give thanks for all of the blessings in my life. I really do feel blessed. I just hope and pray that soon, I will be spared from this solitude. Finally, maybe, someone might come into my life and see me for my worth and want to spend their life with me. I hope and pray with all of my being that this is the case.

I wonder, if I was shorter & littler & skinnier & cuter, would that change things? I'm quite tall & curvy, but well proportioned. I'm a size 14, I have a larger bone structure. But I'm fit and not overweight at all. People tell me I am very beautiful...but it seems that the men in this world would prefer someone who is not as smart as me & a lot more childlike physically. I'm all woman. I'm not short and a size 8. I'm tall and statuesque and real. See, I don't want to be with someone that is so shallow anyway as to only go out with such women. But it seems that really, that is what men prefer. All of the men in my life that I have loved, that don't want to be with (which makes all of them), they keep me close in their lives as their best friend and sister. Then they go out with a girl who is exactly that...short, skinny, not so smart, simple. And these are talented and intelligent men. What is going on?

Does all of this come down to men having an innate fear of the self-empowered feminine? Is this the reason...that I am still alone? Am I that self-realised that no man can match me? I hope and pray that this is not true, for that would be torture.

As a Universal Prayer, I pray that men and women alike awaken to their innate divinity and potential, and evolve TOGETHER. I know so many amazing women who are single...and they are beautiful and powerful like me. And the men to match them don't seem to exist.........

Does anyone have the answer to all of this? Are women like me destined to live a life alone, to never have families, or partners? Are we to be denied love because of our equality to the male species? Is this a classic example of the Adam, Eve and Lilith story replaying itself on the world stage? Do men only want to be with simple, submissive, small & youthlike women that can be controlled & dominated, like Eve? Does the Adam in all men still reject the power and independence of Lilith, and is she always to be barred from the garden, and a loving embrace?

I hope and pray that soon, there will be a man who is self empowered enough to not be intimidated by me & the light I shine. A man who will love me for my strength and walk by my side with the same strength, as my equal, with no fear-only love. I hope this for all people everwhere.
 
Well, judging by what you write and how you've written it..it takes a much more open minded, intellectual and philosophical minded individual to grab your attention. You seem to relate to people on a much higher level. I guess you come across as a very sophisticated person...there's nothing wrong in being one - but society has a way of looking down at people who share distinct and unique interests, thoughts and ideas. It's actually what they yearn for - but just can't be.

Maybe it's because you haven't found the right guy yet - maybe it's because you set very high standards, maybe it's because you come across as a serious type of person...fact is it doesn't count much on whether you're slim or beautiful.

Or it just might be that life is playing a cruel game on you...much like with yours truly. Just take care not to fall in love with someone who likes you for how you look, like they say...beauty is only skin deep.

Why not begin by sharing a smile with your co-workers, small talk to break the ice - with almost everyone you meet? It should change the way of things...
 
True love.. I think it's impossible with most people. I think... you just find someone who enjoys your company and stick together... it's not going to be eternal, and it's not going to be whole... nobody loves anyone wholly, there are always going to be some parts that you dislike about the other person... a part of love is patience... you (generic you) have to learn to live with the flaws of your "loved one" even though they annoy you..

So you can have relative love... not true love...

I'm not powerful or beautiful... I don't expect to find true love... I would be happy to just have a hug...

You spoke a lot about wanting to be loved... but do you want to love? If you really love yourself so much, maybe there isn't enough place for your heart to love someone else...

You have to give, not only take....

In case that you really are all that... beautiful and sexy and love yourself and have many friends and strength (what do you mean by strength? emotional strength?), then perhaps you intimidate people.... maybe you need to turn down your attitude a bit... aim a bit lower... be less demanding.. be kinder...

But from what you write, it sounds like you're an easily intimidated person.. of average looks... without much company... please don't put up a facade... it's easier when you admit what you are.

No offense intended, it's just how it sounded to me. :)
I think most people here are easily intimidated... me too. This is not a place with many strong confident people...

From my position, there is too much confidence in society today... everyone is so confident and thick-skinned that it scares me... so I can't relate to you saying that nobody is confident enough for you (for me, everybody is too confident :(), but if that's so, the answer is easy, tune down your attitude, don't scare people. :)
 
Hi Aimee,

It's very hard being a strong female. Many men are intimidated by it. However, there are also many men who WANT a female like you. It's just a matter of meeting a good man. I personally do NOT believe in soul mates or that there is only ONE person in the world for us. I think that we change over time, there are probably like 20 people on the earth who are great compatible partners for us. We can meet them. Just keep hanging in there.
 
Hmmm...from what you wrote I'll tell ya what men usually think about you.
Yes, you're beautiful, hot and smart, but it doesn't matter, cuz it juz seems as if you were perfect, and while you put up a mask, trying to not depend on anyone(i do the same actually), the men are juz scared, can they live up to such a 'perfect' person? Most men, myself included are not confident enough for that (i'm confident about anything except relationships), you sound a lot like me except for the fact that i'm still a college student so i'm not all powerful and stuff...juz as you said, i'd much rather go with a 'simple' women, not because they're better than you...juz because she'd probably make me feel better, men doesn't want an almighty woman, they juz want a woman they can 'protect' so that she won't feel sad (anyways i'm talking about me, I'm sure a lot of guys juz want to get in the girl's pants), and while you sound great to have as a friend (a good looking, hot and smart female is never bad to be with), you don't show your 'weak spots' and so it's the same as if you're a TV star or whatever, the guy juz looks at you, and think: 1) that ***** is always showing off, trying to be powerful, MEN ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN!!
2)she's so pretty and smart...i'm sure she'd never want anything with me...
As you see, you're way of trying not to get hurt is the cause of you're loneliness in my opinion, juz be a little more acessible, talk to ppl, dun wait for them to talk to you, show them you care about them and juz how important it is for them to be in your life, be gentle and kind(all men like that). Also, although I dun know what your job is, you seem to work juz a little too much, I know you're proud to be what you are, but doesn't the fact that you're not happy, shows you need some changes? Some ppl think, "I'll never change, accept me for what I am **** it" (I want to change i'm juz unable to) that's bull, everyone changes, you may notice it or you may not, but you're changing right now. In the same way as you, my parents didn't give me 'love', at least i never felt it, I'm so afraid of rejection, that I never even said "I like you" to any girl in my entire life, yes, ppl say I'm handsome(i find myself ugly, inferiority complex?), hot and i'm pretty sure i'm smart too....shouldn't I get tons of girls? Yes, it always comes to my mind why, girls would rather go out with stupid ********, that are funny in a stupid kinda way, instead of going out with me...isn't it obvious that, that fella' is stupid, and will probably end up cleaning my house's garbage can?(i may have gone a bit overboard =P ). So you see, it seems women like a 'simple' man also, at least the majority of them. Anyway, here I am giving you advice when I should take me own advice, i guess I'm not one to talk....
 
Are you sure you can handle this strong, smart, and super-awesome hottie, Empathy?
 
lol ;)
You may be completely right, but there's an alternate possibility. Here's my take on it.

I wasn't confident in myself in *anything* in high school. I didn't feel I had looks, smarts, friends, skills, or a good personality. As I grew up, I started to improve in all those areas, and I also started to realize it. In college I knew I had some good skills, and believed my personality was like a unique snowflake. :p Since graduation, I realize more and more that I'm actually the kind of person I've striven to be, in many ways.

However, there's a lot of static in the world, and a lot of irony. The dumbest people seem to think they're the smartest. EVERYONE thinks they are a unique snowflake, even though a lot of us aren't really. Basically, the people with the least perspective on something, think that they have the most perspective on it. That's the scary confidence that I hate.

So, realizing THAT, a smart person's first thought must be...if I think I'm smart, probably I'm just dumb. If I think my personality is amazing, probably it's not. If I think I'm strong, I'm probably not - especially with all those moments of weakness I have.

It takes time and experiences to overcome that, and realize...oh, I'm NOT like those people, I actually am pretty strong, have a pretty darn good personality, etc. That's deserved confidence.

"In case that you really are all that... beautiful and sexy and love yourself and have many friends and strength (what do you mean by strength? emotional strength?), then perhaps you intimidate people.... maybe you need to turn down your attitude a bit... aim a bit lower... be less demanding.. be kinder..."
I've taken that advice, but it's not justified if you're looking someone who *is* actually interested in very high standards, and you meet them.

The feeling I get from Aimeegirl's post is that she's maturely confident. It's possible she's just unaware, but I don't think so, from the tone of her post. Also, I had an awful girlfriend who *was* unaware, so I might recognize some of the signs :p The internet's rife with people like that.
 
Maybe I am old fashioned... I like to think of love as a gentle, mutually supportive, forgiving relationship... not as a competition of confidence and demanding your partner to adhere to strict standards or get lost.
 
mimizu said:
... not as a competition of confidence and demanding your partner to adhere to strict standards or get lost.

The 'standards or get lost' thing is to filter out the crap way before a relationship. I think it should go acquaintance -> friendship -> love/relationship (with infatuation thrown in wherever :p )

We're talking about confidence because it's something we have in common, just like other things people have in common, and it's not a competition.
 
Let me ask you men a question... Do men truly feel threatened by women who may be more successful than them? Could it be that maybe some men would be content except that they are concerned about what the rest of society sees them. At one time - I made more money than my ex husband. He comes from an Italian family with old fashioned values about "where a woman" belongs. He no longer was the bread winner of the family. Also, he always had a certain amount of "control" over me. When I started making more money - that control shifted a bit.

My husband now - he is much older than me. I am a college student and have goals of being quite successful some day. My hopes is that he will be able to retire and enjoy his life while I support the family. This contradicts his old fashioned beleifs. He feels like a failure because he can't take better care of us... He also has this fear that I am not going to need him someday and that I will just leave him..
 
don't panic, genetic engineering will solve everything

men will be able to be pregnant with the aid of some machinery, and will have the maternal instinct, the emphaty and the social bonding and caring ability of the woman

women will be modified to be less emotional and more cold and logical in their decisions

this will go on and work perfectly until after world war 3
(you know: in ww3 we nuke everything, then we have to work and fight with our muscles again, and everything goes back in place as nature designed it, as women can't do heavy work nor fight lions -and men- with an axe..)
 
For the record, I would like to note that this thread's starter is lame and never responded to me. Selfish I guess. Oops :p
 
Empathy what were you thinking, if she took up your offer you wouldn't belong on this forum!

Searching-4-my-Soul (hope you don't mind me calling you SearchingSoul :p ), a thing about men: we define ourselves by our occupation. It's the way we're wired. I'm a student, I'm a mechanic, I'm a CEO, I'm a teacher, etc. Women, on average, define themselves by their relationships: I'm a daughter, I'm a mother. I'm not saying it's this way for everyone, just this is what I've heard about the sexes in general. Men who retired consider themselves less than what they once were, they value themselves less. That's why the male population post 65 years old has the highest suicide rate. What am I if I'm a guy who stays home with the kids while his wife works? Have I really amounted to this little? I'm not offering a defense for this attitude, I'm only hoping to give you a peak inside a man's feelings.

Oh btw, Aimee, consider yourself a fellow victim of the false expectations given to us by Disney!!
 
Hi Frizbit,

I do agree. We women love to TALK TALK TALK because we can get ideas and insights into our relationships with each other and the world. Men are more doers. Women like to talk things out endlessly before we decide. We like to have all facets of information to avoid making mistakes. Men are usually more decisive. Sometimes that's good, sometimes that's bad. It just depends on the situation. That is why we NEED both male and female energy in this world...as leaders to make good decisions for our famlies and our nations.
 
I apologize for bluntness but...




Guys dont like "powerful" women.  And here are the facts:  

1)  Most likely heavily indoctrinated with feminist propaganda.  More likely to assert herself and create problems in the relationship.  A highschool dropout girl has more chances of getting a man in her life.  


2)  The men you are likely to get are the submissive ones who enjoy getting tied up and whipped and beaten by a woman and enjoy it in their sex fantasy land.  These men are submissive and are willing to submit to your authority.  These type of men have low self-esteem (generally speaking) and are likely to have been abused by their mothers or sisters.  They will give you everything you want though.  

Or maybe, you'd be getting the opposite of submissive which is the badboy.  Be careful of these aggressive men and their "charm".  Beware their eye contact and their tone of voice loaded with testosterone...  They could be good in having sex but relationships arent all about sex.  These scum will fresia and leave.  And these men are MOST LIKELY to approach and initiate contact.  As they dont care about getting rejected.  

A "badboy" personality isnt always the ex-con.  He could be a rich upper executive guy...  Of course.  To reach that top position, he is sure to have a big ego and overconfidence... and willing to do unethical means to achieve money.  He is most likely to be cold and calculating... and will abuse you emotionally.  A manipulator.    


3)  Alot of men... generally have been badly so badly burned in their relationships with women that they just wanna say "fresia it".  Then they'd rather prefer their motorcycles, sports cars, beer, prostitutes, and buddies over relationships with women.


4)  To sum it up, it is a blend of the fear of the sexist pro-female laws and horrible past experiences.



Once again, no offense for being quite blunt.  :)


Oh btw, Aimee, consider yourself a fellow victim of the false expectations given to us by Disney!!

fresia disney.
 
Askal,

I really didn't like this message. It came across, in my view, as very bitter and angry. I'm sorry that a woman (or women) have hurt you in the past. Both men and women are equally able to hurt others, though. There are some evil and mean women, just as there are evil and mean men.

I think that only young and/or immature women choose the bad boy types. Or those with very low self-esteem. It's possible to be a strong woman without being a ballbuster.
 

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