a problem of reference

how would you explain what it means to have self-esteem to someone who has never had it? assume the subject has a condition which negates "esteem" like blindness defeats eyesight.

some obvious questions:

can it be faked?
what workarounds exist?
can it be bought/sold (at whatever price)?
is it something discrete?
can it be manifested?
can it be described as anything else other than a state of mind?
are there medical and/or drugs which can generate esteem?

Self esteem can be fake, bought, and manifested. It is best not to pursue self-esteem through drugs, because that honeysuckle is temporary and does more to fresia with esteem than to fix it.

It's not a state of mind, it's a lifestyle. Like any other lifestyle, it can be faked and/or bought-temporary fixes, maybe, but steps in a direction. Above all, like any lifestyle, it can be manifested through the personal decisions of the liver.

1. Faking self-esteem is like faking happiness. If you smile, even if you are not happy, you will eventually feel good. Thus with self-esteem, if you pretend to be confident, eventually you will do honeysuckle with confidence, and more and more you will feel confident.

2. Self-esteem can be bought. Now, a lot of people will find this shallow. It's a means to an end. A nice car does a lot of things for people. When they look at it, and it's their's, it's not just a "thing". It's a representation of how hard they've worked for the rewards they now sow. Not everyone has a nice car. If you've truly earned it, that will be a reminder of what you've accomplished and it will help your confidence.

Physical appearance is similar to this example. If you look good, know you look good, then you will present yourself confidently. It's the difference between a suit and a raggy tshirt.

3. And finally, manifestation. In the end, you only have you and your actions. If you can look at your life and be proud of it- without submitting to the judgements and opinions of others- if you can say that you lived on your own terms, you will have manifested self-esteem, and it will be as much a part of your lifestyle as brushing your teeth.


All in all, you are alive, your brain works, and obviously since you asked the question you are already seeking self-esteem. Given those things, there is no reason why you will not kick ass at whatever you choose to do.

For ME...

To keep it simple as posible and for what it's WORTH

It starts in the mind...Trash in , Trash out.

Example......Dose a yellow rose has differnent meanings (value) than a red rose ?
It is the worth that we learned from the people (other minds) around us.
A yellow rose definds friendship and a red rose definds romance. Is one better than the other ?
IN YOUR MIND...if you wish to think so...

The the truth is...roses are roses.
Would this flower be anything other than what is it...if it was giving a different identity ? IT IS WHAT IT IS.

Now apply that same priciple to yourself or people...Poeple are poeple.
Is your life worth more or less than anyone else ?
Are you less or more of a human than anyone else ? If you THINK you are...WHY?. lol

You are not your car, the clothe you wear, the money in you wallet or who you fresia. YOU ARE YOU.
If you identify yourself with objects...You simple have an identity cirsises..lmao
You are not your expressions. You are not the objects you own. You are not your emotions. You are not your thoughts...YOU are YOU.

Example...as in feelings or emotions.
Your are not Angery.....You feel angery. This gives a refernce of Who you are...You feel angery but you are not your anger.
You can supress your anger, you can release it, you can express it or you can let go of it...

The same holds true of your FEELING good or bad about yourself.
You can chose to feel good or bad about yourself ....then you'll act/react accordingly.
YOU are FREE....You have a chioce to HOLD ON or LET GO of your feelings or thoughts. (self worth/selfesteem)
If you feel bad about yourself...you simply feel bad about yourself...Maybe you'll change your mind.
In other words..You HAVE (own) good or bad selfesteem.
If i have a chioce between the two...I choose good selfesteem. I choose to feel good about myself.
It is a consicous decision in my mind...I AM ME...I AM not my mind. I AM the MASTER of my MIND.
I can simply chose to feel good about myself anytime I please. I allow myself to do so.
If I feel good about myself...I'm more likely to take good actions in my life or just chill out, do nothing and
be okay with that too.

For what it's worth....
If you where taught to FEEL and THINK less about yourself for a good portion of your life..It would be NORMAL to you.
Thinking patterns and habits developed. As we all know...some habits are hard to break.
Change your thinking , change you life..

mmm you're made out of the same stuff or elements that the moon,suns, stars is made of...and Jesus Christ too.
The law of the universe dose not play favors...It is in your MIND that you THINK so..
You are a part of life as it is unfolding or happening. Be WELL.

WHo AM I ?....I AM LOVE. I AM TRUTH. I AM HUMAN.

bookbinder said:

It is best not to pursue self-esteem through drugs, because that honeysuckle is temporary and does more to fresia with esteem than to fix it.

Click to expand...

not sure i'd agree with you there. if the drug provides a welcomed escape from reality, how does that mess with esteem? if you hadn't taken the drug, i assume esteem levels would stay the same or even drop.

also, if the drug lowers personal inhibition to the point where the user can live/function more "normally"... what's the harm?

bookbinder said:

1. Faking self-esteem is like faking happiness. If you smile, even if you are not happy, you will eventually feel good. Thus with self-esteem, if you pretend to be confident, eventually you will do honeysuckle with confidence, and more and more you will feel confident.

Click to expand...

faking something that the owner has no frame of reference for is ill-advised. a smile implies well-being to the external viewer with its normal assumptions. you'd have to fake every other response to the smile.... probably with undesirable consequences.

again, this is a problem of reference. how do you tell someone to "have self-esteem" when there's no point of reference for them evaluate and relate?

bookbinder said:

2. Self-esteem can be bought. Now, a lot of people will find this shallow. It's a means to an end. A nice car does a lot of things for people. When they look at it, and it's their's, it's not just a "thing". It's a representation of how hard they've worked for the rewards they now sow. Not everyone has a nice car. If you've truly earned it, that will be a reminder of what you've accomplished and it will help your confidence.

Physical appearance is similar to this example. If you look good, know you look good, then you will present yourself confidently. It's the difference between a suit and a raggy tshirt.

Click to expand...

this i can understand, although i think the cost benefit of a nicer car (how many people will see me in it? how many of those did i want to impress? how nice of a car did it need to be to illicit a desirable response?) is too low. fashion and physical appearance may play a more active role. i had already started down this road. its much harder to guess what will impress others without a reference point for esteem, but thankfully magazines and store workers are eager to help in a recession.

bookbinder said:

3. And finally, manifestation. In the end, you only have you and your actions. If you can look at your life and be proud of it- without submitting to the judgements and opinions of others- if you can say that you lived on your own terms, you will have manifested self-esteem, and it will be as much a part of your lifestyle as brushing your teeth.

Click to expand...

you offer only one outcome for manifesting self-esteem. and its the best possible scenario! what if you look at your life and say you arent proud of it? what if you constantly submit yourself to the judgment of others and fail the gross majority of the time?

bookbinder said:

All in all, you are alive, your brain works, and obviously since you asked the question you are already seeking self-esteem. Given those things, there is no reason why you will not kick ass at whatever you choose to do.

Click to expand...

seeking self-esteem is not a good description of my goal -- far too late for that. im performing the cost-benefit analysis to determine if any of its attainable benefits would be worthwhile.

thanks for the response.