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So fast things can happen
#1
I hate how fast things happen that just ruin several years of trying not to be alone. I've been working with this for so long and even started to trust people some more, even forcing myself to talk to them. Espesially this girl that I've been somewhat seeing for over a year. She seemed to accept me even though I have my issues with saying wrong things and beeing strange, it wasn't a problem. Things were looking good and I felt I could trust people with my fears and weaknesses.

Now I just found out she's having this crush on another guy, who has a girlfriend, and that she tried to convince him to make out when some of them went to a concert a couple of weeks ago. That was just like like pulling the rug under my feet and slapping my face with a brick. I don't know how she could do this, and she even tried to lie about it. She knows more about me and how I function (or don't) than anyone else alive. So how could she, how can she value the change or sacrifice I've made when she know how hard it was. I know its a sacrifice for the better, but it took so much pain and fear to do it and now I just feel like my initial gutfeeling on telling people how you feel was right. Don't, they'll just hurt you. I hate it. I'm just tangled up in a web of different emotions that keeps me spinning out of control.

We always said to be honest, and she is the first one I've ever been completely honest to. I guess lieing was a way of protecting myself. Why couldn't she just tell me she changed the way she felt. I hate people, but i've become used to talk to her, and I think I need to keep on talking, but how can I. How can I tell someone that doesn't know how it is and expect them to not hurt me when she did, and in the worst way on top of things. Doing all the things she knew I couldn't handle.

I hope this is just an temporary reaction. I don't wanna be separated from everyone again. I don't even have tha horses I've always had around here. It's kinda ironic that the only window I feel I have is a forum for lonely people. I know some of you know the feeling and understand the effort to try and break out f that pattern. I'm grateful that I can get it out of my system somewhere, or I'd go (more) nuts.
Bless you, and thanks for reading this far...

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#2
Hi Hussen

Do you still come to this site? I'm so sorry that this bitch betrayed you. You deserve better. Someday you will have better.

Also it takes a very long time to be able to safely admit that you have mental illness to someone. Which is total bullshit, but it's better not to admit it. People are scared of those who are honest about it.
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