making conversation

being a shy lad, with low self esteem, i find it REALLY hard to make conversation with people.
On forums, or msn, i dont mind, but face-to-face i find the task impossible.

If the person im talking to has similar interests to me, then its easy, but people ive just met, or arent familar with, who dont have similar interests, the conversation is dead before its started.
And, I, under no circumstances, succumb to small talk, or will bother to put up with small talk (its just the way i am )

any thoughts as to how i can crack up a decent convo?

I'm sorry, but I don't think it's possible to talk to someone you don't know and don't share any interest with without using small talk. Maybe if you're a VERY open person, or you have a very good chemistry with someone and it just "clicks". I don't really like small talk either, and it can helt to "breaking the ice", and after that you can start to have a decent conversation. It's not easy, and it doesn't always work, but there's not many alternatives

Small talking can be good, because it's never really wrong. If you practice, you can get better at it, and that should definitely make it easier to start up conversations

Bah, humbug!

sure: be spontaneous and say something totally wacky and random; do your research beforehand (i.e. if you're talking to somebody you met through a friend, ask that friend to tell you a bit about that somebody); try not to expect too much from the conversation, i mean, it's probably not going to change your world; maybe try to steer the conversation towards your interests so that you'll have plenty to say (but don't forget to let the person you're talking to get a word in!); if you're talking to a girl, gossip (this isn't the most honourable thing to do, but hey, most of them love it); maybe make a game of it, like sharing embarassing stories of when you were kids (surprisingly, this leads to many a meaningful convos); when in doubt, don't talk about the weather, but do talk about how awkward things are and that may lead to other avenues of discourse; compliment the person on anything, and you're sure to get a response (if the response is lacking, then throw them a follow up question and/or your personal views on the object of the compliment); don't open up too much right away, and learn how to indirectly respond to a direct question (this does get annoying after a while, so keep it short, and it also creates mystery/generates interest); four words: 'how bout them cowboys' (this probably works better with jocks, for obvious reasons).
remember, the more you practice being quiet, the more you get used to it and the harder it is to break from it. just give some of these a try when you're with a group of people, especially if there's someone you're familiar with in the group, and you'll be pleasantly surprised at how many people respond. oh, and people love talking about themselves, so maybe you could just ask them semi-personal questions.
hope this helps!