What Would You Do If?

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Ask them if they understood what Bob Dylan was talking about.

What would you do if cows began to fly?
 
Buy an enormously large umbrella and a put a clothespin on my nostrils.

What would you do if you found out your neighbors were zombies?
 
Get a chainsaw and...cut their door down and steal their TV (it's pretty nice).

What would you do if you saw a sheep stampede coming at you?
 
Grab a big ass pair of shears and yell, 'bring it on, bitches, momma needs a new sweater'.

What would you do if you woke up one day and found out you were really a Russian double agent?
 
Take cyanide because 1) the American side of me would have to kill the double agent and 2) the Russian side of me would ruined for having been found out to be a double agent.

What would you do if you met the 90's group Hanson?
 
Beat them with whatever a MMM Bop is....

What would you do if you were perpetually dying of thirst and couldn't pee?
 
Bite my fist, rock back and forth and think dry thoughts.

What would you do if you were attacked by a llama?
 
I'd sell Santa merchandise on the black market and make a bundle!

What would you do if you woke up Thumbelina sized?
 
Get sick of those awful infomercials on at 3 in the morning.

What would you do if you had a million dollars?
 
Live it up for once... actually feel like I had a life... Spend a lot of it to get my message across... promote various creative projects... help others... stuff like that.
I know that many would answer "invest and turn it into 2 million dollars," or something like that. I've never been very good at that.

What would you do if you had a million quarters?
 
Learn to crap standing, never go out in public again...
...What would you do if you had the power to switch bodies with someone, about once per month? Your consciousness enters their body, they get yours...
Also works with animals, but it won't increase their intelligence or decrease yours.
 
Try to fix the things in their lives that they can't.
What would you do if time starts running backwards?
 
I would contemplate on if it's running backwards or actually forward.

What would you do if a piano fell through the ceiling, on your bed?
 
I'd sue and get out of my apartment and into a swankier place.

What would you do if the world ran out of mayonaise?
 
Fill old mayonnaise jars with vanilla pudding and walk around eating it by the spoonful

What would you do if mayonnaise were the only condiment left on earth?
 

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