how is the world better because i'm in it?

I'm about to graduate college in May. Last weekend, I had to give a presentation at a student colloquium--I didn't want to, I was guilted into it by a professor, who for some reason unknown even to God thinks I'm brillant. I have always been the only student who's gotten A's in his classes and all the other kids seem to think this is something special as well. The only thing is, I have absolutely no idea what I have done to make him think this. I have always procrastinated all my work, done it the night before, stressed out over it, written down whatever (expletive) comes to to mind, and yet, he gushes over it.

Anyway, I also don't think I'm much of a public speaker. I thought I did a mediocre job at this colloquium, but afterward, this professor comes up to me and says I was amazing, he'd never heard anything like it, he said I was actually holding court over all the other students and professors even. Cut to the next weekend. I have to present a different paper at a different conference. Beforehand, this professor sits next to me and asks to what I attribute my public persona, my ability to command a crowd. I made something up, and he seemed satisfied.

After that first presentation, this professor sent me an e-mail saying he was amazed by my talent, that the world was a better place because I was in it, and that he knew I was going to do something amazing with my life.

He has never hit on me, it's not like that. He has always been a very encouraging teacher, and I think he's honestly impressed by me; I just have no idea why. I don't think I'm anything special, I just write stuff down out of nowhere and teachers seem to like it, that's how it's always been. Everyone thinks I'm "the brain," but I feel like a total fraud.

I'm not fishing for praise here. I honestly don't understand why people seem to think I'm so smart. I feel like it's luck, over and over again--there's no pattern to it, I haven't learned anything, I just write down whatever and it seems to please them. They think this means I know what I'm doing and that I will continue to do brillant (expletive). But now I have this fifty page thesis due and I am f-r-e-a-k-i-n-g out because I have no idea what I'm doing. Not to mention that I have no clue what I'm going do after that--I just want to hide in my room and not do anything or put anything at risk and never take chances and never get beaten down because I couldn't live up to an expectation I never wanted in the first place. How can the world possibly be a better place because I got a few good grades at a college I didn't really care about going to in the first place? What am I supposed to do with my life that's so great? What I am supposed to do with my life at all? What if I never become the person I have already convinced people I am? How long can I keep this up before they finally see me for what I am?

What am I anyway?

You're a champion, haha , be proud of your gift and use it . People credit me as being smart, maybe its the glasses haha, but that doesn't mean anything. Knowledge is power, may sound dorky but its true. Oh, and welcome to the forums, we welcome new members with open arms and open hearts

What did you make up? *doesn't like unfinished stories *

Wow! I wish I could be like you. Instead I actually try to do a good job and always end up doing bad.

I always procrastinate on school projects and exams and end up getting A's anyway. I don't know what it is. I got a 93% mark on my sociology exam after I feel asleep the night before trying to study, and was only able to review the material 2 hours before the exam.....

I wish I was like that. I procrastinate on all my schoolwork and can't get a good mark on it. Even if I try to do it early, I always put it to the last minute. Well at least the hard part. I might do an easy visula part a week before its due then leave the written to the last minute. I try to study for tests, but the only way I canm actually remember the material is if I read it over before the test, which I never have time to do. It sure sucks to be dumb.

Dalo11 said:

I always procrastinate on school projects and exams and end up getting A's anyway. I don't know what it is. I got a 93% mark on my sociology exam after I feel asleep the night before trying to study, and was only able to review the material 2 hours before the exam.....

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BrokenDreams said:

I wish I was like that. I procrastinate on all my schoolwork and can't get a good mark on it. Even if I try to do it early, I always put it to the last minute. Well at least the hard part. I might do an easy visula part a week before its due then leave the written to the last minute. I try to study for tests, but the only way I canm actually remember the material is if I read it over before the test, which I never have time to do. It sure sucks to be dumb.

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there's different kinds of dumb. not being able to get good marks is the least important kind. the fact that you are emotionally sensitive and not a shallow moron indicates to me that you aren't dumb in more the important areas that most people are.

justjames said:

there's different kinds of dumb. not being able to get good marks is the least important kind. the fact that you are emotionally sensitive and not a shallow moron indicates to me that you aren't dumb in more the important areas that most people are.

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I never thought of it in that way. I guess it is true. But all my friends are all high mark students, so I feel like such a moron around them with all my low marks.

i always felt inferior at school because i was really short and puny, and not very attractive and crap at sports, but then i realised that it was irrelevant and just decided to stop caring about it. The people i was genuinely friends with didn't care about it and i didn't care about it, so i just stopped paying any attention to the people who did. admittedly this was the vast majority of the population but that's just one thing you have to come to terms with.

I reckon 80% of anything is just unpleasant noise you should ignore. Television, movies, music, and people. If you concentrate on the other 20% of really good stuff life suddenly seems a hell of lot less depressing. It's easier said than done, but it's the only way that i know.

your friends must be friends with you for some reason... i doubt it has anything to do with academic performance. You should be proud of whatever it is about you that they like, and just stop worrying about the grades because they dont seem to be relevant.

justjames said:

your friends must be friends with you for some reason... i doubt it has anything to do with academic performance. You should be proud of whatever it is about you that they like, and just stop worrying about the grades because they dont seem to be relevant.

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I have no clue why my friends are friends with me. I just met them in a few classes, or I met them through other friends. I don't get why they hang out with me, I cry too much. It annoys everyone. Maybe I'll ask them why they are my friends on Monday. Maybe it'll help me see something good in me. And maybe I could get my friends to help me with schoolwork. The only problem is that I don't have any friends in my two worst classes, where I really need help.
School is so stressful! Somehow I doubt I'll be able to pass my classes espcially math. Ugh, I can't do anything right in math.

Let's face it, the vast majority of humans on this planet are NOT smart. Maybe not stupid, but small-minded, not thinkers outside the box. So the fact that your professor finds you smart--it is because you are. Smart people make the world a better place. Because when there are problems, people will turn to you to ask for help. Whatever job you choose, etc, you will make the world a better place.

I never thought of it in that way. I guess it is true. But all my friends are all high mark students, so I feel like such a moron around them with all my low marks.
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nobody is a moron.. not everybody HAS to be smart at the same thing.. i reckon that you could do something that one of your friends can't do.... or achieve as good as you..
i don't reckon your friends would care bowt your L
O
W marks;
what's more important you yourself and your personality or your marks.? i reckon they'd care more about you..
chin up and try to have faith in yourself and your abilities LOL

kcris: ernest hemingway said 'happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing i know'. maybe he was right?
i like to think that there is no such thing as aboslutely intelligence, and that being deemed intelligent has as much to do with the amount of information one has, as with how one processes and interprets that information. even asimov, one of the smartest dudes according to modern history, had to take his car to a mechanic.
wendi's advice was spot on; just take it day by day, keep doing whatever (expletive) you're doing and you'll be fine. think about it: in a mere few weeks' time, you'll be free to get a job, start your career and start saving up that vacation time in order to tour the irish countryside for a month...actually, don't think about that. just try to focus on the task(s) at hand. and to answer your final question, you're modest.

Have you watched the movie "a little faith?, Christ?

He saw your goodness!