My ridiculous feelings.

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Alex

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I've known this girl for a while who I thought I was in love with...literally for months I've been in a kind of agony over her...crying a lot etc, hating and loving her at the same time, but I'm starting to realize whenever I feel like a relationship might actually happen in reality from something she says bla bla I suddenly lose interest and feel nothing for her. It's insane, I can't believe I could swing so far, how can I possibly trust my feelings when this happens. I think I'm only attracted to what I can't have. This has always been a pattern for me, I've always liked msn relationships which would be all over-the-top and magical and say we are going to get married etc, yet I wouldn't actually want to see them in reality.
 
On line relationship is a bit different than real life relationship.

1.You don't have that physical attachment going. Body contacts.
A person can say the most wrong things but when they touch you..all that honeysuckle gose out the window.
You can sit and listen to a person all day long if you're holding that person without tripping out or noding out.
Sometimes you can sit and hold a person without anyone saying anything.
Sometimes you can hold a person and let her scream or cry to release whatever she wants to release.

mmmm what if she fucken snores ? honeysuckle like that can really fresia up your perception of who a person is..:p
Ya gatta keep it real...man
Not that meeting a person on-line can't progress into something more.

It's also the same as dating. You can date someone for months to years.
Most of the time on dates you'll see a person in thier best behaviors.

It's when you live with a person...beyound the honey moon stage or the lovebie dubbii stage
or the falling out of love stage (not that you won't fall in love again)

When you're in love.....you're kind of blinde.
She might fine you doing stupid honeysuckle at first very very cute and smexy.
A couple of years into it, if you're doing the same act,
she'll wanna cut your balls off or choke you to death.
At the very least she'll have thoughts of poisoning you..lmao

here's some example... (if you have ever been in a long term relationships you will know what I'm talking about)

"geeze honey...if you're horney..just sticking in me anytime you want..it's okay if I'm asleep. I love you sweet heart"

1 year later........
"What the fresia dude ??.I'm fucken sleeping. Get the fresia off of me. Go fucken hug the fucken dog or whatever..FFS"


see...it's when a woman calls you every name in the freaken book (and she really means it at that moment.lol) and
you don't trip out. That's when you know you love her. That's where the magic is.....
When you can let her be herself, when it's not all about you.

so you're saying ...you did'nt like what she wrote on msn?

A relationship helps you build your charactor though...so don't trip.
It's not as if you wake up oneday and say...gee whiz man..I have lots of patience, tolerance and understand.
God sent many angles into my life..lmao
 
I have to say reading over some of the posts on this forum it's pretty surprising to see how many people share feelings exactly like what I experience. I too used to think the feelings were absolutely ridiculous, and I thought there was something wrong with me. Sometimes there are things you want to tell them, but don't know how to tell them or the right way to say it so you keep it to yourself, and then you wind up feeling horrible for days on end because you didn't tell them. A simple thing like wanting to tell a girl how beautiful she is or how much she means to you isn't quite as simple as it sounds. And you just wish all day and night that you wish she knew the things you just feel like you cannot say. Or feeling like a girl may not feel the same way about you as you do about her, when in very many cases she actually does. If you feel like you find yourself in situations like that pretty often then you are not alone, not by a long shot. I know how serious that pain is and I feel for you.
 
Lonesome Crow said:
A couple of years into it, if you're doing the same act,
she'll wanna cut your balls off or choke you to death.

HAhahahaha, AMEN! You are a wise one Crow ;)

sounds like you just like relationships in your head, but are either to afraid or not really ready for the real work and vulnerability that is a real relationship. In online relationships, the person gets to be whatever you want them to be, your imagination gets to run wild, you can make each other promises about the cookies you are going to bake in the cozy little house you are going to share without ever really feeling like you might have to take the steps to provide that. It is a distraction from whatever else is going on in your life, you get be caught up in the emotional rollercoaster of this "romance" and forget your everyday troubles and boredom. As Crow said, real life relationships involve the physical person, including all thier flaws, bowel movements, tempers, and the REST of the real world. Real life couples have to deal with each others other commitment, family, jobs, friends. They have to deal with the awkwardness of meeting, expressing embarrassing feelings, and even just boredom. You have to go through all that before you know if you really love someone, and honestly I have had both kinds of relationships, and yes all agony and bliss is fun, but even more sustaining is the knowledge that you KNOW this person, you trust them, you can have a screaming mimi hissy fit and be absolutely your most ugly and they still would love you. Real life relationships are hard work, they are awkward and they aren't as exciting as imaginary online ones, and no wonder you shy away from them. When this girl shows no interest, you are left alone to create whole worlds and scenarios in your head about who you are and who she is and how you are together, but god forbid spend any time with the actual object of your desire and you get the weebie jeebies. My advice is, spend a lot of time being just friend's with girls, get comfortable being with them in a physical way so that real girls aren't so scary, without the pressure to be romantic. Real relationships are not like what are in your head, but they offer a completely different comfort and happiness.
 
iwasaloverb4thiswar is very right IMO.

I've met someone online in the past as well. I thought maybe, just maybe I had someone I could trust. Now I am considered a 'creepy stalker' from her and others on the forum, but I think about the things she told me about the people she told this to, and I could really live with that since she has seemed to have a 'tag' for anyone she met. This person (who came from this forum) led many on, and lied about having mental illnesses, and used her dad's death to only gain sympathy from others. I have done what I did to only uncover the lies she told to many and myself. I think it was worth it in the end, but I wish I never did what I had to because real people who mean no harm should never make you feel bad or lead you on such a path. Of course in the beginning everything was all good, and I felt the same way you had, but please do not end up in the same spot as myself. Its not worth it if deep down you are feeling more down than better all the time.

Please do no try to let your emotions get the best of you. It really is all in your head, and I can guarantee you that this girl will not be in your life for a long time. Especially with the way you are feeling just with an online relationship. Really read what people have told you here, and you should be o.k. Don't try to get far too deep in your situations. On the internet it is so easy for some to believe things that are not true. If you end up in this trap you will end up feeling more lonelier than ever.

Good luck.
 
Thanks for all your reply's guys...Yea I guess I just don't want the hassle of a real relationship...it's happening right now, I might see this girl tommorow as she invited me to go for some drinks...I've told her I like her...but I dunno if I do in reality...it's weird I finally have an opportunity to end this loneliness I have always felt but don't think I will manage to. Though because it's more real I feel like I don't care about her now I'm sure in a week if I start to think she's not interested or likes someone else I will agonize over her again...thanks iwasaloverb4thiswar but I am actually ok with girls coz I have lots of sisters...so am quite used to them in a way. Unfortunately I have a bad distrustful relationship with my mum which I think colour's my love life...I think that's why I feel love/hate towards girls a lot. I feel like if I allowed myself to be my true self I would probably start shouting at this girl like a maniac.
 
Alex said:
Thanks for all your reply's guys...Yea I guess I just don't want the hassle of a real relationship...it's happening right now, I might see this girl tommorow as she invited me to go for some drinks...I've told her I like her...but I dunno if I do in reality...it's weird I finally have an opportunity to end this loneliness I have always felt but don't think I will manage to. Though because it's more real I feel like I don't care about her now I'm sure in a week if I start to think she's not interested or likes someone else I will agonize over her again...thanks iwasaloverb4thiswar but I am actually ok with girls coz I have lots of sisters...so am quite used to them in a way. Unfortunately I have a bad distrustful relationship with my mum which I think colour's my love life...I think that's why I feel love/hate towards girls a lot. I feel like if I allowed myself to be my true self I would probably start shouting at this girl like a maniac.

lol well I am a big fan of trust your gut, if something is making you feel like hanging out with her is a chore or just not appealing, then maybe you are trying to force yourself into something that isn't right for you. Just be aware that you shouldn't have that feeling with EVERYBODY, and if you do well then start to worry lol.
 

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