Nyktimos said:
Lonesome Crow said:
There's women out there that dosn't cheat....I know so.
Just like there's guys that dosn't cheat. (for the ladies)
To be honest, while I don't think people can accurately judge for themselves why they do half the things they do, I'm willing to accept that there are people who can and will be faithful. My biggest problem is that I'm not convinced I can judge whether I can trust someone myself. Plus, I know from experience that even though I hold it in high regard in a relationship, I tend to have stronger feelings for people who probably can't be trusted. You can't control who you fall for!
Well...my mother hasn't cheated on my dad.(yet)..lol
I was in a relationship with woman for 6 years that didn't cheat
on me and i didn't cheat on her. Infidility wasn't our issue.
For the longest time infidility between Sherry and I wasn't
an issue. 8 years into the relationship was when it happened.
It kind of wacked me out a little bit. (a lot)
Sherry is not like any other women I've loved.
She's a bit way, way out there.
I can't concieve it or makesence of it. It's very baffling for me.
There was infidility on both part during my married.
but we were seperated for more than 6 months and it just looked wasn't going to work.
We however got back together to try to make things work...it didn't.
Yet at the sametime ..My ex-wf and I were able to make peace with each other.
Bascailly she told me she was sorry for hurting me in anyway..
I really needed to hear that from her...It made a big difference
It didn't healed all the wounds..but stopped the infections.
As bad as I felt about my divorce..After we made peace with each other...i didn't
feel like my marriage was a lie..I didn't feel like she didn't love me or didn't tried.
I got sober within a couple of months after that....I felt so much hurted from my ex-wf
but when she made her amends to me as I made mine...I no longer had an excuse to
fresia up my life or used my divorce to get drunk all the fucken time.
With Sherry it was completly different..I thought she was more mature or sane.
I keep thinking or hoping she would at least say something to me.
I know she can't change the past.
But at least give me some type of closesure.
it just feels weird..to have a feeling as if you been living a big fucken lie for the past 12
years of my life..My brain can't process it very well at all..
Espeacilly when she's talking about god, love, forgivness, healing to other people, today.
She's yet to make peace with me...even though i tried to with her.
It took everything out of me to reached out to her...I wasnt perfect in the relationship,
but i wasn't the one with the freaken wreacking ball.
She's also attending AA and is Sober...so she say.
The 12 step program is about honesty, coming clean and making things right. Stop the fucken pains.
Step 8 and 9 tells you striaght up to make amend to people you hurted.
That was her excuse she gave me...she was fucken drunk.
She messed my sponsee..out of all the people..another person I was helping.
She tells everybody she worked her steps, all of it...
I don't know who the fresia she thought she was living with for the past 12 years of her life...(ME)
Through all the fucken chaso...I was there. Yet she's havn't say one word to me.
It's like one big fucken lie...to me. It's been 3 fucken years since she's been sober..so WTF ???
I still attend AA..becuase I know I need help and I can't stay sober alone.
Trust ????
I have to reach out and try to trust another human being...
And it rips everything out of me...to just sit in meetings sometimes.
My sponsors have been trying to help me...He's the only person I can at least try to
trust at the moment.
I have another friend that's in recovery. She tries to help me to open up
and learn to trust again..Learn and be willing to trust another woman again.
I know i can't drink over any of it...I can't..lol
That's what Sherry wants me to do..is fresia up so she can really piont her fucken finger at me.
I'm not her fucken scapgoat...
It made me feel like I was a piece of trash..that was just used , abuse and just thrown away.
Trust in one of the many issues I have been working on.
It's not easy. I also belived it played I big part why i wouldn't
let myself get close as I wanted to be with Jenni.
I'm still working on it today...
Yeah...I'm still a bit confused..becuase I thought I was a good judge of charactor or I picked a
better partner (Sherry). I was dating 5-6 women when I met her. I thought I made a good decision
She's a sweet church girl with a carreer and for the most part was
like that for years..then she fucken snaped or a very nasty side of her showed up.
it's just wierd or baffling. Well...fresia She's a fucken social worker..so it's even more baffling.
Yeah...conciously or subconsiously...subtle. In the back of my mind i think eventaully any women
I want to get involve with will hurt me eventaully...i know I can't think like that...
But if I say that I didnt....I'd be lying to myself.
Yeah...pretty much Jeses...Whatever it is that's blocking or not clicking more me.
I gotta unblock it or make it click...
