feeling guilty

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heretostay

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this is kind of complicated so bare with me. ive never actually sorted out my thoughts on the matter. but here it goes.

Im in a rut. i want to be more financially independent, but my motivation to do so seems to be lacking. My H is the sole bread winner. I go to school and he pays for everything. just to give you an idea- my truck broke down three times in the past six months. it cost over $1600 to fix. my tuition cost over $8,000 for the past year. he spent over $800 taking me to some fancy hotel and spa. and there are, of course, the arduous daily living expenses that come to around a thousand or so a month.

i feel frustrated b/c i feel horribly guilty for not working but at the same time i dont even want to look for a job. im tired of having to start over. we've moved three times for his work and ive had to quit my job each time. but at the same time, id like to feel like a partner in the finances and not just a bystander. im just having a hard time applying for jobs. its kind of hard with my school schedule, too. My commute to school is an hour and a half. i take the bus.

I took out a loan for school in an effort to alleviate the burden on my H. and anyway, id like to feel more like a partner and less like a child. the loan is interest free until i graduate. i feel good about the decision, but i still dont feel motivated to find a job.

i havent worked in about a year. not since we moved to this new state. im trying to find the motivation but im tired. and its scary applying for jobs. i have virtually no references.

i dont really know what im getting at. just venting i guess. i know tomorrow i'll have to confront this issue again. every day that i dont apply for a job i feel guilty. i feel like a slacker and that im just making excuses. blah.
 
There could be a fear behind the reasons why you don't want to apply for jobs, what's holding you back?
'l
You'll get there when your ready, I applied for a new job and I was scared as hell, got it just had to get on with the work, the first hurdle is the worst until you have to do it regardless so it's not until you get there that you'll realise you'll be fine. I had someone to talk to who worked for the same company which eased my fears, I'm doing house cleaning part time and the pay is great, I was scared because I don't clean the house (I used to leave it for another family member, lazy I know), have done in the past but that was like 3 years ago and I was scared that a. I wouldn't finish on time b. I wouldn't do a good enough job c. the clients houses were just to big, and posh d. I was a fraud, I mean I procrastinate when it comes to cleaning. e. I wasn't sure what to clean.

Well my fears have settled as now I'm cleaning the house (the one I live in). I asked my friend what she cleaned and what to do and not to do. One of my clients has a 3 hour clean weekly and that's plenty of time to get things done and I have time left over to spare.

All you need is solutions, write those fears down talk to someone about what each specific fear is, and find ways to tackle it and get solutions.
 
well...if he can afford to take you out all the time your not a burden.
Give yourself a break. You're attending college. Focus on that.
You bring more to the table to your relationship than you think.

Please stop beating up on yourself and let go of the guilt.
Maybe a job might be too much stress or strain on you and your relationship, at the moment.

Yes being finacial independent will bring a feeling of freedom but at what cuase?
 
I agree with Lonesome. Focus on school, then put your education to work once you've graduated.

Good luck!
 
I was wondering the same thing- what's holding me back? what's so scary about it? because it does scare me. i was looking up motivational books today. i think its a self esteem thing, maybe. maybe im afraid of rejection, or looking like an ass. im not sure. maybe its just a pain.

your post was very helpful. i do need to remember this first hurdle is the hardest. i know im doing the best i can- but for some reason i just feel like im making excuses all the time. i just never feel like my efforts are good enough.

im going to try and call a place tomorrow. that makes me sooooo- so nervous. i have very little interpersonal skills and talking to someone else always makes me nervous. im afraid of stumbling over my words (i do that) and looking like an idiot. and im afraid of failing.

samba101 said:
There could be a fear behind the reasons why you don't want to apply for jobs, what's holding you back?
'l
You'll get there when your ready, I applied for a new job and I was scared as hell, got it just had to get on with the work, the first hurdle is the worst until you have to do it regardless so it's not until you get there that you'll realise you'll be fine. I had someone to talk to who worked for the same company which eased my fears, I'm doing house cleaning part time and the pay is great, I was scared because I don't clean the house (I used to leave it for another family member, lazy I know), have done in the past but that was like 3 years ago and I was scared that a. I wouldn't finish on time b. I wouldn't do a good enough job c. the clients houses were just to big, and posh d. I was a fraud, I mean I procrastinate when it comes to cleaning. e. I wasn't sure what to clean.

Well my fears have settled as now I'm cleaning the house (the one I live in). I asked my friend what she cleaned and what to do and not to do. One of my clients has a 3 hour clean weekly and that's plenty of time to get things done and I have time left over to spare.

All you need is solutions, write those fears down talk to someone about what each specific fear is, and find ways to tackle it and get solutions.
 
Lonesome Crow said:
well...if he can afford to take you out all the time your not a burden.
Give yourself a break. You're attending college. Focus on that.
You bring more to the table to your relationship than you think.

Please stop beating up on yourself and let go of the guilt.
Maybe a job might be too much stress or strain on you and your relationship, at the moment.

Yes being finacial independent will bring a feeling of freedom but at what cuase?

well im not looking for anything strenuous. just a part time no brainer job that's close to home. i can only take two classes a semester from now on because of the way my classes transfered from my other university. so i'll have plenty of time. admittedly, even though ive felt guilty the last two semesters, there's no way i could have worked. but starting next semester i will have the time. just lacking the motivation.
 
well i got an interview! whoo-hoo. its at the bookstore on my campus. im really nervous but i guess what will be will be.
 
heretostay said:
well i got an interview! whoo-hoo. its at the bookstore on my campus. im really nervous but i guess what will be will be.

I've always thought a bookstore would be a terrific place to work.

Good luck! :D
 
An over active sense of guilt is one of the indications that someone is depressed. It sort of sounds like that may be what is going on.

Good luck.
 
Guilt is just an emotion...There's nothing wrong with feeling guilt.
She's not emotion-phobic

There's nothing wrong with her.
She simply wants to contribute finacailly to her relationship.
She's going through changes in her life. Changes are not easy for anyone.

Or simple rephase it to " I have a desire to contribute more finacially to my relationship"

Beside...she's stoke for having a job interview.
 
i was feeling pretty depressed for awhile there. i hate not working. im actually starting to feel a lot better already. the position im interviewing for is only a temporary position, but at least its something. i still want to call around to a couple other places, but my anxiety is getting the better of me.
 

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