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Papabear

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I'm in quite an awkward situation right now, I feel like I just need to vent to someone about it to maybe feel better, so I'm gonna post it here.

I know a girl who I can not be with, there are some good reasons for this, none of them I want to talk about, but regardless... we can't be together.

This all started last summer, I've known her for a long time but it was the first time we got to spend a long time together. We spent 4 weeks together almost every day just hangning out. After about 2 we both realized there was attraction to each other, things started happening that probably shouldn't have. After those 4 weeks were over she left town and the weight of reality set in.

We saw each other a few more times since then and every time was so tense, you could still tell the attraction was there from both sides. Well she's back in town for another month. A few nights ago after a party her and I ended up sharing a couch for the night and it ended with her wrapped up in my arms holding me and holding my hands.

The problem is that this isn't going anywhere, but it feels like it should be, but it never will be... I don't know if I feel the way I do because of the "forbidden fruit" factor or because of my legitimate feelings but I promise that they've seemed a lot more legitimate than any other romantic feelings that I've had in a long long time.

It really sucks, but not in a way that is tearing me up or anything, it's just one of those things that's like "man, this really sucks" but it's so real that we can't be together that i don't let it really hurt me, it just sorta bums me out now and then.

Sorry, I just wanted to share and maybe get some input on this situation. (not advice, just a conversation.)
 
If you can't have her, then you probably shouldn't let yourself do things with her. It will likely end up only hurting more.

I was in a situation once with an off-limits person but we really loved each other and had a strong attraction for each other and we tried to hang out as "just friends" would hang out, but it just couldn't happen. Things got frisky and that made us like each other even more. It ended up being as it was when it began- we couldnt be with each other, but it sure hurt a lot more since we had encouraged the feelings physically and the more you dwell on it the more it will hurt.

It's a tough situation but you either wait it out in case one day she isn't off limits, or you move on.
 
Papabear said:
It really sucks, but not in a way that is tearing me up or anything, it's just one of those things that's like "man, this really sucks" but it's so real that we can't be together that i don't let it really hurt me, it just sorta bums me out now and then.

If she's got a boyfriend, I think you should lay off. Otherwise, if she's in town for a while, I'd personally see what I could do if I was you.

That's mainly because you sound to be really handling it healthy considering it's not tearing you up. I'd make some good memories if possible- with your attitude it might make you happy to have them and you'll still cope when she leaves.

But once again- disregard all that if she's got a boyfriend. Not fair to him.
 
Jack Kerouac said:
Papabear said:
It really sucks, but not in a way that is tearing me up or anything, it's just one of those things that's like "man, this really sucks" but it's so real that we can't be together that i don't let it really hurt me, it just sorta bums me out now and then.

If she's got a boyfriend, I think you should lay off. Otherwise, if she's in town for a while, I'd personally see what I could do if I was you.

That's mainly because you sound to be really handling it healthy considering it's not tearing you up. I'd make some good memories if possible- with your attitude it might make you happy to have them and you'll still cope when she leaves.

But once again- disregard all that if she's got a boyfriend. Not fair to him.

Nah, she doesn't have a boyfriend, or a husband, nor am I with anyone. Her brother is my best friend and it's tangled up in that... hell... he doesn't even care...
 
can i ask questions?

Why dose it have to go anywhere?
If you're spending time with her at the moment then spend it with her in the moment.

Why is she forbidden fruit or what's wrong with the relationship for you to term it as forbidden?
 
Lonesome Crow said:
can i ask questions?

Why dose it have to go anywhere?
If you're spending time with her at the moment then spend it with her in the moment.

Why is she forbidden fruit or what's wrong with the relationship for you to term it as forbidden?

She doesn't live here and has obligations back home.

I try, it's nice.

That's a long story with things that are private to both her and I so it's something I'd rather not discuss.
 
Papabear said:
Lonesome Crow said:
can i ask questions?

Why dose it have to go anywhere?
If you're spending time with her at the moment then spend it with her in the moment.

Why is she forbidden fruit or what's wrong with the relationship for you to term it as forbidden?

She doesn't live here and has obligations back home.

I try, it's nice.

That's a long story with things that are private to both her and I so it's something I'd rather not discuss.

Oh...okay

For me ..when it's forbidden, it's usually more romantic or firery:p

I think that's why some women date me.
A combination of the badboy thing plus they're not suppost to go
out with guys like me. Retaliation sort of thing against thier parents
and friends. She make me her obligations :p

Yeah...long distance relationship are tough.
 
It's hard to get a feel for the situation with critical facts omitted. I'm not sure what more to say without that information other than to ask you, is what you two could possibly have together not worth an attempt regardless of those other obligations, whatever they may be?

Everyone has different goals/priorities in life and tolerances for dealing with the unknown. But I can't think of many things that I would let stand between me and the woman I love. If she cares as much as I do, then I'd do everything in my power to bring us together. Most other concerns in life would become secondary to evolving the relationship.
 
Well last night I asked her why she thought the things that have kept happening have, she said she didn't know but then she ended up sleeping on me with her arm around me holding my hand again that night. So tonight we talked about it a bit and neither of us are really sure what to think of the situation... since we can't be together... she said that she just tries not to think about it because of the complications and that it never bothers her when it happens so she's fine with not sorting it out for now, since we can't be together anyways.

I feel there is probably a good time for things and that maybe right now just isn't it... to the point that it's so strongly impossible that it's too hard to get really involved with anything more than what we've kept it at...maybe later if some things change and some don't that it would be more appropriate.

To add, there's more to it than just being strung along, we've already talked about that one...
 
Well I know that this is kind of an old post but I just felt like updating it today. We've continued talking and have pretty much got everything sorted out well. Here's an excerpt from about 2 weeks ago.

Me: (For the first time with her) I love you...
Her: Are you sure?
Me: Completely and unquestionably.
Her: Well good because I love you too.
Me: Are you sure?
Her: Completely and unquestionably.

We've got things sorted out as much as our situation allows and have decided that there will definitely be a good time down the road to pursue this to the end.

Just thought I'd update. =D
 
Papabear said:
We've got things sorted out as much as our situation allows and have decided that there will definitely be a good time down the road to pursue this to the end.

Just thought I'd update. =D

I'd say that that's a good sign. :)
 

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