i hug my pillows and cry continuously rotateing them looking for a dry spot to cry on ,flipping them over changeing out wth a new pillow ,no joke its why i keep 8 pillows on my bed,you would think i would get a tissue box but the pillows just grabing them and crying into them as hard as possiable lets alot out when you cant take anymore.our body and mind have built in fail safes this way i think its a preety normal human reaction to being overwhelmed .we must get some out if we are to remain sane. but sometimes my chest hurts and my arms ache ,my hands feel numb and i feel like i cant catch my breath and start haveing problems breathng i mean literally gasping for breath.if i cry during these times it will cause me to totally stop breathing and pass out.when its really ad passing out from being unable to breath is the only relief i can get from my mind takeing over with hellish thoughts.
i always wonder if i will wake up each time as i start to pass out am very panicked but in last few minutes its good to be so exhausted i know finally i will get some needed sleep,just scared oneday the breathing wont kick back in once i pass out.
