Why is it so hard???

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maggiemae

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Hi everyone.

Why do I find it so hard to do the things that "normal" people take for granted.

Ive been invited to a party tonight, and as I dont get many invitations, I decided I am going to make the effort and go. But its now started off a battle in mind head whereby I know I should go in an effort to try and get over my social-phobia and try and make friends and just get out there and have some sort of a life. But Im scared and I mean, really sh*t scared. A major part of me just wants to chicken out so I dont have to deal with the fear and the anxiety. Im going to need to get drunk before I even get there just to cope.

Why cant I just do this without all this sh*t. People go to parties all the time.....why cant I just do this.

Ive noticed that over the last 6 months or so Ive become more reclusive and more introverted than I ever have been before and if I dont do something about it Im going to be lonely forever. Why am I such a f*ck up?

Some moral support would be greatly appreciated guys

Thanks
 
Well, as for parties, I never ever ever ever go. I hate crowds of loud drunken people...hell, I hate crowds of sober people. It's just way too impersonal. And you're not wierd because you don't want to go to a party, that's just your personal preferences.
 
I know exactly how you feel. It's tough for me just to go to work and I know the people there!

If you don't want to go, you could just say you're doing it because you don't want to drink.
 
Getting out of our comfortzone is uncomfortiable.
The more we isolate and disconnect, the more we get comfortiable with that.

If you don't use it, you lose it.
It just takes practice and exposure just like any else.
Please don't trip out or start beating up yourself..
It'll only drive you into more depression and further your isolations.

After isolating myself for almost a year. I had a hard time inneracting with people.
Even when I went back to work, which I already knew my co-workers for decade.
However my mind and body went into a withdraw. I had the shakes and sweat.
I had to go outside once or twice an hour just so I can be alone. Going work as
a major headache and I couldn't focus worth a darn.

I went back to my support group. I had terrible shakes at first.
But I made a commitment to myself that I would at least attend my meetings everyday, noi matter what.
I still sit in the conner in some meetings...Gradually people started making small talk with me.
Graually I started sharing in meetings...Graually I talked more and more.
Graually they wanna tell me to STFU..lmao
Now I have people calling ,visting me almost everyday..graudlly I wanna tell them to STUF.

Graually I started flirting with the women (I mean HUSSY) in the office.:p

It didn't happened over nite....It started by me tanking baby steps..
I had to forced myself to go outside of my house at least 15-mins per/day.lol
It took me 2 weeks to be able to make it to a local park.
I had to force myself to sit and stay a the park for a couple of hours...

Well..I started to exercise again...so I just took a couple of miles walks around
that park evryday. The closest I'd let people near me is 20 feet away from me...lmao
Now..everytime I see this one hot babe, she'll smile at me...closer and closer.lol

Sometimes I'll just go bike riding everyday...It gives me exposure to people.
Plus I stopped worrying about what people thought about me...
You know how it is...Riding a bike around town give you a feeling of being a drage or losser in society...
The stupid social status crap that gives us a sense of being less than...I had to change my thinking about that.
Riding my bike around town re establish my self-worth by me practicing not to worry about what others think...
I'm seriouse man...sometimes a hwat babe will roll up in a Beamer or sports cars..and I'll feel like a total fucken retard...lmao
It was self-esteem building...Actaully my neighbors or strangers would wave and say hello to me sometimes, now.
And screw that **** HUSSY in de Beamer..lol

I use to roll up to meetings on my bike..when others were driving freaken BMW and Mercedies.
I don't give a fcuk...lmao Pople can't park their cars in a meeting hall...lol

I remember the first time I went to Walmart...lmao
Then I made myself go hang out at the mall.
Then I had to go work in Mexico...There's millions of people..lmao
Then I had dinner and lunch with people

Please..don't take it so seriously...Give yourself a break.
I had to laugh at myself going through some of the honeysuckle I went through.
I still laugh at myself today....It's part of the healing process.


As I said...it's just like anything else it just takes time and exposure.
I've been playing my guitar for a very long time.
If I don't practice..I get very, very rusty and can't play worth a crap:p

I had to keep it simple like that...but it's true.

Do you have something that your very good at...but you still have to practice at it?
Look at your social skills in the same light..not some kind of sickness or being wierd.
 
I don't go to parties because I hate drunk people. I find them disgusting, really...I think part of this is because my dad and his wife were alcoholics for a while. Not abusive ones, but definitely alcoholics. It was enraging. These feelings were exacerbated when I went to work for a guy who shared my hatred of drunks; together we would endlessly make fun of them, including the other members of our work crew in our jibes; we would talk (half-jokingly) about how awesome it would be to firebomb every bar for a 40 mile radius, right at happy hour. Solve half the country's problem, we'd say.

Regardless of where it came from, I accept it: I hate drunks. I will always hate drunks. I do not go to parties. Drink alone if you're gonna do that honeysuckle, I say. Drink alone and stay at home; don't make it other people's problem.

If you're the same, then don't go. I find it becomes less of an awkward thing and actually somewhat accepted even among partier friends if we're loud about it. Don't be timid. Something I like to tell people is to 'Talk Loud, Talk Proud'. Those who matter will accept that it's a part of who you are. My friends know I'm opinionated and solid in my stance, even if it is different from what they think, and they know if they try to rub their lifestyle in my face, they're getting a piece of my mind. A couple of them actually shrink back a bit and you can tell they feel ashamed; sometimes you have to take the bull by the horns, and when you do, you demonstrate your independence and gain some respect. You're not shyly skirting the subject; you're making a rebuttal.

To simply shrug and say "Oh, I dont think I wanna go..." will probably make them look at you as a stick in the mud or someone boring. But if you hold your head up, look 'em in the eye, and say "fresia that, why would I wanna be around a bunch of worthless fuckin' drunks? That sounds fuckin' miserable. I'd rather chop a foot off.", I think they look at it a bit differently. I kid you not, I've thrown that exact line word-for-word at people and even though they might retort with something, you've at least put yourself on even ground to their "oh cmon, its just a party, everyone does it" stance. You're not calling -them- worthless directly, but you're suggesting in a loud way that the party lifestyle is exactly what it is: Worthless; and you are above it. Don't be an ass, but don't step back. They'll stop inviting you to the parties, but hopefully they'll invite you to other things.

In other words, turn your anxiety in to a firm belief against the cause of it.

Aside from that, you mention something I myself dealt with earlier this year: A sudden rise in introversion. For about 4 months I suddenly found myself wanting to hide, and I did. I wouldn't answer the door, I avoided socializing, basically went to work, came home, ate and slept. It was bad; worst I'd been in at least 2 years. I found the cure was to force myself outside bit by bit and regain my comfortability that I'd developed prior. But, I'm not sure of your situation; I had other venues of being around people besides parties.
 
Oh yeah...there's a chat room..here's the link

http://xat.com/chat/room


I also used that as a bridge to help me inneract with people..
I practiced tell'in Brian to STUF 10 times per chat :p
It helped me alot..it really, really did..lmao
Then I transfer that into real life....
 
Thanks for your words of support and advice guys.

Ive decided to give it a go and brave this party, for a little while. I think Lonesome Crow is right, I need to get out of my comfort zone.

Brian, I dont like drunk people either and probably at any other time in my life I would say exactly the same as you but at this point in time I feel that I cant afford to give in to this large part of me that just wants to hide away and disconnect from the rest of the world. I dont particularly like the rest of the world but I feel like Im on a very slippery slope right now and unless I dig deep and find a bit of courage to overcome these dark feelings inside me that just want to consume and eat me up, I'll be lost forever.

Sorry if Im sounding over dramatic here, after all it is just some stupid party but Im deeply concerned about myself right now. Ive even started finding it hard to communicate and socialise with my own family and find myself putting off doing stuff with my best mate when shes the one person in the world who I feel most comfortable with.

Thanks for your support, its really great to know theres people out there who really get where Im coming from
 
It is great that you are going. I understand your discomfort in doing so. That is part of why it is so great that you are going. I hope it surprises you and you end up enjoying yourself.
 
ok, this is what you need to do, to get out of this stronger.

you need to become emotionally destroyed from the people around you, so you can build yourself back up. you need to stumble into pile of honeysuckle after pile of honeysuckle, never having a chance to breath. Your friends will use you and throw u away when you are deemed worthless.you will not be able to keep friends, because you push them away before they can fresia you over. You need to be put on anti depressant after anti depressant with no gratification. you have to see psychiatrists and therapists that are just paid to listen and explain the obvious. you will reject society and humanity. you will grow to hate the world around you. A bitter hatred like you were shuned from society. you need to have failed marriage after failed marriage. Lose job. being forced to watch my 7 year old child have to take 3 different types of medication because of his mother. You need to have your entire house robbed, and everything that you own dissappear. Material poccessions should have no effect on you anymore. you will feel empty.. unattached

You will then learn that everything that you had gone through is irrelevant. you will learn that you just simply made the mistake of believing that this reality is truth when in fact it is an illusion. You will learn that everything that you have been told is a lie. Religion is a lie, government is a lie, humanity is a lie. You will learn that parents arent always right, and are infact wrong lots of the time. you will gain an understanding of human concept. Not allowing yourself to become emotionally attached to situations.observing more of what is around you. gaining a sense of spirituality. understand that everything is vibrations. understand that we are frequency emitting generators that might infact influence others near by. The feelings that you are feeling could be from the negativity from the people around you. learn that their drama is petty and redundant. gain a love for nature. take a new stance on purpose. take every effort that you need to do in order to be happy. happiness is your number 1 priority. Centering yourself. Meditation, eating healthy, takeing care of yourself. Enjoying life.
 

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