1isalonelynumber
New member
Hey everyone,
I made a short intro in the intro thread, I found this forum a few days ago. I'm usually long winded, I wanna kinda stray from making a huge book-length bio post and cut to the chase.
I'm in my 30s, a guy, from Calif, from divorced parents when I was a kid. I was hopelessly dateless in high school and hopelessly shy. My mom died a few years ago, was really close to her. My dad was never close to me or bonded to me.
So as a result of my mom becoming ill, my extended family distanced themselves from the both of us, and I kinda lost what little faith I had heretofore in all people and in love.
So after that I got a job, and it become my support system, emotionally, developed a lot of close friends and contacts. So due to the economy recently I lost that job, but as a result of that became super close to this older lady around my mom's age, and she really took me into her family emotionally.
Thing is recently, I dunno, I've been pushing her away I'm guessing due to severe depression. I have no reason why, and as such it has gotten deeper and deeper. I didn't take her phone calls and whatever. She also has another platonic guy friend my age, and he kinda attacked me for it, which drove me deeper in the depression and made me angry because he has been bad to her.
And, so like I tried to contact her and she ignored me, and then she tried to call/write me, and I ignored her, and so basically what it boils down to is that my very best friend in the whole world is slipping away from me, and I'm pushing her away, and I dunno why. I dunno if it's the other guy and I"m afraid of having my heart broken or what it is.
And, I find I'm in this huge depression that is unexplainable, just fatigue and wanting to isolate from people, triggered by my father who is distant from me.
And, so like I'm a hapless single dude who has never dated or anything, and I'm feeling really really attached to this woman, but not like THAT, but in a kind of nether world between the friendzone and hopelessly falling in love.
And now I'm in this place where we used to call every day at all hours of the day, and my heart would go pitter patter no matter what.
And the thing is, she is the best thing to ever happen to me, and if I lose her, I lose it all basically. And, now it's been over a month since we've talked and even though it didn't start out as my fault, I'm avoiding her now, and each day she slips away, and I dunno why. I feel like I've failed her so much, and I stay away for fear of her rejecting me or thinking I'm just some loser flake.
So yeah, just wondering if anybody else knows what I"m talking about or comes from the land of dating ambiguity like me, haha. I'm like totally inexperienced, but as friends we've been "seeing each other" for over 3 years, and we're just buddies, but yet there's this inexplicable drama between us that flares it's ugly head as if she's my gf. It's like something so obvious except to us, haha. And, then there's the other guy, and I'm so confused.
So yeah, anybody else? lol I feel like I'm losing a family member here, and I dunno what to do about it or where to go from here, and odd pop songs by Fiona Apple and Gloria Estefan are becoming scarily relevant, lol.
So yeah, pathetically yours,
Lonely Number
I made a short intro in the intro thread, I found this forum a few days ago. I'm usually long winded, I wanna kinda stray from making a huge book-length bio post and cut to the chase.
I'm in my 30s, a guy, from Calif, from divorced parents when I was a kid. I was hopelessly dateless in high school and hopelessly shy. My mom died a few years ago, was really close to her. My dad was never close to me or bonded to me.
So as a result of my mom becoming ill, my extended family distanced themselves from the both of us, and I kinda lost what little faith I had heretofore in all people and in love.
So after that I got a job, and it become my support system, emotionally, developed a lot of close friends and contacts. So due to the economy recently I lost that job, but as a result of that became super close to this older lady around my mom's age, and she really took me into her family emotionally.
Thing is recently, I dunno, I've been pushing her away I'm guessing due to severe depression. I have no reason why, and as such it has gotten deeper and deeper. I didn't take her phone calls and whatever. She also has another platonic guy friend my age, and he kinda attacked me for it, which drove me deeper in the depression and made me angry because he has been bad to her.
And, so like I tried to contact her and she ignored me, and then she tried to call/write me, and I ignored her, and so basically what it boils down to is that my very best friend in the whole world is slipping away from me, and I'm pushing her away, and I dunno why. I dunno if it's the other guy and I"m afraid of having my heart broken or what it is.
And, I find I'm in this huge depression that is unexplainable, just fatigue and wanting to isolate from people, triggered by my father who is distant from me.
And, so like I'm a hapless single dude who has never dated or anything, and I'm feeling really really attached to this woman, but not like THAT, but in a kind of nether world between the friendzone and hopelessly falling in love.
And now I'm in this place where we used to call every day at all hours of the day, and my heart would go pitter patter no matter what.
And the thing is, she is the best thing to ever happen to me, and if I lose her, I lose it all basically. And, now it's been over a month since we've talked and even though it didn't start out as my fault, I'm avoiding her now, and each day she slips away, and I dunno why. I feel like I've failed her so much, and I stay away for fear of her rejecting me or thinking I'm just some loser flake.
So yeah, just wondering if anybody else knows what I"m talking about or comes from the land of dating ambiguity like me, haha. I'm like totally inexperienced, but as friends we've been "seeing each other" for over 3 years, and we're just buddies, but yet there's this inexplicable drama between us that flares it's ugly head as if she's my gf. It's like something so obvious except to us, haha. And, then there's the other guy, and I'm so confused.
So yeah, anybody else? lol I feel like I'm losing a family member here, and I dunno what to do about it or where to go from here, and odd pop songs by Fiona Apple and Gloria Estefan are becoming scarily relevant, lol.
So yeah, pathetically yours,
Lonely Number