Taking the plunge

Hi everyone,

It has taken me a long time to overcome my pride and admit (to myself) that I am very, very lonely. In that time I've read this forum and wished I could bring myself to open up and join in, so here I am now.

My name's Michael, I'm 34 and live in Scotland.

About 4 years ago I became ill and went into hospital for a few weeks, which was just the space my wife needed to break up with me. Then I lost my job I've been living alone since then, except when my kids come to stay. The truth is my 2 kids are the only friends I really have. I regularly go days without even opening my mouth to speak to another human being. Then I go to bed for a few hours and do the same the next day.

For the first 42 months (!) after we split up I Just stayed in and got fatter and fatter and more depressed. About 6 months ago I made a real effort to turn it around- I lost the extra weight, started exercising again and made a hard decision to stop hanging on to the past and wishing things could go back how they were.

I've always been a bit shy and a bit awkward but never found it too hard to make friends- I even used to find it very easy to find girlfriends.

Now though I have nowhere to start: No work Colleagues, no friends, no social contact of any kind.... I have read this board and envied the people on here for having the contact with each other that you do. But I couldn't admit to myself that I was that lonely and actually post a message myself

Earlier tonight I found myself Seriously questioning whether there was any place for me in the world- Even now, when I am desperate for help, advice and company I can't believe that I will even be welcome on a forum for lonely people- That's how worthless I feel right now.

I have been using the internet for 10 years and have never once posted on any of the message boards I read, put a myspace profile up or put up a dating advert "For a laugh". In short, I have become almost invisible.

Tonight I'm crossing my Rubicon- I can't go on like this and I need to tell the world that I am here.

So, here I am- I'm throwing my pride aside and asking for someone, anyone, just to say hello to me. That's all. Then I don't know what happens. I really don't but things have to change.

Sorry if I've rambled on a bit too much but I have so much inside me and I've not had anyone to tell it to for too long a time. I find it quite hard to open up when I'm typing- This has already taken me an hour of writing this and then deleting it.

Now I'm about to take the plunge and press send...

Michael

Hello! ^^

Glad to see that you took the step and decided to register. You're definitely welcome here. Everyone's welcome! There's great people here to talk to, some who are in the same boat as you. You're not alone

It took me a while before I worked myself up to posting here too. I was lurking in this forum for a long time before I registered. Don't take joining here as a hit to your pride or ego. Be proud of yourself for reaching out to others. I actually think we are all really brave- not only to be willing to acknowledge that we're lonely, but also to be willing to try to find other people like ourselves and make connections with them- that's tough to do.

I'm glad you're here. Please keep posting.

Thanks for that guys. I have to admit that I was waiting nervously to see if I got any response. I don't know if I would have laughed or cried about being left lonely in here . Thanks again.

I'm looking forward to joining in here, I wish I'd done this a while ago.

Michael