Father called me fat and ugly

For the past two years, I have been enrolled in high school and college, am a varsity athlete, and a national honor society student. I am not trying to be a snob, but that is only the iceberg of all of my hard work. I've achieved scholarships, national awards and recognitions.

On Sunday, I went to lunch with my dad. I hadn't seen him in about a year. I even brought along my high school transcript so I could show him how well I was doing. All I wanted to do is share these successes with my father. I wanted him to be proud of me.

When I first stepped into the restaraunt, he had already been seated. When he looked up and saw me, he yelled out, "Wow! You got so FAT!" I was so embarrassed. I could feel eyes from everyone in the restaraunt, focusing on me. Despite the urge to turn around and leave, I sat down. He carried on saying, "God, you got so fat. What happened?" I've been going to the gym four-six times a week at 24 hour fitness. I kept that to myself, though.

My dad is schizophrenic and bi-polar and his symptoms have only become more severe. I don't think these excuses his behavior towards me, but it may help to explain it. So, basically, the rest of the lunch date was mostly interrogating me because he didn't believe that I was his daughter. If you are familiar with schizophrenia, then you'll know why he did this.

I tried to show him my driver's license and he said, "That girl looks nothing like you. She is prettier." I swiped my license from him, and asked for the check. Crushed, I stayed silent until it was time to go.

This incident has caused me to relaspe into my bulimia. I have been bulimic for 6, almost 7, years. Before this relaspe, I was going on 4 months of being purge and starvation free. My self-esteem is so deflated right now, I want to break up with my boyfriend of almost 2 years. Only he knows about my battle with my eating disorders and self-esteem. I feel terrible that I am emotionally dependent upon him. I think it is a heavy burden for him to carry and I don't want him to anymore. I love him so much, but I just feel like I am preventing him from someone who can make him happier and that is normal.

Beyond that, I am becoming suicidal. I lost my mother due to an accidental drug overdose on Thanksgiving, November 22nd, 2007, and I haven't gotten over it. It's killing me inside and I feel so alone. My grandmother has been my guardian, and she works all of the time. I worry about her because I know my mom's death has affected her, too. She keeps telling me that if I stay busy, that I will be okay. I have been, and it's not helping.

This is my senior year of high school and I'm losing the motivation to try anymore. Getting up to get ready for school in the morning seems like a daunting task. My speech is hardly coherent because I can't formulate my thoughts very well.

I just don't know what to do. I feel so trapped and alone. I am scared of being loved, because I don't want to trust and be hurt. I'm so tired of being hurt and disappointed.

I know this might sound harsh, but for your own survival, you should consider cutting out all of the "toxic" things in your life, including your father, until such a time that you are more capable of handling it. I understand he has an illness. However, his illness is the reason he deals with you in such a way, correct? Consider not meeting him in person until you're in a better place in your life. Try to find a support group if you can. I wish you luck. (((((hugs)))))

Welcome to the forum.

All I can say is that if you are actually fat, you can't be really be surprised that a mentally ill patient who has no social inhibitions said his mind.

EveWasFramed said:

I know this might sound harsh, but for your own survival, you should consider cutting out all of the "toxic" things in your life, including your father, until such a time that you are more capable of handling it. I understand he has an illness. However, his illness is the reason he deals with you in such a way, correct? Consider not meeting him in person until you're in a better place in your life. Try to find a support group if you can. I wish you luck. (((((hugs)))))

Welcome to the forum.

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Thank you.

I am cutting him out of my life and not for this little incident alone. Having lost my mother, I wanted turn to another parent. Since he missed out on most of my life (when his illness wasn't as predominant), I have no idea what I was thinking. Guess I wasn't.

The-One said:

All I can say is that if you are actually fat, you can't be really be surprised that a mentally ill patient who has no social inhibitions said his mind.

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Yeah, you're right.

shells said:

The-One said:

All I can say is that if you are actually fat, you can't be really be surprised that a mentally ill patient who has no social inhibitions said his mind.

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Yeah, you're right.

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It still doesn't mean you can't be upset about it, but he most probably didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I would just try to forget about it.

Anyway, hi and welcome

Just try not to let it make you revert to those habits. As an EMT I can tell you that bulimia causes complicated and sometimes irreversible damage to the esophagus as well as gross malnutrition. I hauled a guy last week for esophageal surgery to try and repair some of the damage (though his esophageal damage was from drinking, it's the same concept), and it's an expensive and painful world to be in. Even with morphine the trip was constant pain for him, and he was barely able to speak.

You are taking very commendable steps toward fitness and weight loss through exercise. Most people can't even commit to that. And it is a commitment; with the sedentary lifestyle and sub-par food most people experience in the modern world, we have to stay on top of actively pursuing our exercise. Please stick with that and try to include more fruits and vegetables in your diet instead of purging. You will love the result so much more. The most important thing you could do, though, is avoid processed foods containing things like High Fructose Corn Syrup. That's one of the worst things for weight problems. And instead of eating, say, a hamburger, buy a package of turkey burgers and make them at home, pouring the fat off. I think they taste better anyway. Don't forget the fresh tomatoes and onions.

And if you need a stress reliever to distract you from these problems, I highly recommend cycling. I find it enervating, exciting, and of course it's healthy. Mountain biking is my two-wheeled sport of choice, and you'd probably be surprised how close by you can find trails, even in more urban areas. I just started this year, and several times I've left problems of depression and anxiety behind by hitting the trail.

Please don't let the ravings of a psych patient bring back problems you've almost put in the ground.


--Brian

Punisher said:

It still doesn't mean you can't be upset about it, but he most probably didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I would just try to forget about it.

Anyway, hi and welcome

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lol, Hi, and thank you.

He doesn't know about my struggle with this eating disorder, and he probably wouldn't be able to digest the information if I told him.

It's just frustrating that a simple comment can throw me off track. I am more angry with myself for allowing it to.

Brian said:

Just try not to let it make you revert to those habits. As an EMT I can tell you that bulimia causes irreversible damage to the esophagus as well as gross malnutrition. I hauled a guy last week for esophageal surgery to try and repair some of the damage (though his esophageal damage was from drinking, it's the same concept), and it's an expensive and painful world to be in. Even with morphine the trip was constant pain for him, and he was barely able to speak.

You were taking very commendable steps toward fitness and weight loss through exercise. Most people can't even commit to that. Please stick with that and try to include more fruits and vegetables in your diet instead of purging. You will love the result so much more. The most important thing you could do, though, is avoid processed foods containing things like High Fructose Corn Syrup. That's one of the worst things for weight problems. And instead of eating, say, a hamburger, buy a package of turkey burgers and make them at home, pouring the fat off. I think they taste better anyway.

Please don't let the ravings of a psych patient bring back problems you've almost put in the ground.


--Brian

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Thank you, Brian, for recognizing that I am trying to do something about this illness. It helps a lot to get that bit of encouragement.

(K, gross stuff. To avoid, just don't read this paragraph)

Acid reflux and severe chest pains is what scared me to work towards a healthier lifestyle. My stomach stopped digesting foods (it would just regurgitate back up) so I put myself on a liquid diet and took liquid supplements. Over-the-counter medication doesn't alleviate the pain. Eating greasy fast-food isn't something I have the leisure of doing anymore, as it guarantees heartburn. The dental bills are absolutely heinous. However! You probably already know all of this. Just wanted to share my experiences and agree that yes, it is very expensive.

Without my boyfriend's support, I also think the damage would have been much more severe. He has been very understanding, helpful, and pushed down barriers that I never could be broken. I just feel like me stepping backwards is going to make me lose him. I often believe he would be happier without that burden of having an eating disordered girlfriend.

(Sorry for the rambling.)

I am sorry that your meeting was so disappointing. You are doing great with your academics and other activities. I can understand you wanting to share these things with your father and how painful his reactions must be. Still your father has problems so i hope you don't let his actions affect you too much, as difficult as that is.

My brother is a schizophrenic. He was full of tales about beating up George Washington, playing chess with Richard Nixon and various adventures. He is doing a lot better with is new medication but his responses to things are not always appropriate. I try to keep that in mind. It sounds like it may be your fathers case also because some of his comments were clearly out of line.

Brian, I agree. I'm a vegetarian and try to avoid unhealthy choices. I find on the days I do relapse and binge (I only binge and then starve, I don't purge)--I feel sluggish, depressed, etc.

Personally I love cycling, I'm a "roadie." I also LOVE running, and have even increased it farther to about 14 miles on a good day!

I find these two activities plus lifting weights at home do wonders. Since I am so body conscious, I prefer working out on my own. Plus it doesn't cost what a gym does.

I also take SAM-E, Vitamin B Complex, and St. Johns Wort. They help immensely.

Shells, I have no idea what it must feel like to lose a parent. Both my parents are still alive. So, I think you deserve this *hug*.

One of my parents has a personality disorder (my dad), so its hard to be around him and I limit my time exposed to him. What your father said, please ignore it, it doesnt mean anything. You are a healthy and motivated young woman who just needs to set aside some time in her life to grieve the loss of her mother.

I mean yes, your grandmother might be right for you to keep moving, but at the same time you should address your feelings of grief and allow yourself to process them in a natural way. If you dont, you may not process it correctly.

It's hard when someone dies. And harder still to deal with the sense of loss that accompanies that death. It's not an easy thing. Why do you think all people can say is "i'm sorry for your loss." They dont know what else to say because they know there is nothing that can lift you from your grief. Nothing they can say to bring back your mother again. And they wish they could, the people who care about you, they wish they could take away your saddness. Heck I wish I could...

You, shell have so much talent, so much potential...you truely do. You are like a shining star. And i'm not just saying that to be "nice" or polite. You are beautiful on so many levels.

Never forget that.

I know this sound weird but I doubt your fat. Trust me I weight about 300 pounds and if your saying your an athlete then I really doubt your fat at all. Don't let someone even if it's father tell you who you are. Never give into what everyone elses thinks of you never let someone else define you. Become stronger then all, that is the only way to survive this world.


holy crap I have never written a uplifting thing like this, well I hope you look at it like that lol.

You, dear, are NOT fat. -.- You're one of the cutest, prettiest people on the site, and I say that with the confidence to beat the living honeysuckle out of anyone who says otherwise.

Like Soph said, you have more talent and potential in your pinky than most people accumulate throughout their entire lives. Anyone who isn't proud of you is insane, jealous, or...insanely jealous.

I'm sorry your mother's not there anymore, and it's not an easy thing to deal with. Don't worry about being a burden on your boyfriend - he accepted the role of being your support. I'm sure you would and will do the same thing for him. I know for a fact that having these kinds of relationships is important to help cope with everything. You can't just ignore it or keep yourself busy to push away your hardships.

And if all else fails, you know we all love you like the cute sister we never had...so come talk to us!

Hi dude,.
I thinks the daily walk or running is the best and better option for you to reduce your extra body fats easily,.Swimming is also best choice for that,.

Alexbit said:

Hi dude,.
I thinks the daily walk or running is the best and better option for you to reduce your extra body fats easily,.Swimming is also best choice for that,.

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Shells is not a dude, and she's in good shape.

This is such an old thread... My very first one, actually.

Happy to report that I'm also about 60lbs lighter than I was at the time of posting this thread. Single, too. But, that is definitely another topic and thread buried somewhere. It's funny how much can change in two years.

Looking back, I am so thankful to have met so many of you here in the time that I have been on ALL... A handful of you have gotten me through some of the most darkest and loneliest times of my life. For that, I am blessed. <3

(((((((((((((shells))))))))))))))))) (yum)(goo)

Good for you Shells. So fun when old threads get bumped where the OP comes back with good news to add.

Amazing achievements, congratulations.

If my father had said that to me, I'd've introduced him to the Royal Order Of The Deviated Septum!

Yeah, you aren't a teenage girl tho are you?