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arteb

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Nov 6, 2009
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Hi. I'm all alone. I have no real friends, no one cares about me. No one loves me. I'm gonna die all alone. Lately I've been wanting to kill myself so bad. So bad. Even more than usual. I just don't want to keep on living. I have so many things I would like to talk about with someone, but there's no one. No one I can turn to. Death is better than everything else. I just can't go on anymore. I would just kill for a hug and a "I love you". There's nothing wrong with dreaming, right? I know I don't deserve those things anyway.
 
I care. You deserve more than you give yourself credit for.

Keep holding on to your hopes, dreams, and most importantly - believe in yourself.
 
You can talk to me. I'll listen. What's up? I'm feeling the exact same way. Have been for the the the hole second half of my life. But I'm not dead yet.

My heart aches. The World despises me and is kicking my ass. My dreams are pointless. Confusion, regret, longing, seclusion... Agony... Death is appealing, but so sure and apparent. Why not sit back and enjoy the ride instead of getting off so soon?

So many have died before us that death is truly played out. Trillions of our ancestors have passed on. We will all kiss Death in it's smiling face. Why rush?

Me: I will have some fun before I sleep. Watch some movies, play some games... Whatever I can do. At least go up to the ones you long for and declare your love. I'm gonna do some remarkable sht before I hand in the towel.
 
Everyone deserves love, even though you may not have it right now doesn't mean you won't ever have love in your life. I'll listen, I know what it feels like. You can talk to me. Don't give up.
 
Hey, thanks for taking the time to reply to my rant. I appreciate it a lot. Really. You guys are great. It's just that there are so many things. Problems at home, problems at school now too, the loneliness, the torture of knowing I am a complete and absolute failure, the fact that I'll never have anyone's approval, being in love with someone who will never love me back, the shame of being myself, the lack of love and support, the ******* OCD, etcetera.

Thanks for making me feel at least a little support of some form. Thanks a lot.
 
I think it is just a matter of accepting what is, stop trying to fit ourselves into the mold of normalcy, or what everyone else perceives to be normal. I too have tried endlessly and wished endlessly and dreamed endlessly of getting just one friend, just one person on this planet I can talk to....and what does all that wishing and wanting and trying bring???? Despair and more disgust with myself that I am such the oddity, the square peg in the round hole. Being unemployed for so long now hasn't helped either. Jeesh, when no one even thinks you are able to answer a phone or take an order what does that make you?

Like today, I slept the day away, and started to get even more depressed about the holidays coming and everyone else dancing under the mistletoe and feasting with friends and family.

Heck, so what? I came here. I am here. I can talk to people here. So I can't have what I want....I have this. I have to learn to accept what is and be happy with it.
 
I want to die. And I want it NOW. I'm sick and tired of this honeysuckle. I hate myself so much; partly because I don't dare to kill myself. I'm gonna cut at least.
 
not a good place to be sweetie..... first of all, you have to be careful what you say...don't know how they can do it, but apparently your computer has a code that is traceable and if people think you are on the verge of hurting yourself, they will run a trace on you and then your options become very limited because other people will be placed in charge of any and all decisions concerning you....don't go there, don't make threats, and the momentary pain you experience as relief when you cut only lasts for just that...a moment. There are hotlines you can call day and night and I encourage you to find one, talk, rant and rave, get it out of your system. See if your school offers counseling, peer counseling, whatever.... you obviously feel you have no support in your life and you and only you should take the action to get some help...once other people step in, you lose all control over your life until others decide you aren't going to be a threat to yourself. good luck.
 

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