what makes us depressed

heretostay · Nov 12, 2009

ive started to think that what makes people depressed is that we have so much to share, but no where to share it. in daily social life its not appropriate to delve into the deep meanderings of our souls, and so we have to hold in what is really important to us. we have to entertain idle, superficial chat all day long, and its exhausting to have to hold back all that we really feel. for the most part its easy to just not talk at all. at least, i am starting to realize this is how i feel. i have so many experiences that are so intense but i have no one i can share them with- no one that would understand or appreciate it.

and its even more then that. depressed people are needy people and others cant give us what we need. its no fault of theirs and i dont think its a flaw of ours, either. its just the way it is, but it does divide us emotionally.

However, I had the best experience today. i went to a group session with people that are like me. it was awesome. its like taking this forum and making the people physically present for an hour. this forum is a safe place to spill our feelings, to feel a sense of connection, yet there's enough space that we are comfortable and we can walk away when its over but know that it'll be there when we need it. its not a constant pressure. And that's just what this group is. there's no pressure to be anything other then what you are.

The first person to talk in the group said he felt lonely but, he said, how could he ever say that to his family, or to his friends. It was so touching and sincere, i **** near started crying. how strange that he could say that to a group of strangers and not to his own family. that is how it is though. so strange.

I think i may have helped another member deal with some unresolved issues with a past friendship, and that felt good too.

So it was a good day, which as you all know, for most of us is a rarity. I feel like i connected with people on a real level. if any of you have the opportunity to join a group i highly recommend you do.

obas · Nov 13, 2009

I completely agree that what makes people depressed or lonely is that we have so much to share, but no where or one to share it with. Nothing can be worse than being stuck inside your head with your thoughts spinning on a downward spiral. I see group therapy as a way people with a common interest can come together to express how they feel on a real level, and not fear the judgement of others.

I've come to the conclusion that people who become depressed feel on a different level than the average person. When you try to explain how you are feeling the average person can only look at you like you have lobsters crawling out of your ears. Like feeling is a disease. I say screw that, we feel for a reason so how can that possibly be wrong. Feeling lonely or depressed is not the problem, the problem is the people telling us we shouldn't feel like that. I would rather feel sadness and pain and in those odd moments enjoy my happiness, than be numbed by medication and feel nothing.

heretostay · Nov 13, 2009

Obscure_Aspect said:
I say screw that, we feel for a reason so how can that possibly be wrong. Feeling lonely or depressed is not the problem, the problem is the people telling us we shouldn't feel like that. I would rather feel sadness and pain and in those odd moments enjoy my happiness, than be numbed by medication and feel nothing.

Ya i know what you mean and that's what im starting to realize. i dont know if its arrogant but i do think that i not only think more then most people, but i feel a lot more. but day to day life doesnt work that way. you have to be kind of flat to survive. ive adapted for the most part and im pretty flat day to day. i laugh about things that dont matter, i talk about things that dont matter, and i study things that dont really matter. but the irony is, all that matters is that i focus on the things that dont matter. so strange.

lucius009 · Nov 14, 2009

im so tired of the same things all the time. i never cant be happy for more than 5 minutes, and i´ve been analizing myself is not my fault.just dont know what happen .. why all the peolple are part of this system??? seems we forced to follow the same routine everyday.. just wanna break it off.. and have the happyness that i deserve.. all the people deserve to be happy.

Von Blown · Nov 15, 2009

I've never been happy since I figured out I was going to die, and everybody else was going to die also.

You mostly get sicker and more depressed as you grow older. And see more things grow ill and die.

The only way to avoid depression is either lie to yourself by blocking out the reality of it, or taking drugs etc. Or fixate that there is a better life in heaven after you've gone.

Jesse · Nov 15, 2009

Von Blown said:
taking drugs etc. Or fixate that there is a better life in heaven after you've gone.

Who says you can't do both?!?!?

samba101 · Nov 15, 2009

Yes I'd take drugs if I could but I can't.

heretostay · Nov 16, 2009

lucius009 said:
all the people deserve to be happy.

While i can appreciate how you feel and where you are coming from in saying that everyone deserves to be happy, I actually dont think that's true. there is a balance in life, at the level of the big picture, and some people have to be the ones that are not happy so that there can be happiness. I dont actually think anyone deserves to be happy. I dont think i deserve to be happy. i think im an organism in this world that is evolving for some unknown purpose just like algae in a pond.

Von Blown said:
I've never been happy since I figured out I was going to die, and everybody else was going to die also.

You mostly get sicker and more depressed as you grow older. And see more things grow ill and die.

The only way to avoid depression is either lie to yourself by blocking out the reality of it, or taking drugs etc. Or fixate that there is a better life in heaven after you've gone.

the fact that im just going to die is also something that really trips me up. i dont get why im doing all of this if im just going to die. seems really superfluous.

but i dont think a way around depression is to lie to yourself. i think the way around depression, for a lot of people, is to change the way you view life. You are the one choosing to be here, so obviously you like something about it, even if it is a comfort zone since you dont know what comes next. You chose to stay here so the only thing you are lying to yourself about is your motivation for being here. my brother really struggled with this concept. he thought the truth was just out there somewhere, as i once did, and thought all the world was living a lie because they didnt care to search it out. but the truth is, at the core is the desire not to feel like honeysuckle. The truth of our lives is doing what makes us feel good or at peace with ourselves. the problem with depressed people like myself, is that very, very little makes me feel good and the little that does make me feel good doesnt seem to be enough to make up for the numerous things that make me feel bad.

SophiaGrace · Nov 16, 2009

heretostay said:
heretostay said:

lucius009 said:

all the people deserve to be happy.

Click to expand...

While i can appreciate how you feel and where you are coming from in saying that everyone deserves to be happy, I actually dont think that's true. there is a balance in life, at the level of the big picture, and some people have to be the ones that are not happy so that there can be happiness. I dont actually think anyone deserves to be happy. I dont think i deserve to be happy. i think im an organism in this world that is evolving for some unknown purpose just like algae in a pond.

Click to expand...

ok.

See, you thinking that you don't deserve happiness is blocking you from actually being happy.

I think, depression forms when one fixates on the end result of life. You see, i think life, enjoying life, is all about actually LIVING life. Moving, going to the grocery store, meeting new people, connecting. Life is all about movement. It's not about standing still for immense amounts of time.

When we stand still, we have died in a sense. When we do not move, stuck, in our sorrow, in our memories, we are the living-dead.

When we stare at the ground instead of look up. When we stop scrambling for solutions or thinking our efforts are meaningless (because of the end result you see...), that's when we die in spirit.

We cant stop moving, we have to keep looking ahead. We have to.

I think it's ok to talk about sadness, In fact I think its actually beneficial in order for you to work through your mental/emotional blocks you might be experiencing.

But once you give up, once you say, "i cant be happy. I cant beat this depression." then there is no hope.

"When we dont allow ourselves to hope, we dont allow ourselves to have a purpose. Without purpose, without meaning, life is dark. We've no light within and we're just living to die."

- Dean Koontz (From the Corner of his Eye)

Click to expand...

PivotPoint · Nov 16, 2009

There are many good posts in this thread that contain same ideas.

Quite much I feel unbalanced with myself when I think my mood changes that occur all the time. There is a huge difference between the high and low points of a day which makes the drop even rougher. I don't know does this make any sense to anyone but that's it.

So I can't come here and say that my life is awful and ruined - no it isn't. It's just hard to sit alone in front of an open diary and to just think that is the only one who will listen what I have to say at that given moment. Mostly I chat with people about very ordinary (and not so interesting) topics every day. Of course I need to communicate with people otherwise I would lose my mind totally.

But then when there is possibility to share the deepest thoughts of the mind to someone, it is like vomiting everything out that has been there already a long time. For a while you feel so delighted and light-minded about the occassion but when it is over the depressive pressure is even greater than before. This is why I have to write constantly my feelings and thoughts down to express myself someway.

Hopefully I don't have to look after next 20 years just huge piles of diaries. But to be honest, I believe that I have created my own world like this. Music helps, reading helps but those aren't the once for all cures for the pain - it's in the mirror unfortunately.

heretostay · Nov 16, 2009

SophiaGrace said:
See, you thinking that you don't deserve happiness is blocking you from actually being happy.

But once you give up, once you say, "i cant be happy. I cant beat this depression." then there is no hope.

"When we dont allow ourselves to hope, we dont allow ourselves to have a purpose. Without purpose, without meaning, life is dark. We've no light within and we're just living to die."

I see what you mean, and actually as i was re-reading my own post i thought the very same thing. However, for me personally, i would disagree. In a very weird and twisted way the thought that i dont deserve to be happy gives me hope. If i deserved to be happy, and im not happy, and for the past 27 years of my life everything i have tried does not make me happy, then i cannot achieve what i deserve, and that's depressing. its like saying im inadequate, that i should be like everyone else, and since i cant achieve it, there must be a lot wrong with me. But, if i can accept that this is the way it is, i can either take it or leave it, then i can stop pressuring myself to achieve something that is just out there.

My entire life ive been told that who i am is not ok that i should be someone different because i deserve it. but what if i have emotional limitations that make me who i am, and that's OK? but to take it even further, why does it have to be a limitation? Because personally, i think people that like life, and especially those that are happy about it, are the ones that need some help. i dont like life. i dont like the rules. but what if that's fine. why does everyone have to like life? why cant it be ok for some people to not like it? what if who i am is just fine.

However, i do choose to be here so obviously there's something i like about it. but i dont think i need to be happy about it. i dont think i deserve to be something i am not, nor do i want to be. and for some reason that makes me feel so much better.

heretostay · Nov 17, 2009

PivotPoint said:
But then when there is possibility to share the deepest thoughts of the mind to someone, it is like vomiting everything out that has been there already a long time. For a while you feel so delighted and light-minded about the occassion but when it is over the depressive pressure is even greater than before. This is why I have to write constantly my feelings and thoughts down to express myself someway.

i know exactly what you mean. i used to try and open up, even in counseling, but afterwards i felt terrible. i felt anxious, ornery, shaky, and pissed off. so even when im in counseling, and in the new group that im part of, im taking it extremely slow. i still dont talk about a lot of things. so i guess that's another thing that cuts me off from other people; not their reaction but my own reaction to trying to open up. i do generally stick to talking about superficial things and even though its not exactly what i want, it keeps me from going crazy in isolation.

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