i dont know what to do anymore :(

i just dont understand anymore. i feel like i belong nowhere. i walked around campus today completely alone. i bought a pack of smokes just so when people see me alone outside they think "oh he's smoking. thats why he's out here" but its really because i feel better when i'm alone outside than alone inside. i hate my life so much right now its crazy. i feel like i'm just fading away. my ex texted me today. talking about how much she loves her boyfriend. i told her i didn't want to hear it and she threw my depression in my face. so i stayed up drinking and woke up and drank more. had my brother drive me to school. i passed out again in the library with a pile of poems under me. i woke up and they were gone. 3 months of writing. gone. my one friend is moving on in life and doing good in college. i cant even seem to get out of bed. i hurt everywhere. i hurt all over. i dont know whats gonna happen next but it scares me. i feel so helpless i dont know what to do anymore. i haven't gotten over my best friend passing away and i dont think i ever will. i dont think ill be able to find happiness without her. i loved her so much she was all i had. god i ******* hate my life!

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i just want someone to tell me everythings going to be okay and to tell me they love me. i want someone to hold me like she did. i want someone to love. i want her back
i want her so bad its crazy

I'm so sorry gauloises that nearly brought tears to my eyes

do you have a therapist you could talk to? it might help to be able to talk with a proffesional about this.

first i do not think the drinking is helping it may lift the depression for a little while, but it is only a temporary fix and it's only going to get worse


maybe what I'd suggest is to read a really sad book and cry, then sleep till you can sleep no more (weekend is comming up, sleep for a while_

then get up and take a long shower and face the world

it's a lot easier on paper or in text, then to actually put it into motion,

but similar things have helped me, moods and temporary, they come and go, you will feel better someday

although it may feel like you will never be happy again, it is jst a feeling and it will pass

best of luck

*hugs*

so, what's your friend's name and when did she pass?

Yes I've been in your shoes and no matter how you want life to change it just doesn't, so unfair. Hugs dude.

I know these feelings all too well. Maybe for different reasons, but very similar nonetheless. I wish I could hug you, and tell you everything will be all right, and that eventually things will be better. But it doesn't work that way. Maybe by taking some initiative..you could force yourself to take part in activities that could help you meet someone who has the power that could change your life. That could ease your pain from being so lonely. You just need to find that trigger, that someone, that thing..that can change how you look at the world, and how you react to it.. Something that gives you some peace, and some love.