Crying in your dreams, waking up crying

I remember when I was 8 years old doing a science project in front of my class, my face got so red that I will never forget it and I'm 36 years old now. So now, whenever I go to group meetings, I find myself getting red again. I'm good on one-on-one conversations but a group of people? Forget it.

Since I live with my mother, she knows how deeply alone I am. I've been alone ever since I was a child. My mom told me how quiet I was, always playing by myself. Until 7 years ago, I would have sorrowful dreams that I would wake up crying and the pain of sorrow would literally hurt my gut. I always wondered what that meant. Am I the only one? I begininng to think this is some sort of curse. Better yet, having no friends would be the ultimate curse, or is it?

We all have lost so much already but we still have more loss yet to come. Those to you that have family, your lucky. The only person I have in my life is my mom and once she's gone, I really don't know what to do.-James

Hey James I'm in the same boat I only have my parents and don't know what I'll do without them life will be dismal indeed.

James the only recourse is to somehow grow away from your mom. Grow more roots, so when she passes, you will not completely crack yourself.

I think this requires moving into your own apartment and living on your own, making new friends and new connections.

I know you've been alone all your life but there will be a time when you have to reach out to others or suffocate in your loneliness.

And, I dont want you to suffocate in your loneliness. It's a very painful way to live/"go".

You have to grow James. Grow like everyone has to. Freshmen in college experience homesickness because they miss home. They miss their family, but eventually these people find others to build their life with, so, when their parents die, they CAN bear it.

Grow upwards James, dont hide, dont stagnate. Once you stagnate you wither.

Stretch yourself. Do things you are afraid of.

-Soph

SophiaGrace said:

James the only recourse is to somehow grow away from your mom. Grow more roots, so when she passes, you will not completely crack yourself.

I think this requires moving into your own apartment and living on your own, making new friends and new connections.

I know you've been alone all your life but there will be a time when you have to reach out to others or suffocate in your loneliness.

And, I dont want you to suffocate in your loneliness. It's a very painful way to live/"go".

You have to grow James. Grow like everyone has to. Freshmen in college experience homesickness because they miss home. They miss their family, but eventually these people find others to build their life with, so, when their parents die, they CAN bear it.

Grow upwards James, dont hide, dont stagnate. Once you stagnate you wither.

Stretch yourself. Do things you are afraid of.

-Soph

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Thanks Soph, I haven't been on this forum lately but you are so right and thanks. I was once living on my own for 6 years but because my mom is getting old, my sister suggested that I come live with mom so I can help out with rent but not knowing that I would then form this strong bond living with her in a one-bedroom apartment, I would grow with her under her skin. I should of never moved in with her.

I have no job, no money, no car, no friends so I have no choice but to live with her, at least for the moment. I really resent that she "babied" me and still do at the age of 36, I now realize how strong our unhealthy bondage became. Its' very sickening to live in each others' skin. I had to set boundries because she got too attached to me. I can go on and on...-James

Bae said:

SophiaGrace said:

James the only recourse is to somehow grow away from your mom. Grow more roots, so when she passes, you will not completely crack yourself.

I think this requires moving into your own apartment and living on your own, making new friends and new connections.

I know you've been alone all your life but there will be a time when you have to reach out to others or suffocate in your loneliness.

And, I dont want you to suffocate in your loneliness. It's a very painful way to live/"go".

You have to grow James. Grow like everyone has to. Freshmen in college experience homesickness because they miss home. They miss their family, but eventually these people find others to build their life with, so, when their parents die, they CAN bear it.

Grow upwards James, dont hide, dont stagnate. Once you stagnate you wither.

Stretch yourself. Do things you are afraid of.

-Soph

Click to expand...

Thanks Soph, I haven't been on this forum lately but you are so right and thanks. I was once living on my own for 6 years but because my mom is getting old, my sister suggested that I come live with mom so I can help out with rent but not knowing that I would then form this strong bond living with her in a one-bedroom apartment, I would grow with her under her skin. I should of never moved in with her.

I have no job, no money, no car, no friends so I have no choice but to live with her, at least for the moment. I really resent that she "babied" me and still do at the age of 36, I now realize how strong our unhealthy bondage became. Its' very sickening to live in each others' skin. I had to set boundries because she got too attached to me. I can go on and on...-James

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Hi James,

How about your online life, are you're still feel lonely ? i mean your friend at facebook, YM, etc..

-Zuki

I sympathise. The dreams I dream mostly tend to be bizarre as opposed to harrowing. I am thankful for this as sleep is the only respite I get from the way I feel when awake (which is sad and lonely). To have those feelings regularly in dreams too must be awful.


I'm sure that when my parents die I will not be long after them.