I Haven't Left the House in Months

Some background:
I'm 19 years old, living at home and a college drop out (another topic entirely, but in case you're wondering, I dropped out because it felt a bit like a diploma mill and I also was feeling more consistently self-conscious there than ever before). Over the course of just over a year, I have been working on my depression so that I could stop being suicidal. After two suicide attempts, both involving police and lock-in mental institutions, I spent a year just coping until a series of three epiphany events that showed me why I should love life. Great, no longer suicidal at all and loving life.

That catches us up to today, and basically the past three to five months. I have so many things I want to be doing, but I just can't start doing them. I feel stuck. Sort of like a mental claustrophobia, is how I can best describe it. I recently realized that the root of my current problem is loneliness, from which all of my problems seem to have stemmed. It turns out loneliness can have physical effects*, such as obesity and rapid aging, among other dilemmas, as well as a slew of emotional problems, like depression. It seems to fit. I ended up scoring a 78 out of 80 on the UCLA Loneliness Scale, version 3. The "problem" could be drilled down yet another level, to emotional self-regulation and inaccurate persisting mental representations of, as well as reasoning about, others. I really didn't need to say all of that, but I thought some of you could find it useful. The point is, I have methods for finding solutions to my social anxiety, self-esteem, and self-confidence (among other similar things with tons of similar titles that I don't care to bother listing, but you get the point).

The problem:
I have no idea where to go to interact with people! All I do is sit around, alone, all day. My existing friendships feel more and more distant. I'm tired of calling them up and asking them if they want to do anything, since they're all perpetually too busy. So this leaves me with only the option of going out on my own, which heightens my social anxiety, but I guess it's all I can do. But where the hell do I go? I live in the suburbs—a particularly boring suburb—and have no income (hard to get a job when I feel so bad all the time) to pay for much gas. I don't have any ideas to get me around people regularly just to start experimenting with ways to lessen and/or eliminate the mental warfare that occurs when I'm out in public, and maybe start to act like a normal human being, or at least as much as I care to be. It's just very frustrating, and like I said earlier, it's like mental claustrophobia: I want to get out but have nowhere to go and no means to do so.

Ideas? Comments? Thoughts?

*I got my information on anxiety from neuroscientists specializing in behavioral sciences rather than the likes of Google, in case you're wondering.

- LP

Hi lucky(cool if i call you that for short?)
Well could i ask where you live? I mean like state and maybe city or at least what size of city. I'm sorry to say i dont know any solutions to your problem. (you could probly have geussed by me being on this web site) any way i'm sorry i cant help out but i'd like a chance to get to know you. you sound like a very interesting person and with a interesting background. So well message me if you want to talk.

Of course, call me whatever you'd like.

I'm located in Minnesota, 45 minutes northwest of the Twin Cities. I was going to mention that, but failed to remember to do so.

Thanks for the response. It's good to know that someone's not only reading this, but also reaching out.

When you think about it, a bunch of lonely people asking each other how to not be lonely doesn't make all that much sense. Haha. I found a few groups with similar interests as me, but it's all so far away. I can avoid parking fees and gas money, I can use my unlimited bus pass until the end of the year. But that means about an hour and a half transit each way. Bleh. One of the groups is for people with social anxiety and the like, and they have a meetup on Sunday. I'm thinking about going, if I feel like three hours of transit that day, and what else I may have to do.

Gotta go.

- LP

what made the group alluring?

luckyplatypus said:

One of the groups is for people with social anxiety and the like, and they have a meetup on Sunday. I'm thinking about going, if I feel like three hours of transit that day, and what else I may have to do.

Click to expand...

Go to that. You have no reason not to try it

Whenever I worry about a situation with perceived risk of loss, I sometimes find it helpful to give myself a reality check. So I ask myself, "What're they gonna do, slap me and take my birthday away?" Which does two things for me. First it brings me back to grounds and reminds me that I'm not actually going to lose anything. Secondly it makes me laugh and puts a smile on my face. Because, lets face it, it's impossible to revoke a birthday.


I mean really, what's the worst that can happen in the end. As long as we're independent, have a good work ethic and can muster some ambition when it counts, we're fine in spite of everything else.

go out for walks , a bit of fresh air can do wonders for you.

Sometimes I 'd go out and walk in one direction for 30 mins , felt better when I got back.

I think it would be a good start,
and it would get you out of the house,think of it as an adventure, let us know how it go's