lost inside my head

im a 20 something from boston massachusetts. im alone in the world. i spend my days locked in my house. no visitors except for my parents who drop by unannounced. my family makes me feel like im a loser. i have extreme social paranoia issues. i always feel like the people around me have hidden motives. everyone hates me anyways. they pick on me, they tell me that ill never find someone to love me and that happiness will never find its way into my heart. dont get me wrong, ive been a fresia up for a while now. but ive managed to have some good times. however, everything turned upside down about 2 years ago. i slipped into a deep depression, lost all my friends and now im alone. i try so hard to make an effort to appear normal, even for a short period of time. but eventually my mind wanders and i feel like the room is moving around me while i sit still. everyone i see is doing something with their lives. and me? ive got germaphobia, social anxiety, clinical depression, bipolar, a.d.d.... the list goes on. im doomed to be alone. sometimes i get lost in my thoughts. i find myself daydreaming all day. wondering about the life i could have if i had just one loyal friend. someone who can decode me and make it feel normal for once. i need a friend who can give me a reason to live outside of my daydreams.... its so lonely in here

sweetie, are you getting any kind of help? therapy? boston is such a great city, it will be so easy to find a really great therapist there
edit: also, not that i haven't thought exactly the same thing...but no one else should be under the burden to help us feel "normal".... friendships aren't about using other people to help us overcome our problems and the so called "normal" people are having a tough enough time dealing with their every day life. We lonely types think that if just one person, one crappy person would see the worth in us or believe in us, we'd get better.

nope. really doesn't work that way...that might happen in the movies or in a book, but in real life, it is a myth really.

YOU have to somehow dig really really really deep inside of yourself and cling to that one thing about yourself that do like, and love yourself ridiculously for it.... simply adore yourself. sounds wierd I know. I've only been here a couple of weeks I think, maybe it's only one week, I can't remember, i'm not good at time here all alone .... just like you, extremely isolated. But I don't have social anxiety issues....

since being here just a short time, I am forcing myself to break out of my self imposed prison. Only I can find the key and release the chains I have put on myself. No one else can do that for me. I started with making a list of everything good about me. was hard, so hard. there were three things on the list.....but today there are 11 things on the list.... and I have stopped the overeating, and I make a list every day.... on the list is one thing I MUST accomplish to take one step forward. ONE crappy thing I have to do that I don't want to do....I'm thinking I will graduate to two things maybe in December.

I dunno, it's working for me. Do just ONE thing you think is impossible or is at least one thing you couldn't do yesterday ....and then really tell yourself how great you are for doing it, and start trying to like yourself. That's where it all begins. YOU have to like you.... no one can deal with us miserable types, we are a downer, we are a reminder of stuff and issues others don't want to remember or can't deal with themselves.... Just do it for you. Who else can be there for you right now? Just you. So start getting to like yourself a bit better. That's where it all begins.

I've been there and done that.

I knew all that crap was in my head but it didn't examped me
from going through the mental and emotion trip I was experincing.

I basically isolated myself for almost a year becuase life and people
seem retarded to me. I bascailly developed cabin fever...
I also had PTDS

I accepted that condition or where I was at. This gave me a starting piont.
I have to forced myself to go outside of my house a little bit everyday.
Gradually I was able to just go sit at a park for a couple of hours everyday...I still kept people at a distance...

Alot of people on here had to help me get through whatever I was
going through. I learned to make friends or allow myself to trust
again. I was able to transfer that into my life from the net.

I also started riding my bike everyday. Excersize and getting sunshine.

Graudaully I was able to returned to work...However I still had problems
being around people. I've know people at my office for decades it was
still a challenge for me to be around people. They were undrstanding
however I would only sit in my office for only 15 mins at first...I found
myself having to go outside 3-4 times per hour to be along.
I had major anxieties being around people or I'd get a headache.

Gradaully I was able to return to my support groups...Even then, I
set in the back of the room in my little conner. I was able to talk
to only a couple of people at first becuase I had major trust issues
and cabin fever...I used to shake just becuase..
Slowly I started working my recovery or living program again.

Then I was forced to attend another facilty in a big city of millions in a different country. Errr...I was tripp'in out for a couple of weeks...Gradually I was able to carry on a conversation with complete strangers...

A little bit everyday. I got better. Graudally I was able to flirt with the
babes in the office or even started asking chicks out.

I'm able to form relations with people I love very much and have friends in my life today. I'm very grateful. She's been very supportive, Just knowing she loves me very much
inspite of everything and given me peace, comfort and hope.
It took a lot of work, patince for myself....It didn't happened overnite.

My life is not perfect today and alot of things are not going my way
or what I wish for it to be..However I came a long ways since
I made a decision to get well....

I know it sounds so corny, but honey, your soul mate is out there. Your other half could be right under your nose, but your not going to find her locked up at home.

Could you just start by taking a little walk around the block? A trip to the mall? Small steps.

I recently climbed a mountain - how did I do it? One step at a time.....