25 and never had a girlfriend

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Groovy

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Hello everyone, I'm new here. I have been seriously struggling with loneliness the past few months. I think it directly related to the fact that I am so unsuccessful with women. My mom actually asked me if I was gay the otherday.

I want to have a relationship so bad, but at the same time I am absolutly terrified at the thought of putting myself out there. I can't take anymore rejection by women, it absolutly paralyzed my ability to ask out a girl I am interested in. I am a pretty social person and have many good friends (mostly dudes unfortunatly), but never can successfully bridge the gap to having a meaningful intimate relationship with someone.

I am still in college and every semester I seem to make friends with at least one girl who I am interested in. By friends I mean we talk in class and walk to our next classes together, or even just talk after class for a bit. The thing is that I will let my guard down thinking they are interested in me and ask them out on date. They always say yes, but nothing ever comes of it. In fact more often then not they just quit talking to me.

I have had some that I do get out ona date with, but they never really act interested in fact the opposite happens and all i can think is this poor girl is just to nice to flat out reject me.

I honestly feel like I am unlovable, I mean I know my family/friends loves me but no girl would ever want to spend more than a couple hours with me let alone the rest of her life. I don't want to live the rest of my life without that connection. And if it weren't for what it would do to those close to me I would not be here today.
 
Groovy said:
Hello everyone, I'm new here. I have been seriously struggling with loneliness the past few months. I think it directly related to the fact that I am so unsuccessful with women. My mom actually asked me if I was gay the otherday.

I want to have a relationship so bad, but at the same time I am absolutly terrified at the thought of putting myself out there. I can't take anymore rejection by women, it absolutly paralyzed my ability to ask out a girl I am interested in. I am a pretty social person and have many good friends (mostly dudes unfortunatly), but never can successfully bridge the gap to having a meaningful intimate relationship with someone.

I am still in college and every semester I seem to make friends with at least one girl who I am interested in. By friends I mean we talk in class and walk to our next classes together, or even just talk after class for a bit. The thing is that I will let my guard down thinking they are interested in me and ask them out on date. They always say yes, but nothing ever comes of it. In fact more often then not they just quit talking to me.

I have had some that I do get out ona date with, but they never really act interested in fact the opposite happens and all i can think is this poor girl is just to nice to flat out reject me.

I honestly feel like I am unlovable, I mean I know my family/friends loves me but no girl would ever want to spend more than a couple hours with me let alone the rest of her life. I don't want to live the rest of my life without that connection. And if it weren't for what it would do to those close to me I would not be here today.
Click to expand...

Hi, Groovy

I feel like I can relate to you. I'm a 20 year old junior in a small college in New York and I am lonely. I have one true friend. Or two, if you count my PS3, with which I spend many hours playing video games. I've never had a real relationship before and I feel my self esteem gradually slipping away from me. I don't feel unlovable because I know that I have a support system at home. They are the reason why my grades are high and why should never fail. I try to distract myself from my loneliness by immersing myself in my work but it always creeps back when I'm sitting in my dorm, watching TV or listening to my downstairs housemates all getting along. I don't want to live like this anymore either. It's horrendously slow living like this. I recently starting volunteering to get my mind off my loneliness also. it helps somewhat. I don't know what advice to offer to you because we seem to be in similar predicaments, but I urge you not to feel like you are unlovable. I've heard over and over again that when we look for love, we won't find it, but when we stop, it'll come to us.
 
samba101 said:
The positive thing is that you do get dates, so don't let that get you down.
Click to expand...

^That's true. I've never even been on a date before. It's not like you've never experienced it before.
 
hey, i kinda know how your feeling :( i'v had girlfriends before but i can never seem to get a relationship to last long enough to get serious. i'v been told it's because im too nice, not a push-over just to nice < if that makes sense. I usualy have plenty of things to say to girls i talk to. i don't know what it is, and i'm not going to change my personality to someone i'm not. maybe the sayings true, nice guys finish last?

anyways all the best :)
 
Groovy said:
I honestly feel like I am unlovable, I mean I know my family/friends loves me but no girl would ever want to spend more than a couple hours with me let alone the rest of her life.
Click to expand...

I've felt like that way too many times. But as samba101 said, you have been on dates. If you were truly unlovable, I don't think girls would even go on a date with you once, so I believe you're headed in the right direction (by dating).

criminalhaysoos said:
I've heard over and over again that when we look for love, we won't find it, but when we stop, it'll come to us.
Click to expand...

Stopping is easier said than done though.
 
Hello Groovy. I'm 23 years old and in the same predicament as yourself, but the difference being I rarely get the opportunity to meet girls and have never actually been on a date. Having said that, I know how bad you must feel because I feel the pain of loneliness, lack of companionship, sexual frustration etc on a daily basis and it never goes away. It may go to the back of my mind for a few hours but it's never long before it raises it's ugly head again.

Feel free to message me if you wish to talk.
 
This is how it'll probably play out:

You want a relationship - You'll get it - You'll discover that it's absolutely nothing like you imagined - You want to get out.

It seems to me that you want a relationship just for the sake of having one. You also seem to believe that getting a girlfriend will magically fix all of your loneliness problems, which is merely wishful thinking. Don't put relationships on a pedestal, trust me on this.
 
Like others have said, at least you get dates. I will also say your mom at least waited until you were 25 to pop that question. My dad waited until I was 19.

It sounds to me like you need to work on your view of yourself. Why do you think you are unlovable? Another question to ask is why do you want to have a relationship? The hardest question to ask, if you were a female would you want to be intimate with yourself.

Do you think about why these dates go bad? Maybe sit down and reflect on your past failures. See if you can find something you can change for next time.
 
AFrozenSoul said:
Like others have said, at least you get dates. I will also say your mom at least waited until you were 25 to pop that question. My dad waited until I was 19.

It sounds to me like you need to work on your view of yourself. Why do you think you are unlovable? Another question to ask is why do you want to have a relationship? The hardest question to ask, if you were a female would you want to be intimate with yourself.

Do you think about why these dates go bad? Maybe sit down and reflect on your past failures. See if you can find something you can change for next time.
Click to expand...
You're lucky, my Dad asked me when I was 12 because I hadn't been in a relationship yet and then when I got a girlfriend at 13 he said "Phew, thank fresia for that. I could've swore you were an uphill gardener."

But yes, self image etc etc

Rejection is nothing, just shrug it off, yo. :D!

 
You'd think if you really were gay you would have brought home a boyfriend. I would have waited to see one of those before asking the question.
 
@Soup: In my defense my dad probably wanted to ask me when I was 13, but he didn't. :p besides my roommate's ex girlfriend had relatives who sent their 8 year old son to therapy when he had yet to have a girlfriend at 8. You know to make sure he comes out straight.
 

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