manipulative behavior

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EveWasFramed

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I saw this article while reading the news (on line) and thought it was pretty interesting. I don't know of too many people who can say they've never been manipulated by someone else.
Feel free to post examples of a time where someone has tried to manipulate you.


5 Behaviors of Manipulative People

Many of us like to think the best of people. We like to think that they shoot straight and are forthright in their intentions. We also like to believe that they will ask for what they want and not resort to crazy tactics to get it. Unfortunately, however, there are times when we come across those who will do whatever it takes to get what they want…including manipulation. Being manipulated never feels good, but the worst part of manipulation is that often, we don’t even realize that it is happening. Here are a few ways to know if someone is trying to manipulate you:

Buttering You Up: To get their way, manipulators will often make you feel good so that they can then ask you to do something that they want. The person may first compliment you or tell you what a wonderful job you did on something. Making you feel good will, in their mind, make it difficult for you to say no…after all, you wouldn’t want to disappoint them or give them reason to think you didn’t deserve the compliment in the first place. What you can do: Return the compliments and the niceties before saying no.

Guilt: This doesn’t only pertain to Catholics and Jewish Mothers; guilt trips have been a successful manipulation tactic for centuries. The saddest part of this strategy is that the victims of this tactic succumb to the manipulators’ demands because they feel they HAVE to, not because they WANT to. In personal relationships, this sets up a co-dependency that is extremely unhealthy. What you can do: Ask the individual if they want you to do something because you have to or because you want to. If they say they want you to want to do it, tell them that you don’t and that they are trying to force you into something you don’t feel comfortable with.

Broken Record: Probably the most obvious of formats is the broken record tactic. If a person asks you enough or pushes their agenda enough…constantly repeating the question or request over and over again…in slightly different ways, the victim will inevitably give in and give them what they want. Oye! What you can do: Ask the individual what they don’t understand about the word “no.” Tell them that asking you over and over again isn’t going to change anything and that they are inappropriately over-stepping boundaries.

Selective Memory: This one gets me the most. You swear you have a conversation about a plan and everyone is on the same page, and then one day, the manipulator pretends to remember the conversation completely differently, if at all. What you can do: Record your conversations…seriously! Okay, maybe not. At least have a witness that you can count on to back you up if the person pulls this shenanigan. Call them out on the fact that they conveniently change the game to fit their needs.

Bullying: If a person doesn’t get their way, they make you out to look or feel like the bad guy…like you are the wrong one. What you can do: Be firm and tell them that their bullying tactics are inappropriate and unacceptable.

source: http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/life/5-behaviors-of-manipulative-people-549848/
 
I actually used to study neuro-linguistic programming. It's interesting stuff, all about how language format influences what we think about. If you get pretty good with NLP you can manipulate people like crazy without even resorting to any of these tactics.

So as each of you relaxes in your chair thinking about if people have swayed you, you may consider how beneficial it would be to learn methods of using the speech that flows out of your mouth, shaped by your lips, to sway those around you with ease. Many people with these talents, like you, find great fullfillment in life, and are very happy with their circumstances!

Heh, silly. I'm not so hot with it, but you get the idea. Read again and pay attention to your brain.
 
EveWasFramed said:
I don't know of too many people who can say they've never been manipulated by someone else...

...and if you think you don't manipulate people, you probably do it more than most!

While I've known many people who intentionally use these tactics, before we demonize manipulators too much we should realise the worst of them don't realise they're doing it much of the time. It's simply a learned response to not getting what they want. And in the case of some, it shakes their sense of trust and security when someone finds ways to weaken the efficacy of this behaviour, causing them to feel frustrated and act personally attacked. This adds a new level to their bullying manipulative behaviour; "Give in to me or this will escalate! You're on my side or we're directly opposed!" Many of us don't realise it, but when desperate we care little for what people really feel or think as long as we can get them to do and say what we want. After feeling desperately insecure in a relationship, I only realised how manipulative I had been when I entered another relationship with someone far more insecure than me. Suddenly the tables were turned and I got a little of what I deserved.
 
manipulators KNOW what they're doing, it's all DELIBERATE and the intention is the get whatever it is they WANT

sometimes certain kinds of manipulators get off on the destruction they leave behind, its all part of the thrill.

but the hardcore ones i believe are wired differently than a normal human being, they feel no empathy, there is an emotional VOID inside them and they crave craziness and drama to move them into a threshold of some kind of feeling which is usually all about hedonism.. power, sex.. whatever their 'hit' is.. they are addicts/junkies persuing their wants regardless of the consequences..

thats my experience
 
they dont understand what they are doing until stuff goes against them bad then it unravells. everyone is different i would say most people dont know they are doing it. only the harcore ones plan and scheme for their fix
 
Yes, anyone who ever attempts to share a problem with you is a manipulative *******. How dare they think you worthy enough to open up to. Beat them down and beat them down hard. It's the only way they willl ever learn.
 
Twitchy said:
Yes, anyone who ever attempts to share a problem with you is a manipulative *******. How dare they think you worthy enough to open up to. Beat them down and beat them down hard. It's the only way they willl ever learn.

Most people see manipulation and opening up as too seperate things.
 
In most cases anyway. Some people do attempt to use the empathy of others for their own purposes. But they are, thankfully, a minority.
 
OK let me clarify...

Yes, there are different kinds/degrees of manipulation. My purpose for this thread was to point out signs of the ones who do so with the express intent of personal gain.
You know....

Haven't you ever been manipulated by a family member, friend, or a co-worker who wanted something from you, or wanted you to do something for them? And, no, I'm not referring to the kind of manipulation where your sister sucks up to you to get a ride to school or something. I mean SERIOUS manipulation.
 
Steel said:
In most cases anyway. Some people do attempt to use the empathy of others for their own purposes. But they are, thankfully, a minority.

I suppose they do. Some even use it in an attempt to make new friends. It doesn't necessarily mean they want anything from them...except the friendship of course.
 
yes I was as a child. Dad saw me as a type of weapon to use against my mom. So he'd try to make it seem like I didnt love him if I didnt take his side in things...

It was weird.
 
I been manipulated pretty tough before. In the end I'm to blame for the choices I made becuase I made them, however I'm not a very strong minded individual and at that time in my life things were so bad I just just decided that I would suicide in the near future anyway, so started not really caring at all what happened.

I'm not even sure if some people (not all), but some are aware of their manipulative behavior. Just comes natural I suppose, in contrast to the strength of their desire and the means it takes to satisfy whatever it may be.

I'm also a welcome mat too, so when people get to know me well they usualy figure that out... it's funny i've had people who took advantage of the fact, but still looked out for me... like i was THEIR ***** and no one elses lol... i've had people just kinda treat me shitty take things out on me...

lol in gradeschool i had this friend that nobody really liked or hung out with... so i friended him... and he would just hit me sometimes lol...i wuld tell him i didn't like that and to stop, but he still did...i've had some good friends though... hah the girls i've been with always knew how to get to me... although a couple were very sweet...
 

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