Hello. I just joined and this is my first post here. The reason being this bad week I've been having which has caused me to think more deeply about things.
I'll start off by saying this. I'm normally by myself. I always figured it was because I was probably a loner of some sort, but I'm starting to think that's not the reason. There have been times when I go to sleep and have good dreams about hanging out with other boys and girls my age and having a good time...only to wake up pondering about why my life isn't like the one in my dream.
Well for years I've enjoyed listening to people's problems and talking to them about it. One of these people is a childhood friend 3 years younger than me. She usually has something to tell me and I talk to her about it and try to cheer her up. However, there was a time when I wasn't feeling too great and wanted to talk to her about it. As you could predict, she said I was ranting too much.
Unfortunately, that's not the only time it's happened. I have a friend that I'm really close to. Or maybe it's more appropriate to say "was really close to" right now but I don't think I should assume anything. I like talking to her since I feel especially good when she's happy (yes I do have a thing for her). I've been in a best friend type of friendship (I didn't really think so but she insisted on it) with her for a few years now even. But there are times when she tells me "That's your problem, not mine" or "I don't really care." Also recently she's been friendly with most of her friends except me. I feel like she's deliberately ignoring me even. Again, I don't want to assume anything but that's really what it feels like.
Of course there are other instances, especially this week. After listening to someone's story for a while, they never let me get a word in. It's as if I'm not even supposed to say anything. Another thing I noticed this week was that my friends always walk out on me or ignore me when they have another friend nearby. And to top it all off, I was told that the only reason people know I exist is because I stalk people. Now I have no idea what I do that constitutes stalking, but it did hit me that I'm really insignificant.
So here I am typing this long post at midnight asking myself: Do I even belong with other people? Would people be happier if I wasn't there to begin with? Do these people that I call my friends even think about my feelings?
After typing all of this, it really strikes me as completely pointless, but I'm hoping that there are other people with the same questions and people that could give me any advice about my situation.
I'll start off by saying this. I'm normally by myself. I always figured it was because I was probably a loner of some sort, but I'm starting to think that's not the reason. There have been times when I go to sleep and have good dreams about hanging out with other boys and girls my age and having a good time...only to wake up pondering about why my life isn't like the one in my dream.
Well for years I've enjoyed listening to people's problems and talking to them about it. One of these people is a childhood friend 3 years younger than me. She usually has something to tell me and I talk to her about it and try to cheer her up. However, there was a time when I wasn't feeling too great and wanted to talk to her about it. As you could predict, she said I was ranting too much.
Unfortunately, that's not the only time it's happened. I have a friend that I'm really close to. Or maybe it's more appropriate to say "was really close to" right now but I don't think I should assume anything. I like talking to her since I feel especially good when she's happy (yes I do have a thing for her). I've been in a best friend type of friendship (I didn't really think so but she insisted on it) with her for a few years now even. But there are times when she tells me "That's your problem, not mine" or "I don't really care." Also recently she's been friendly with most of her friends except me. I feel like she's deliberately ignoring me even. Again, I don't want to assume anything but that's really what it feels like.
Of course there are other instances, especially this week. After listening to someone's story for a while, they never let me get a word in. It's as if I'm not even supposed to say anything. Another thing I noticed this week was that my friends always walk out on me or ignore me when they have another friend nearby. And to top it all off, I was told that the only reason people know I exist is because I stalk people. Now I have no idea what I do that constitutes stalking, but it did hit me that I'm really insignificant.
So here I am typing this long post at midnight asking myself: Do I even belong with other people? Would people be happier if I wasn't there to begin with? Do these people that I call my friends even think about my feelings?
After typing all of this, it really strikes me as completely pointless, but I'm hoping that there are other people with the same questions and people that could give me any advice about my situation.
