Why do you feel it is hard to make/keep friends?

Splenda-Kills · Dec 23, 2009

For me, it's my own depression, low self-esteem, and distrust for people. I am very paranoid around people, even my own family. I feel as though people talk behind my back (mind you, I have no real basis for this idea) and while facing me, they may think about how strange I am or how they don't really want to be standing there, listening to me ramble about whatever I may be going on about. Even with tons of reassuring words from said people, I don't trust them. When I get close to a person, I feel that any minute they will turn around and tell me how I'm annoying or how they were just playing with me. Because of that, even when I manage to work myself into a friendship, I always keep one foot out in case I have to run. I just recently shut the door on a friend (albeit online) because of that habit. It shreds me to pieces to know it was completely my own fault. Circumstances made it so that I am rarely connected to society, and with all the household screaming, beating, baby-making, and the lack of having met good people, my impression of people in general is poor. I feel as though I must stay guarded, because anyone who makes friends with me must be trying to fool me. I suppose it comes from the idea that I have no likeable qualities and therefore am unfit to mix in with society.

Cooldere719 · Dec 23, 2009

In your case the best idea is to stop thinking about these insecurities. You have to believe in yourself and think "They're harmless". I myself feel the same way too, but I'm trying to improve.
Going out more often can make you feel less insecure, because you're more exposed to others. If you spend a lot of time disconnected to society it can influence your poor social life which leads to low self esteem. I have the same problem mostly due to the fact I'm rarely exposed to others and spend a lot of time at home.
Try to make some friends you could trust, and your insecurities will go away eventually. I hope this helps.

Splenda-Kills · Dec 23, 2009

Cooldere719 said:
In your case the best idea is to stop thinking about these insecurities. You have to believe in yourself and think "They're harmless". I myself feel the same way too, but I'm trying to improve.
Going out more often can make you feel less insecure, because you're more exposed to others. If you spend a lot of time disconnected to society it can influence your poor social life which leads to low self esteem. I have the same problem mostly due to the fact I'm rarely exposed to others and spend a lot of time at home.
Try to make some friends you could trust, and your insecurities will go away eventually. I hope this helps.

Haha, yeah, I hear ya. It's not that I don't have the will to make things better. Just haven't got the means or opportunity.

packyourbags · Dec 23, 2009

Splenda-Kills said:
For me, it's my own depression, low self-esteem, and distrust for people. I am very paranoid around people, even my own family. I feel as though people talk behind my back (mind you, I have no real basis for this idea) and while facing me, they may think about how strange I am or how they don't really want to be standing there, listening to me ramble about whatever I may be going on about. Even with tons of reassuring words from said people, I don't trust them. When I get close to a person, I feel that any minute they will turn around and tell me how I'm annoying or how they were just playing with me. Because of that, even when I manage to work myself into a friendship, I always keep one foot out in case I have to run. I just recently shut the door on a friend (albeit online) because of that habit. It shreds me to pieces to know it was completely my own fault. Circumstances made it so that I am rarely connected to society, and with all the household screaming, beating, baby-making, and the lack of having met good people, my impression of people in general is poor. I feel as though I must stay guarded, because anyone who makes friends with me must be trying to fool me. I suppose it comes from the idea that I have no likeable qualities and therefore am unfit to mix in with society.

well - your last sentence, about not having likeable qualities is comepletely unbased. you are awesome. like - you are funny, and sound smart

for example - i am sure there is much much more.
and well - i hope you will find the people that will not let you go so easily.

it sounds like a waste - that someone like you would spend time lonely.

(hugs)

shade.

Splenda-Kills · Dec 23, 2009

packyourbags said:
well - your last sentence, about not having likeable qualities is comepletely unbased. you are awesome. like - you are funny, and sound smart for example - i am sure there is much much more.
and well - i hope you will find the people that will not let you go so easily.

it sounds like a waste - that someone like you would spend time lonely.

(hugs)

shade.

Aww, you're such a sweetheart

You seem like the type who everyone would love to be friends with.
Anyone who wouldn't like to be friends with you needs to spread their buttcheeks and insert foot.

packyourbags · Dec 23, 2009

Splenda-Kills said:
packyourbags said:

well - your last sentence, about not having likeable qualities is comepletely unbased. you are awesome. like - you are funny, and sound smart for example - i am sure there is much much more.
and well - i hope you will find the people that will not let you go so easily.

it sounds like a waste - that someone like you would spend time lonely.

(hugs)

shade.

Click to expand...

Aww, you're such a sweetheart

You seem like the type who everyone would love to be friends with.
Anyone who wouldn't like to be friends with you needs to spread their buttcheeks and insert foot.

LOL XD

you are awesome

and well. idk - i guess there will be alot of people that will need to perform the second action on :/ but then - we don't care about those XD

(hug) you are a darling (hug)

Splenda-Kills · Dec 23, 2009

packyourbags said:
LOL XD

you are awesome and well. idk - i guess there will be alot of people that will need to perform the second action on :/ but then - we don't care about those XD

(hug) you are a darling (hug)

Aw, thanks. -hug-

I still think the foot insertion would be funny to watch though

Now that I think on it, I wonder if I should go back to that fellow I was friends with and try to reconcile. :/

Badjedidude · Dec 24, 2009

Answer to thread question (for me): I'm an ass.

Simple as that. I have high standards for myself and I put even higher standard requirements on my friends. I find that most of my acquaintances are nice, friendly, good people...they just don't measure up to what I expect from a true, close friend. I KNOW my standards are too high, and I myself am sometimes an exception to my own rules (a hypocrite). I do, however, try to meet all of my own standards and for the most part, I do. I give an active ear, I'm fiercely loyal, I do what I say I will do when a friend asks, I talk them through hard times, etc, etc, etc...but I find that no one else really does the same. Failure on their part or my own?

Not very fair, but I just can't seem to move past it. It sabotages every friend-relationship I come near to achieving. That's my problem with getting friends.

----Steve

packyourbags · Dec 24, 2009

Badjedidude said:
Answer to thread question (for me): I'm an ass.

Simple as that. I have high standards for myself and I put even higher standard requirements on my friends. I find that most of my acquaintances are nice, friendly, good people...they just don't measure up to what I expect from a true, close friend. I KNOW my standards are too high, and I myself am sometimes an exception to my own rules (a hypocrite). I do, however, try to meet all of my own standards and for the most part, I do. I give an active ear, I'm fiercely loyal, I do what I say I will do when a friend asks, I talk them through hard times, etc, etc, etc...but I find that no one else really does the same. Failure on their part or my own?

Not very fair, but I just can't seem to move past it. It sabotages every friend-relationship I come near to achieving. That's my problem with getting friends.

----Steve

idk. it doesn't sound like you are an ass, it sounds like you just don't want acquaintances, but true friends. and as to on whose part is the failure - i would be hesitant to place blame, especially on you, since it could just be that you did not find the right people yet.

and i would say it IS fair, it just makes your task of finding them that much harder.

(hugs)

i hope you will find them. having a true friend is worth all the years of waiting and looking for them.

Badjedidude · Dec 24, 2009

Well, I can't let myself be blameless here...There really are moments when I should either lessen my strict hold on my standards or drop them for certain people, but I don't. That's my fault and it's a missed opportunity--unfair to them and painful for me.

But thanks for saying that. It's nice to hear every once in a while...that a true friend could be right around the next corner, and all the better for the years of searching. I just lose sight of that sometimes, I guess. ^_^

----Steve

Twitchy · Dec 24, 2009

Badjedidude said:
Answer to thread question (for me): I'm an ass.

As I am a multiple gold medal winner of the ass olympics, you seem to have a long way to go before reaching professional ass status. I wouldn't worry.

Badjedidude · Dec 24, 2009

Lol well thanks.

----Steve

packyourbags · Dec 24, 2009

Twitchy said:
Badjedidude said:

Answer to thread question (for me): I'm an ass.

Click to expand...

As I am a multiple gold medal winner of the ass olympics, you seem to have a long way to go before reaching professional ass status. I wouldn't worry.

LOL XD that was HILLARIOUS, thanks for making my morning fun XD

Splenda-Kills said:
packyourbags said:

LOL XD

you are awesome and well. idk - i guess there will be alot of people that will need to perform the second action on :/ but then - we don't care about those XD

(hug) you are a darling (hug)

Click to expand...

Aw, thanks. -hug-

I still think the foot insertion would be funny to watch though
Now that I think on it, I wonder if I should go back to that fellow I was friends with and try to reconcile. :/

i hope you will

friends are too hard to come by to give up easily.
i hope he is worth you though

(hug)

Badjedidude said:
Well, I can't let myself be blameless here...There really are moments when I should either lessen my strict hold on my standards or drop them for certain people, but I don't. That's my fault and it's a missed opportunity--unfair to them and painful for me.

But thanks for saying that. It's nice to hear every once in a while...that a true friend could be right around the next corner, and all the better for the years of searching. I just lose sight of that sometimes, I guess. ^_^

----Steve

i don't think that would work anyway. you can't lessen your standards without becoming someone else. as long as you are you - those will be your requirements, and pretending does not work. not for longterm.

(hugs)

don't lose sight, or hope. it happens. i know that for a fact.

Splenda-Kills · Dec 24, 2009

Badjedidude said:
Answer to thread question (for me): I'm an ass.

Simple as that. I have high standards for myself and I put even higher standard requirements on my friends. I find that most of my acquaintances are nice, friendly, good people...they just don't measure up to what I expect from a true, close friend. I KNOW my standards are too high, and I myself am sometimes an exception to my own rules (a hypocrite). I do, however, try to meet all of my own standards and for the most part, I do. I give an active ear, I'm fiercely loyal, I do what I say I will do when a friend asks, I talk them through hard times, etc, etc, etc...but I find that no one else really does the same. Failure on their part or my own?

Not very fair, but I just can't seem to move past it. It sabotages every friend-relationship I come near to achieving. That's my problem with getting friends.

----Steve

Oho. If you're an ass, I must be a mega ass. Your standards for a true friend might equal my standards for someone to be of "buddy" or "distant friend" status. I have one hell of a criteria that people would hate to meet in order to become a "true friend".
I think your standards are what should be the norm. Like Shade said, you'll just have a god awful time trying to find someone who fits in as "all of the above".
I personally have very little faith in finding myself a true friend.

packyourbags · Dec 24, 2009

Splenda-Kills said:
Badjedidude said:

Answer to thread question (for me): I'm an ass.

Simple as that. I have high standards for myself and I put even higher standard requirements on my friends. I find that most of my acquaintances are nice, friendly, good people...they just don't measure up to what I expect from a true, close friend. I KNOW my standards are too high, and I myself am sometimes an exception to my own rules (a hypocrite). I do, however, try to meet all of my own standards and for the most part, I do. I give an active ear, I'm fiercely loyal, I do what I say I will do when a friend asks, I talk them through hard times, etc, etc, etc...but I find that no one else really does the same. Failure on their part or my own?

Not very fair, but I just can't seem to move past it. It sabotages every friend-relationship I come near to achieving. That's my problem with getting friends.

----Steve

Click to expand...

Oho. If you're an ass, I must be a mega ass. Your standards for a true friend might equal my standards for someone to be of "buddy" or "distant friend" status. I have one hell of a criteria that people would hate to meet in order to become a "true friend".
I think your standards are what should be the norm. Like Shade said, you'll just have a god awful time trying to find someone who fits in as "all of the above".
I personally have very little faith in finding myself a true friend.

what are your standarts?
i can relate, but don't lose hope, i have pretty high standards too, and i have found some people that met them, with ease

Splenda-Kills · Dec 24, 2009

packyourbags said:
what are your standarts?
i can relate, but don't lose hope, i have pretty high standards too, and i have found some people that met them, with ease

*o* Lucky!

Well, here are my standards (not necessarily in order)

Loyal, honest, straightforward, refreshing, likeable, talkative (otherwise no conversation would be made **but needs to shut up when I need someone to listen to me), able to put up with my blunt honesty, emotionally stable to at least some extent (because I'm not), will not converse with me about religion, politics, or my weight, does not feel uncomfortable about blunt sexual humor, enjoys a candid personality, won't scream at me for calling 'em up in the middle of the night (unless this person happens to be getting some action when I call), a little old fashioned, frugal, will just accept that my likes and dislikes contradict each other terribly, loves video games, nerdy, and hates rap as much as I do.

It would be a bonus if this person has one quality or talent that truly perks my interest.

I may have forgotten a few standards as well.

Ah, and this person must not be attracted to me in any way, shape, or form!!
An attraction towards me would put this person in the "Request for romance" status and there's a whole other (and larger) criteria for that.

packyourbags · Dec 24, 2009

Splenda-Kills said:
packyourbags said:

what are your standarts?
i can relate, but don't lose hope, i have pretty high standards too, and i have found some people that met them, with ease

Click to expand...

*o* Lucky!

Well, here are my standards (not necessarily in order)

Loyal, honest, straightforward, refreshing, likeable, talkative (otherwise no conversation would be made), able to put up with my blunt honesty, emotionally stable to at least some extent (because I'm not), will not converse with me about religion, politics, or my weight, does not feel uncomfortable about blunt sexual humor, enjoys a candid personality, won't scream at me for calling 'em up in the middle of the night (unless this person happens to be getting some action when I call), a little old fashioned, frugal, will just accept that my likes and dislikes contradict each other terribly, and hates rap as much as I do.

It would be a bonus if this person has one quality or talent that truly perks my interest.

I may have forgotten a few standards as well.

Ah, and this person must not be attracted to me in any way, shape, or form!!
An attraction towards me would put this person in the "Request for romance" status and there's a whole other (and larger) criteria for that.

lol XD idk - your standards are actually pretty **** great - and reasonable. idk. i think you will find them

(hugs)! and thanks for sharing, of course!
don't lose hope

you will find them. even MY insane standards were met, and for some amazing reason - i met his as well.
so

oh, and any person that hates rap is AWESOME XD i know, i know, i'm evil like that XD

Splenda-Kills · Dec 24, 2009

packyourbags said:
lol XD idk - your standards are actually pretty **** great - and reasonable. idk. i think you will find them

(hugs)! and thanks for sharing, of course!
don't lose hope you will find them. even MY insane standards were met, and for some amazing reason - i met his as well.
so

oh, and any person that hates rap is AWESOME XD i know, i know, i'm evil like that XD

Kekeke, I'm right there with ya. I hate rap with a burning passion made of fire and brimstone.

packyourbags · Dec 24, 2009

Splenda-Kills said:
packyourbags said:

lol XD idk - your standards are actually pretty **** great - and reasonable. idk. i think you will find them

(hugs)! and thanks for sharing, of course!
don't lose hope you will find them. even MY insane standards were met, and for some amazing reason - i met his as well.
so

oh, and any person that hates rap is AWESOME XD i know, i know, i'm evil like that XD

Click to expand...

Kekeke, I'm right there with ya. I hate rap with a burning passion made of fire and brimstone.

LOL XD

Infexis · Dec 24, 2009

1. Welcome to ALL, Splenda x3
2. Rap </3
3. Sorry, once again. =p
4. I think you should go reconcile(?) with that friend of yours, I think he have some stuff to say. Maybe some begging too, ya' never know.
5. Back on topic; I only need one person; a mate. Other than that I don't want anyone else.

Why do you feel it is hard to make/keep friends?

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

Well-known member

Active member

Well-known member

Well-known member

Well-known member

Well-known member

Well-known member

Well-known member

Well-known member

Well-known member

Twitchy

Guest

Well-known member

Well-known member

Well-known member

Well-known member

Well-known member

Well-known member

Well-known member

Well-known member

Well-known member

Similar threads

Join the conversation!

Join today and get all the highlights of this community direct to your inbox. It's FREE!