Splenda-Kills
Well-known member
For me, it's my own depression, low self-esteem, and distrust for people. I am very paranoid around people, even my own family. I feel as though people talk behind my back (mind you, I have no real basis for this idea) and while facing me, they may think about how strange I am or how they don't really want to be standing there, listening to me ramble about whatever I may be going on about. Even with tons of reassuring words from said people, I don't trust them. When I get close to a person, I feel that any minute they will turn around and tell me how I'm annoying or how they were just playing with me. Because of that, even when I manage to work myself into a friendship, I always keep one foot out in case I have to run. I just recently shut the door on a friend (albeit online) because of that habit. It shreds me to pieces to know it was completely my own fault. Circumstances made it so that I am rarely connected to society, and with all the household screaming, beating, baby-making, and the lack of having met good people, my impression of people in general is poor. I feel as though I must stay guarded, because anyone who makes friends with me must be trying to fool me. I suppose it comes from the idea that I have no likeable qualities and therefore am unfit to mix in with society.