Friends of the board, this is not a rant as much as it is a declaration of the acceptance of my truth. What I am saying is either an objective fact, or it is how I have experienced and observed my particular reality.
Facts:
I am 36 years old.
I have been divorced for 6 years, and I don’t have kids or a girlfriend.
During these 6 years I have spent nearly every waking moment alone, other than when on public transportation or attending classes at the university I attend.
I have not had sex or physical contact with a woman in any way shape or form for 6 years. I am dead serious.
Everyone in my family is dead, my brother being the only living person I can call ‘family’ and he has a family of his own.
Observations and Experience
I rarely hear a piece of cracker barrel advice that I have not heard in the past, so I won’t detail all the quick fix solutions we all probably hear or have heard.
Look, here is the truth as I know it. When a person reaches a certain age, their opportunities for companionship and friendship start to diminish. I submit this to the audience; I have noticed most persons from their mid 20’s to late 50’s are busy raising a family, and are too wrapped up in their own lives and spouses, and girl/boyfriends to spend any real time with anyone else. Basically I am saying that a person my age usually gets the majority of their social and human contact needs from a spouse or girl/boyfriend. Therefore, they have limited time, or motivation to spend with their single friends, if they have any.
There is only so much a person can do to bring good opportunities into their life. In other words we are not in control of the circumstances that provide us the real opportunity for the things we need in life. The best we can do is to put ourselves in positive situations and hope for the best by trying to make it work for us. But if nothing happens, then at least we tried. There is an urban or modern legend that states we are somehow in control of the things that happen to us. All someone has to do is read the book of Job in the Bible to figure out and to see that so much of our life is not in our control.
If one attends church, volunteers, or even dates occasionally… fine. However here is the hard truth about the situation. These activities are only momentary fixes, that are good while they last, but after an hour or two you are back to where you were before. You still go to sleep alone, eat alone, wake up alone, and spend the majority of your time trying to distract yourself from sinking into depression or to fill the void in your life with work, hobbies, or some other solo activity.
I am not interested or inclined to defend the way I feel or my experience. I personally challenge anyone who can experience real, honest to goodness mind numbing loneliness and not be affected to respond as such.
When I say real loneliness, I refer to spending years alone. Not 6 months, or even a year at a time. Years. Most people never spend this type of time alone until they are elderly, and no one has time for them.
Let's be honest with each other here. Most people, bounce from relationship to relationship, even after a divorce. Honestly, I can't remember how many people I have known that are already having sex or are shacked up with someone during the seperation period before the court appointed divorce even happens for crying out loud.
The type of loneliness I am writing about just doesn’t go away, or get easier, it wears you down.
Facts:
I am 36 years old.
I have been divorced for 6 years, and I don’t have kids or a girlfriend.
During these 6 years I have spent nearly every waking moment alone, other than when on public transportation or attending classes at the university I attend.
I have not had sex or physical contact with a woman in any way shape or form for 6 years. I am dead serious.
Everyone in my family is dead, my brother being the only living person I can call ‘family’ and he has a family of his own.
Observations and Experience
I rarely hear a piece of cracker barrel advice that I have not heard in the past, so I won’t detail all the quick fix solutions we all probably hear or have heard.
Look, here is the truth as I know it. When a person reaches a certain age, their opportunities for companionship and friendship start to diminish. I submit this to the audience; I have noticed most persons from their mid 20’s to late 50’s are busy raising a family, and are too wrapped up in their own lives and spouses, and girl/boyfriends to spend any real time with anyone else. Basically I am saying that a person my age usually gets the majority of their social and human contact needs from a spouse or girl/boyfriend. Therefore, they have limited time, or motivation to spend with their single friends, if they have any.
There is only so much a person can do to bring good opportunities into their life. In other words we are not in control of the circumstances that provide us the real opportunity for the things we need in life. The best we can do is to put ourselves in positive situations and hope for the best by trying to make it work for us. But if nothing happens, then at least we tried. There is an urban or modern legend that states we are somehow in control of the things that happen to us. All someone has to do is read the book of Job in the Bible to figure out and to see that so much of our life is not in our control.
If one attends church, volunteers, or even dates occasionally… fine. However here is the hard truth about the situation. These activities are only momentary fixes, that are good while they last, but after an hour or two you are back to where you were before. You still go to sleep alone, eat alone, wake up alone, and spend the majority of your time trying to distract yourself from sinking into depression or to fill the void in your life with work, hobbies, or some other solo activity.
I am not interested or inclined to defend the way I feel or my experience. I personally challenge anyone who can experience real, honest to goodness mind numbing loneliness and not be affected to respond as such.
When I say real loneliness, I refer to spending years alone. Not 6 months, or even a year at a time. Years. Most people never spend this type of time alone until they are elderly, and no one has time for them.
Let's be honest with each other here. Most people, bounce from relationship to relationship, even after a divorce. Honestly, I can't remember how many people I have known that are already having sex or are shacked up with someone during the seperation period before the court appointed divorce even happens for crying out loud.
The type of loneliness I am writing about just doesn’t go away, or get easier, it wears you down.