Lionheart11
New member
- Joined
- Dec 30, 2009
- Messages
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Hi, so ive been alone for a lot of my life upto now, this is mainly due to being ill, and being overweight due to being ill, ive finally been diagnosed so am hoping to get better slowly, but will take a long while. And im slowly losing weight tho this is limited by being ill stopping me doing exercise....
The problem im having is the crushing inevitability of death, a few years ago, i lost both my grandmothers in the same year, and since then its been on my mind a lot, i have a very strange brain, that can do a lot of things at once, and also im very empathic and have a very good imagination, all this adds together to allow me to see things with real clarity. And i find death terryfying,i am not religious, but it makes me realise why people invent religion in order to cope with the crushing inevitability that one day everyone i love will cease to exhist utterly, or i will die, and put some1 who cares about me through the same torture. It just feels like its something i cant get past, the idea that were gone and everything we were is lost.
My life upto now has been pretty empty as i have said...(im 26). My disease makes me miserable, im overweight, and how much i can work is limited tho im not state supported at all, i dont earn much at all, not even enough to get my own place, on the good side, im kind hearted, thoughtful, empathic(which is a curse in some ways too) but i feel atm i would see no reason to curse anyone with a relationship with me, and even if i did meet some1, theres the whole, crushing inevitable sadness that will come for some1. Add to this my imagination meaning im looking for something perfect that doesnt exhist.
Its not just about people i know either, the thought that theres all those people out there, who have no family, and live there lives alone makes me sad deep inside especially at christmas. And im finding it impossible to push out of my mind, add to that global warming, the stupidity of massed human beings, and the creulties of the world, and as in title, my intelligence is killing me, i think about a lot of things at the same time constantly, i cant shut them out, and i feel like it is wearing me down, so here i am, trying to find answers. Ive tried to explain, not sure how clear it is, im also dyslexic so im not the easiest communicator. Its probably hard to understand...
The problem im having is the crushing inevitability of death, a few years ago, i lost both my grandmothers in the same year, and since then its been on my mind a lot, i have a very strange brain, that can do a lot of things at once, and also im very empathic and have a very good imagination, all this adds together to allow me to see things with real clarity. And i find death terryfying,i am not religious, but it makes me realise why people invent religion in order to cope with the crushing inevitability that one day everyone i love will cease to exhist utterly, or i will die, and put some1 who cares about me through the same torture. It just feels like its something i cant get past, the idea that were gone and everything we were is lost.
My life upto now has been pretty empty as i have said...(im 26). My disease makes me miserable, im overweight, and how much i can work is limited tho im not state supported at all, i dont earn much at all, not even enough to get my own place, on the good side, im kind hearted, thoughtful, empathic(which is a curse in some ways too) but i feel atm i would see no reason to curse anyone with a relationship with me, and even if i did meet some1, theres the whole, crushing inevitable sadness that will come for some1. Add to this my imagination meaning im looking for something perfect that doesnt exhist.
Its not just about people i know either, the thought that theres all those people out there, who have no family, and live there lives alone makes me sad deep inside especially at christmas. And im finding it impossible to push out of my mind, add to that global warming, the stupidity of massed human beings, and the creulties of the world, and as in title, my intelligence is killing me, i think about a lot of things at the same time constantly, i cant shut them out, and i feel like it is wearing me down, so here i am, trying to find answers. Ive tried to explain, not sure how clear it is, im also dyslexic so im not the easiest communicator. Its probably hard to understand...