Being intelligent is killing me. Need help

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Lionheart11

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Hi, so ive been alone for a lot of my life upto now, this is mainly due to being ill, and being overweight due to being ill, ive finally been diagnosed so am hoping to get better slowly, but will take a long while. And im slowly losing weight tho this is limited by being ill stopping me doing exercise....

The problem im having is the crushing inevitability of death, a few years ago, i lost both my grandmothers in the same year, and since then its been on my mind a lot, i have a very strange brain, that can do a lot of things at once, and also im very empathic and have a very good imagination, all this adds together to allow me to see things with real clarity. And i find death terryfying,i am not religious, but it makes me realise why people invent religion in order to cope with the crushing inevitability that one day everyone i love will cease to exhist utterly, or i will die, and put some1 who cares about me through the same torture. It just feels like its something i cant get past, the idea that were gone and everything we were is lost.

My life upto now has been pretty empty as i have said...(im 26). My disease makes me miserable, im overweight, and how much i can work is limited tho im not state supported at all, i dont earn much at all, not even enough to get my own place, on the good side, im kind hearted, thoughtful, empathic(which is a curse in some ways too) but i feel atm i would see no reason to curse anyone with a relationship with me, and even if i did meet some1, theres the whole, crushing inevitable sadness that will come for some1. Add to this my imagination meaning im looking for something perfect that doesnt exhist.

Its not just about people i know either, the thought that theres all those people out there, who have no family, and live there lives alone makes me sad deep inside especially at christmas. And im finding it impossible to push out of my mind, add to that global warming, the stupidity of massed human beings, and the creulties of the world, and as in title, my intelligence is killing me, i think about a lot of things at the same time constantly, i cant shut them out, and i feel like it is wearing me down, so here i am, trying to find answers. Ive tried to explain, not sure how clear it is, im also dyslexic so im not the easiest communicator. Its probably hard to understand...
 
1. You're not the only person with a big brain that can do stuff; but what a waste it is not to use it properly.
2. Stop obsessing about things you can't change - accept you can't change those things and move on.
3. Having a total focus on others and the world is your mind's defence mechanism creating a barrier to prevent you focusing on yourself - which is NOT selfish - you can't help anyone/anything until you sort YOURSELF out, then you can do what needs to be done outside yourself. Focus on YOU first, get that sorted, THEN focus on the rest.
4. It doesn't feel like it, but at 26 your life is just beginning, not ending, unless you keep going as you have been doing, which wouldn't be so intelligent would it? So resolve today to change for the better for a better future.

The voice of experience speaks to you, so choose to ignore it if you can't face it, but the above points of truth are the best you'll get.
 
There's many copping skills or different ways you can percieve or process.
For me personally the fear of death kind of rule my life for many years...

I've struggle wiht loosing love ones through death and it's not an easy thing.
At the sametime it showed me that life is preciouse and I shouldn't take anything for granted...
Bascailly that's where I am at...I force myself or tell myself to be happy everyday.
There's a country song I used to listen to...it's call "live like you're dying"

After Jenni's death I felt a lot of regrets. I took for grated that she would still be alive.
So...that's pretty much why I am the way I am today...
I'm not afriad to tell and show the once that I love I love them anymore.
I don't regret it. I don't live in guilt nor shame anymore.
Life is too short...

It's a consious decision and effort I make at the core...
Every day as I awaken...this is what comes to me NOW..
Make a decision to be happy no matter what.
Though out my day..thought of fears or whatever would enter my mind..
I simply just let go of them and be in a state of peace again.
The more I practice doing it...the more natural it became for me...
Kind of like breaking old programing habits.

There's also a living tool that a lot of people use..Live one day at a time, one moment at a time....
All we have is today and that's all we're ever going to have is right here, right now.
Every moment we live is always in the NOW. There's a book I read it's call "the power of the NOW"

I bascailly got over that fear from a simple statement of there's nothing to fear but fear itself.
Fear of death is a built in survival instink...

As bornmisfit stated it was more of an obsession thing with me.
I did a lot of reserch on phycology and how the brain function.
It's kind of like gettting to know myself. Bascailly our consiouse brain was design to resovle problems...
however no one really know what's going to happen in the future...that's why the brian gose into
obsession mode trying to resolve something that has infinite posiblities.
Yeah...religion or whomever.(the living)..tries to figure out the after life or after death..
Well..the truth of the matter is...no one, not even the pope himself knows what it's like to be dead...
And they be making promises and stuff...They don't know whats going to happen anymore than you and I do.
It's like a mistery...without mistery..there's no religion.

Medition helped me a lot. The process of meditation is bascailly letting go of your thoughts...
Don't fight it , push it aside, control it or have an opinion about it.
Bascailly embrace your thoughts and just observe it as if it's a passing parade.
Gradually my mind came to rest becuase it wasn't trying to figure anything out anymore.
Once that happened I became more aware of the presence moment...not what's in my head.
Once I am in the moment there's peace...bascailly my head or brain creates problems so it
can try to resolve those problems..lol
It took me a while to practice it...but after a couple weeks...graudually I became more
aware of the moment...So basically I'm living in a meditated state.

Bascailly a lot of teachings I came across has the same principles..
In the course of mirracle...the first lesson is " my thoughts are meaning less"

In the Sedona Methdoe...bascially it's the samething.
I listen practiced and appled this program for a couple months ..just so it would
become a habit...I'm not perfect at it...but I catch myself faster and faster.
Over and over again...it tells you to not figure anything out..then just LET GO
Basically...LET GO of your feelings and thoughts of fears too.
Or embrace your thoughts and emotions...drive right into it. Once you process
it...there's peace, love beyound the fears. So it's baascailly like observing
my thoughts and feelings as meditation
Bascailly it gets me to the same piont of living and being in a state of peace
without anytype of religious or spiritual over tone.
 
I'm not religious, I might be kind of 'spiritual', but I really don't think people can know about this, and I think it's most likely that after you die the conscious part of you won't exist anymore. I'm not scared of death at all. After you die, you can't be happy about anything anymore, or sad, or regret something, or wish you have done something differently, or that you had lived longer; there's no one to think it, there's no one to feel those feelings, there's no you. How can you fear death in the light of this? Live your live to be as happy as you can, then die and be unable to reflect on how well you did.

You don't need any meditation, philosophy or higher purpose, it's all good the way it is.
 
I really like the way cs5 put it. I had a weird revelation the other day about my life. I've always wanted to be something great, or felt this huge need to "accomplish something". I think about death alot and how horribly depressing it is that when I die I simply just won't exist.

The other day though i was just standing outside smoking a cig and this calmness came over me. As if i've spent so much of my life worrying about things that ultimately don't matter or were forgotten soon after anyway. Spent so much time focusing on what or trying to be whatever it was i felt i needed to be. When the simple truth of it is... the only thing you have to do is live... and you don't even have to do that if you don't want to.

Life is simply beautiful, even in it's allowance for horrible things to happen. I truelly do not see a grand design or a creator when i sum up all the perceptions i've expierenced through out my life. I see this mistake that nobody will ever truelly figure out.

Anyway, I'm quite scared of death myself, I've tried killing myself obviously without success and often wonder why I was forced to be stuck with a mind that seemed to be so much more succluded in it's depth. I think death ultimately shouldn't be feared though even though i do. I fear the pain more then the dying, really. However, isn't it funny when your dead you won't even remember the pain because you won't exist to have a memmory of it? We wouldn't be very usefull as beings though if we had no drive to survive or fear not to die, we would go extinct.

Anyway, i think death is neccessary, it's a form of forgetting. You are who you are, but ultimately what you truelly are is much bigger than yourself. It is quite perplexing though, even this earth will die and humanity won't exist anymore eventually. I feel though that death is about the rebirth. I beleive we are all truelly something much larger that just forgot. When we die we will remember and then can choose or perhaps have no choice in what way and when we return.

Ultimately, if you can read this you exist, and you will someday not exist. What better a reason to enjoy life as fully as possible. I wish i could follow my own words as i don't enjoy life very much and things arn't so great, but i think in the end the best answer is death. No eternity could possibly hold whatever ultimate answer anyone may be looking for, and if it did, wuldn't that be a death in itself? Is not the beauty of the universe in it's eternal enigma?

Death will come whether you think about it or not...Perhaps the only reason you decided to be who you are is to suffer exactly what your suffering. An eternal being with a nature of infinity would most likely choose to expierence ALL that it possibly could rather then limit itself to one finite choosen "best" expierence.

http://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=8018

that link basically explains what my beliefe is. it's kind of satiracle as you can tell, but aside from the animal reference comedy and what not. It basically sums up the best answer i could come up with after years of seeking for answers.

your going to die, life is strange and often cruel, but oh what a joy when it isn't...
 
Hey Lionheart. I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. I can definitely relate to much of it. I'm not sure what to say other than "don't give up!". If you feel like talking to someone, about this or anything else, you're more than welcome to send me a message. :)
 
watch a lot of reality tv that'll dumb you down about 20iq points daily

:)

*hugs*
 

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