Do you not fit in? If so then why? Or is it that you don't like people; why? Is there some other reason? I'm interested to know.
Personally I've never fitted in. For some reason I was born misfit. When I was a small child I had a highly developed mind that was much more like the way an adult thinks, so I couldn't relate to the other kids at all and spent my entire childhood pretending to fit in so I'd be accepted; but it was all fake on my part. As I got older I felt more and more detached from the human race in general, almost as though I was alien on this planet, because no-one seemed to be like me at all, and I've never been able to understand or connect with human motivations, or greed, or violence, or why people do what they do, or even why they're so obsessed with TV soap operas and other mundanities. I can only relate to the deeper feelings; the love, compassion, joy, etc, which I've always felt so much more strongly than ordinary people. All this is why I'm a loner; I simply can't related to, or connect with, the human race or society in general - it feels like poison to me and so I avoid it - I feel more content away from it. I have certainly had a few very special dear friends (and husband) in the past who were also like me, so I know I can form deep bonds with my kindred, but we're very rare, so currently I know no-one. But it's not so bad. Personally I prefer to be alone rather than have to cope with dealing with non-kindred 'friends' in my life, as I find it very stressful and I have to be fake, otherwise they find me too freaky. So please explain why YOU are a loner? Thanks for sharing.
speech impediment when i was younger, that didnt become manageable until i was in 5th grade. anxiety caused me to talk to fast and didnt pronounce words properly. i talked a lot as a kid too.
jehovah witnesses until the age of 9 when i moved. didnt associate with worldly children, only other kids from the religion. didnt celebrate holidays... school sucked, not making friends cause i wasnt allowed, being pulled out of class for speech therapy and tutoring, not participating in holiday events.
moved... no friends, at all.
i was pretty popular after two years from the move though. but then the teen years started. oh my... lol
My story is very similar to that of BornMisfit. My case was aggravated by the fact that I grew up far out in the countryside, which more or less isolated me for the first two decades of my life and caused me to develop no social skills whatsoever. Unlike BornMisfit I was never able to fake being "normal", so school was a terror. I'm fairly content being alone most of the time, but my inability to relate to other people is of course a hindrance in the inevitable situations where I have to deal with them. I've become better at faking, but I don't have the energy to do it for longer than say half an hour or so.
wasnt allowed to go to friends houses when i was younger due to my physical disability, had surgeries every summer as a child. It's just snowballed from there I think.
Now I'm afraid of people hurting me and I dont know how to connect to people offline.
12-31-2009, 03:03 AM
(This post was last modified: 12-31-2009, 03:05 AM by Punisher.)
(12-31-2009, 02:55 AM)SophiaGrace Wrote: wasnt allowed to go to friends houses when i was younger due to my physical disability, had surgeries every summer as a child. It's just snowballed from there I think.
Now I'm afraid of people hurting me and I dont know how to connect to people offline.
I wasn't allowed out either, but I don't know why.
I wasn't allowed to talk much when my dad was around, and my eldest brother kept that going after he died, so I learned to be quiet and I'm still the same today. I don't really know how to be around people and be comfortable.
I'm not exactly sure but I think there's a couple reasons.. I have light Tourette's Syndrome, now that I'm older you wouldn't notice but as a child in elementary school I was made fun of for that sometimes, not that much though. I think it was just enough to keep me from really becoming popular, you know, I did have friends but they weren't very close, and I didn't properly learn to be social and everything.
As a result, I didn't have friends in high school for the first couple of years. People generally think I'm nice though, so I got along with people pretty well. The problem was that I didn't do anything with em outside of school, and still don't, because they're just not really friends, just people I hang out with at school.
And I didn't do much else either outside school, apart from sports, and I've somehow never found someone I really liked in a sports team I was in.
So.. I guess that's one reason, I just never did much. And it's probably also because of this that I'm now really shy, and therefore still don't do anything.
Other reason is that I have depression, also because of lack of contact and some other things. It's kind of a vicious circle. And lastly there is that I'm really picky and that I don't mind being alone that much compared to others. I still do though :S
I have always been different from the rest. I can help friends through stuff but I am always looking at it from the outside. No matter what I do to get onto the other side of the fence I always end up tripping and falling on my face. I hold all of this inside of me. No one around me actually realizes what I go through. They see the smile on my face but not the warring emotions within. People call me cool. They think I have a handle on everything. I put on a mask for everyone to see. No one has seen through it although some have gotten faint glimpses. I have to fake that that's true because there is no one else that they can hold onto as an example. So I have to fake my strength so that my sisters can be strong and so that my friends do not lose hope. That is all my life ever seems to be.
I feel that even if I can get a relationship I can hold onto it. It wouldn't be fair to whoever that girl is. I can't always be there. When I go into the military I do not want some poor girl back home waiting for a letter saying that I'm sorry but I'm not coming back. I will not put any woman I care about through that. It is better if they think me a jerk and a lone wolf that to hurt them. I do not fear my death. I don't want anyone else to either. For this I walk alone. Its just better for everyone involved.
Only in the Dark can we see the stars
In my early childhood I was a hell of a lot more social than later, starting with the teen years. I still can't understand what caused it to change. Granted, I was constantly teased at school because of wearing glasses, and I really took it to heart back then, maybe that's when I started to lose my confidence. I always had a very strong need for friends, but real, very close friends, with whom I would resonate, bit of the 'soulmate' stuff you know, not just any generic bunch of pals. I had, or I thought I had one at school, but she kind of dumped me for another, cooler one, later. I had another very good friend later in the university, but now we rarely ever see each other, it's not really the same as before. Strangely, both of them are extremely social, a total opposite of me in this respect. And yet, with the second friend especially, it felt so right, like we just fit together so well. Currently, I have a couple of friends here and there, but not that close and we never hang out together or anything. And I feel so damn lonely because of it. It's no use pretending I don't need anyone because I do. But it's hard to make new friends, those with whom I would 'click' are rare, I was lucky to have any before. They were all somewhat on the 'weird', geeky side, what else would you expect from someone who used to read every book relating to astronomy or the paranormal as a young kid?
I'm rather socially awkward, though not as shy as before, and I can keep up a 'normal' conversation when it's my lucky day, but it's nearly always a tough work, no relaxation whatsoever. In truth, I hate small talk and regular convo stuff (about job, money and such) with a passion, I just make attempts at it to come off as normal. Notice I didn't mention anything about a relationship? That is another weird-ass thing about me, as long as I got friends I care about, I don't even think twice about a boyfriend. In fact, that is the only thing I actually want a boyfriend for - to be my best friend and soulmate. Not for sex and certainly not for making children. It's not very likely I'll meet such a person though I guess while one is alive, there is hope.
I think it all began in elementary/middle school. I was hyper and a class clown before then but around the time I became really shy and reserved... probably due to weight gain and a horrible fashion sense. Picture a really pudgy kid with a bowl cut in nylon gym pants and WWF attitude t-shirts (This is all I'd wear.) I was made fun of some but for the most part I was just ostracized. This predicament fueled so many problems I still deal with today... lack of feeling like a "sexual being", low self esteem, extreme self-awareness, hypersensitivity, inability to feel like apart of a group of people, etc.
I have discovered through practice that loners have several attributes present, and heavily promoted from within their psyche:
1. A superiority complex.
2. Deprived of meaningful social interaction during formative years.
3. Having experienced a traumatic pyschological event/s during formative years.
4. Having a desire to remain isolated due to familiarity.