Wasted my life to loneliness?

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Peaches

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Hello everybody, perhaps you can help.
I am 37 years old, and I have been horribly lonely most of my life. I moved many times for work etc, I spent a few (very lonely) years in a bed after an accident, since a year or so i am fine but the little social skills that I had before are now nonexistent. I am good at making superficial acquaintances, but for some reason people never call me out. I wish I could pay some people who don't like me that much to understand how I look from the outside, I d do everything (except deny who I am and what I believe in) to have a bit more company, and I am not even talking about a boyfriend (that s another sad long story), just some more friends.
What kind of therapist could I look for, to help me with that?
I am getting a real depression.
The interesting thing is that from the outside I look like one of those "successful" people, not too ugly (that s not my personal feeling, but what I m told), nice clothes, smart, just got a decent job, perhaps too cultured, honest, I really try to be nice without being pushy, and really try to hide my despair, but perhaps people can smell that just the same, and they run, and I am perfectly alone, apart from some good friends in other cities that I never see and some acquaintances. What can I do to be loved a bit more?
Wow, how pathetic. Forgive the long post, I just feel I have wasted my life.
 
Get out there, Join clubs, Hit the gym. Try some night classes in things that interest you like maybe art? join some sports. Heck even a book club. It's all good stuff. Or if you have some pent up aggression check out this



It's roller derby league's and i've heard girls of all ages just rave about it. It's not only for young girls. I know you may laugh about that ha but you could view it as adventure.
 
Your not pathetic at all, I'm in the same situation as you aside from the fact that I live with family so don't have the loneliness only boredom.

Finding friends isn't easy for people like us, I look at my brother and sister who seem to have friends coming out of their ears and wonder how the hell did I get to be the odd one out.

I've had these problems since I was in school and there's nothing I can do about it to change it.

It used to really hurt me that I was friendless and I felt pathetic definately dented my self esteem and confidence where I had none at all and my social skills were appalling.

The only thing we can do is keep going and hope that someone gives us a break.
 
Thank you so much!
// Get out there, Join clubs, Hit the gym. Try some night classes in things that interest you like maybe art? join some sports. Heck even a book club. It's all good stuff. Or if you have some pent up aggression check out this/// Roller derby is cool!

in fact I already started meditation classes, yoga, gym, salsa dancing, for a total of one activity each day, apart from the office :) but some days it seems like there is an invisible barrier between me and the people, and I just can't reach out and nobody sees me, and some other days it feels like I am (unconsciously) warning people "look, you are really better off without knowing me" (god knows why). Crazy, isn't it?

Did you do any kind of work on your self esteem, that helped you, and that you'd like to share?

Samba101, what do you mean: the odd one out? in this forum your brother and sister would be the odd ones :)

cheers to you
 
Peaches said:
Thank you so much!
// Get out there, Join clubs, Hit the gym. Try some night classes in things that interest you like maybe art? join some sports. Heck even a book club. It's all good stuff. Or if you have some pent up aggression check out this/// Roller derby is cool!

in fact I already started meditation classes, yoga, gym, salsa dancing, for a total of one activity each day, apart from the office :) but some days it seems like there is an invisible barrier between me and the people, and I just can't reach out and nobody sees me, and some other days it feels like I am (unconsciously) warning people "look, you are really better off without knowing me" (god knows why). Crazy, isn't it?

Did you do any kind of work on your self esteem, that helped you, and that you'd like to share?

Samba101, what do you mean: the odd one out? in this forum your brother and sister would be the odd ones :)

cheers to you



It's good that you are occupying your time with hobbies, interests etc. That's probably the best thing you can do in order to make new friends.

I won't lie to you, in my experience people are very fickle. One minute they want to know you and want to be your lifetime friend, and the next minute they let you downa dn leave you without a second glance.

What I'm saying is, where people are concerned, don't expect too much as it's easy to get let down. It's happened to me all to frequently.
 
well...at least you're recognizing it or perhaps you're done living like that.
Recognition and admittion is the first step. Since your aware that it was just habits that you develope,
then you're also aware that you can break those habits and develope other habits that you wish to.
Since you know you don't lack anything socail skills..it's just you havn't been practicing it..that's all

You have the rest of your life to do anything that you wish to do....

I'm kind of taking my own advice...:p
Becuase I'm done with a lot of bullshit too. I don't have time for that honeysuckle anymore.
Life is too short and I'm not getting any younger.

I made a decision to be happy today and if other people don't like it...they can kiss my ass.lol
I'm okay with me...yeah hitting bottom is still freashy ingrain in me..The past couple of years was narly..man
fresia that honeysuckle...I can't afrod to go into a depression..Not doing that again.
I'm doing it 5 mins at a time...an hour at time....Doing it oneday at a time is **** long for me.:p
 
When facing this, willpower is important. think about the people you are caring, maybe they will add your courage.
 
Peaches, I'm 42 and I feel the same way. So much time spent alone and depressed. Time that I can never get back.

I'm single and live in the Philadelphia area. If you're close to me, send me a private message and we'll talk.

Brian
 
First , this site wouldnt be as big as it is if we all had it figured out

have you ever heard the fishing analogy for dating?.... If you not casting your not going to catch anything .... some you will throw back some might be keepers

If you see someone your interested in and they are single ask them out ... the worse they will say is no
to many no's in a fishing spot ... move the boat and try a new spot


I recently had a guy tell me the best advice his dad gave him was "dont take a no personally"
 

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