just another man on a quest to find love...

Currently around 20 and still searching for that one special person who can improve my quality of life and drive me to be the best i can be.

I don't really expect many of you to read what I am going to rant about it in the next few paragraphs, but I feel like it is something that I need to get off my chest before it eats me from the inside. I hope that people can relate to my experiences so that we can figure a way to deal with our loneliness and need for love.

Well its some cheesy stuff but here i go....

ever since i got my first crush in elementary. I have been looking for love, but the search has been anything but easy or simple. Shortly after graduating from elementary I went to an all boys school, making finding that soul mate harder than it really was, especially after losing touch with all my elementary school friends. I felt like a missed a part of life that many people would cherish in the future, like missing prom because I had no date or meeting that high school sweetheart that I will end up marrying.

During my high school career i did find someone special, but it was difficult to express my love for her because if she didnt feel the same way and I lost her, there would be no one as special as her in my life. during the duration we were friends, I couldn't be happier and the days where i would have an opportunity to see her would go by so fast. Moments with her were probably the happiest and most memorable in my life. But in the end, what i feared the most happened and I lost the only girl in my life that mattered to me. I guess my fear to tell her my true feelings drove her away and she eventually stopped talking to me without giving a word of warning. It had plagued me for many years and I had tried anything to replace a person like her. I tried forcing it by going into relationships where I didnt love the other and it only ended up hurting the both of us. Now everything I do is motivated by finding that special person and love.

After moving onto university, I felt like it was a fresh start. I did find someone special and it was another one of the happiest moments of my life. The world around me seemed like a better place, I was able to wake up with a smile on my face instead of pressing the snooze button trying to avoid the realities of life. Time seemed to fly by when I spent time with her and time leading up to see her would go by much faster. Most importantly I wanted to be the best i could be. Little did i know that she only saw it as a fling and that I saw more. Gathering all the strength and courage I had, I finally did not fear getting rejected for the first time because she felt like the right one. So I told her how I felt and she responding with an "i like you, but idk how much". The next few months our fling started to turn to dust and everything that we had only ended up being memories in my mind.

The following months led to depression because I found it so hard to find someone special. Only two people stood out in my mind as ppl that i loved and cared about and I lost them. Now I have gotten better, but I do experience days where random things just trigger thoughts about love and relationships and it leads to sadness, ruining my mood for whatever I am doing.

These days I feel like I found someone special, but she already has someone in her life. Which leads me to wonder what the blessed men who have a significant other in their life have that I don't. I wonder what will make myself stand out of a sea of men who are looking for that special girl.

I feel like i'm in a dilemma. I feel disadvantage. I am not physically superior, but I am just an average sized man. I don't have great relationship experience. Might as well say practically none because I haven't been in a relationship where i love the person or have the person love me the way I love them. I think i still fear rejection. I struggle on asking ppl out on a date....so if someone can help me out here lol. I just feel lost in general and fear not having anyone in my life in the future or even marrying the wrong person because I haven't experienced enough relationships to know what girl i really want in my life. Until i meet the right person, I feel that I will never be satisfied or as happy as I ever was before.

If you read anywhere past the second paragraph i thank you for taking your time to read my problems. I hope that I can get some advice for my problems and to help others with their problems.

hey ?eust love

welcome to the forum


ouch

i'm really sorry you had some bad experiences

it is hard

so many of us long for that special someone, or maybe even just a someone

you are not thee first one to feel the pangs of unrequited love and i know that you will not be the last

i know that someone out there can see you not just an average man, but a kind and beautiful soul

and I pray that you can find them and that things work out

but from the wisdom of foamy the squriell that i often need to remind myself of as well

we should not define ourselves just by being single or in a relationship you don't need a girlfriend to be happy or to live a fullfilling live

you don't need a relationship to define who you are, and you seem like a really good person

and i hope that you can find a girl but more importantly i hope that you can be happy

*Hugs*

Well, you're right about needing to "shop around" a little bit and experience different women. Lots of guys don't do that and they "fall in love" with the first woman to like them that crosses their path, and after 8 years and 2 kids....well, you get the picture. Wifey realizes she's not with the man she thought she wanted, man realizes same...etc etc etc. So YES, definitely don't give up on the dating scene!

Every guy fears rejection to some extent, even the uber-hunks. But don't let that stop you. Women have their own interests, too. There IS, for a FACT, a woman out there who would love to be with you...and the only way to find her is to search.

I do NOT, however, agree about not being happy unless you're with somsone. WRONG! If you think that having a deep, long-term relationship is going to magically fix your unhappiness and somehow fix your life, you're mistaken. Unless you can be happy alone, you won't be able to be happy with someone else. Loneliness can be lessened and even stopped by having a girl, but happiness can't.

A relationship is like the English Channel. A flirty, mostly-sex, high-school-type "love" is like dipping your feet into the water...it's fun, but no real deepness or accomplishment. A long-term relationship (such as a marriage) is like swimming across the channel. It's going to hurt like hell and you may die doing it...there will be amazing ups and horrific downs, but in the end you'll look back and say, "WOW!"

****, that was a long reply for a welcome thread. I hope that helps, and welcome to the site!

----Steve

P.S. I've been haunting the site all day to do this: HAPPY 200th POST TO ME!!! YEAH!!! XD

Welcome to ALL ?uest Love. I hope you find some answers here.

Wow..couldn`t agree more with Badjedidude, well said, Badge (..with slight nuances of opinion preserved ):

Badjedidude said:

I do NOT, however, agree about not being happy unless you're with somsone. WRONG! If you think that having a deep, long-term relationship is going to magically fix your unhappiness and somehow fix your life, you're mistaken. Unless you can be happy alone, you won't be able to be happy with someone else. Loneliness can be lessened and even stopped by having a girl, but happiness can't.

A relationship is like the English Channel. A flirty, mostly-sex, high-school-type "love" is like dipping your feet into the water...it's fun, but no real deepness or accomplishment. A long-term relationship (such as a marriage) is like swimming across the channel. It's going to hurt like hell and you may die doing it...there will be amazing ups and horrific downs, but in the end you'll look back and say, "WOW!"

Click to expand...

:club:

hey welcome to the forum. Where are you from exactly?

sorry for the late reply, but i've been busy with life lately. thank you all for your replies though. I know that you don't need a relationship to be happy, but i cant seem to let go of the fact that there is something better out there or the fact that I could be much happier than i really am or even be a better person than I am today. Its a fact that is difficult to deal with and I also find myself thinking bout love daily. I can't seem to let go of the feelings that I had and I felt when I believed there was someone in my life. I can't seem to let go of it because I can't find anything quite like those feelings for the time being. I feel like there is no way to love someone until you love yourself, which is something I have been trying to learn and become a person that can live without someone special in their life for the time being. Is there anything I can do or anything that helps me get out of this slump?

and I live in Canada SophiaGrace