I hate myself so much

I'm just wondering if absolutely anyone can relate to how I feel. Most people tend to find someone else to always blame for everything but I always blame myself for everything. Everyone I meet never puts themselves down as much as I do or treats themselves as bad. I guess its from the years of being put down or treated like crap that has made me this way. I always think of others before myself all the time which is what usually makes me happy because I love seeing others feel happy. I hate myself because most people see me as just so ugly, I've never been in a relationship, and most people don't usually find me all that great to be around. I'm usually just shy, quiet, and never have anything to say when talking to people. So I guess those are all factors that make me hate myself because its just so hard to change.Those aren't significant factors enough to hate myself so much so I don't really know what it is. My happiness is dead last compared to other people's happiness when it comes to who wants what. The whole point of this thread is that I want to see if there is anyone that thinks the same way as me. I would be surprised if there was even one person who hates themself as much as I do because I just never see anyone putting themselves down. Its always some outside sources fault instead of their own. I doubt anyone will respond but is there anyone who can relate to such a hatred for themselves?

i think you are very hard on yourself. of course it isnt easy to change your inherent nature. its a part of who you are and i think you have got it right when u say that its years of being put down that has made you like this. you cant change the past, you dont know about the future. all you have is present. now you say you wont find any other person who hates themselves as much as you do. you r wrong buddy. hating yourself for being shy, quiet, reserved and for putting others' ppl's happiness before you...its not worth it. i feel the same sometimes. i mean i'm not an introvert, i make friends easily, i've loads of things to talk about..yet i hate myself sometimes. believe me if you think that other person who is outgoing, always has his foot in his mouth...is popular, extrovert and IS HAPPY...you are wrong. as grass is always greener on the other side..i dont hate myself for being like me...i sometimes hate myself for not being like others. i guess its the same thing for u. its not easy to love yourself in this world. we hate ourselves wen v r not able to bring ourselves to the level of others' happiness...which may be just a false, make-belief. whenever i start feeling lonely, unhappy...i think of the toughness of others' life. i see people who r worse than me. i may b selfish for doing this. but just for sometime i feel good, that i am more fortunate than those people. that i have a better purpose in my life than hating myself for every mistake i make or i dont. if it makes you feel any better, you have a soulmate in me when it comes to hating self...

Well, Remedy, while I'm not in your shoes per se, I do know of a person who has so much self-loathng that I shake my head at it, and here's why...
He is constantly putting himself down and says he is worthless and so forth. He believes that he should always come last when compared to the needs and wants of those around him. What astounds me is, he has some very fine qualities, yet he can't even see them in himself. I feel like he hates himself, but I can't understand why. He is intelligent, funny, caring, etc. yet he feels he's basically honeysuckle and he should always be last. So while I personally don't feel that way about myself, I know of others who do. I wonder if it's all in how you perceive yourself.

I've been like this for a good portion of my life. Not sure where it came from either as I've never really been picked on and generally people have always desired my company, where as I have denied them and preferred just being alone or the company of a close friend. I'm very hard on myself and if something goes wrong I tend to blame myself. Even wildly odd situations where something happens that logically has NOTHING to do with me, I will find some weird almost psychotic way to link that event to have some how been my fault.

Most of the time Anger i direct towards myself is due to not living up to this image of other people. Something I can't seem to do or a way I can't seem to be. I think I should be more like this or more like that or beat myself up for whatever. I'm not sure it affects me the same as it used to as this point in my life I have nearly absolutely zero social contact with anyone except the people i live with (my parents) who'm i barely talk to anyway and can't connect with on any level beyond small talk and simple observations.

Perhaps for me it started with a family problem. When i was a young teen mom left in a divorce so perhaps that left me with an inate feeling of rejection or failure or that it was something i did or something was wrong with me. I've also always had a very low self esteem and such.

I used to joke around I had a metaphorical baseball bat in my head i would occasionaly use to just beat myself senseless with.

I think in reality it has alot to do with poor low self image, perfectionism, and just wanting alot from yourself. Often times It's much easier to deal with other people's problems and keep them happy then it is to do for yourself what makes you comfortable. Feels like you have to wage war just to get what you would want, so it's easier just to please others.

Also to be honest, I can recall times in my life trying to defeat this behavior, only to fail everytime. Maybe it's because people get used to the fact that that's how you are, and when you venture outwards it seems so out of the norm for them or they fight to stay on top.

I'd actually go as far as to say this behavior is responsible for the destruction of my life. If i had stood up for myself, kept higher hopes, not let fear control me. My life would be 10000% better then it is right now.

I guess my best advice would be, you are a good person. You don't have to make other people happy all the time to get approval. Sometimes you must put yourself first even if it means some one else will be inconveinienced. In the end it's YOUR job to be responsible for YOUR happiness right? So remember that next time when you have to put yourself first and you think some one else will be dissapointed... that's THEIR responsibility not yours. Unless it's your job like a therapist or psychiatrist or something to put some one else's needs above yours for an hour for 200$ an hour.

So please if you get anything out of my post, if you are ever in that dark moment and are about to give up and just let someone get their way above you, because your a loser it doesn't matter and you'll just die anyway, think again, becuase life is very beautiful, you are a good person, and sometimes especially in a time of need or a dark hour, YOU MUST come first.

Seriously put some thought into it, becuase i haven't really untill this point and now I see how much better off I would be if I didn't put others before myself so much. It's VERY destructive.

I'm not saying you need to become an unresonable *******, I'm saying, you know that feeling, when you do something for some one reluctantly, well if you keep doing that and let it build and feed that behavior, eventually your self neglect WILL have a very negative impact on your life and in the end you will only have yourself to blame, which you already do enough of anyway right?

So if you feel those feelings of reluctance alot, start not feeding into that. It really does lead down a dark path, maybe not as bad as mine, but I can certainly tell you I could not describe in words how bad i've messed up my life by putting other people first, worrying about other people so much, and not doing what I needed to do for myself. And if your not carefull you may make a decision who's consequences are unchangeable and then your messed and have to live with it.

Are you not the greatest looking person? Who gives a fresia, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I've seen plenty of guys who I thought wuldn't have a girl and did. honeysuckle, I think of myself as half decent looking and i Dont have a girl and half the time when I do it's a horrible situation. Also part of a relationship is being healthy in yourself.

If you project the image of a person who will always be a welcome mat, then your inviting the type of relationship where some one will do nothing but wipe their dirty shoes on you and constantly expect you to be this person who will bend to their will. Also, you will be turning yourself off to the type of women who enjoy a little confidence in their man, I'm not saying you have to be this whole new person, but I am saying sincerely, work on this.

The way you will know when this comes up, is that feeling of reluctance, you know you don't want to, but you don't have the willpower to make your own decision an decide against the situation.

Trust me, feeling bad about letting some one down now and then for the sake of yourself is much healthier, then constantly chipping away at your own self confidence and lively hood repeatedly untill there really is parts of yourself you never can get back. Start making the change now. It's alot worse a behavior then one would let themselves on to beleive.

Also, I'm sure you are quite a decent very caring person, so remember,

I was at a buddhist temple once for school. One of the monks, after asking them a question about if a buddhist monk can stop his own heart from beating, she said "well yes, but work on compassion first" with a bit of a smile at my innocence.
I thought about that quite often, I realized I had alot of compassion and empathy for others, but i had NONE for myself, so how compassionate is that really?

You must come first, before you can ever truelly be strong for others, otherwise your just people pleasing, and it will never be enough for them, becuase they will always expect you to be that way.

Are you going to be a friend that just does whatever other's want so they will like you? Or a friend who is loyal and will be there for some one when they truelly need it, but is strong enough to be healthy in themselves as well so you can be that true strength. Sometimes compassion is also knowing when to say no.

sorry for the long post, but I've REALLY damaged my life ALOT with this behavior, and it's really quite serious. You are a good person, you are beautiful, and don't focus so much on what you are not, focus what you know you are, and strengthen that. Don't keep belittling yourself over and over and pleasing for acceptance... cuz if you do, you may someday get the acceptance of someone you realize later you didn't want to be associated with at all...

Remedy said:

I'm just wondering if absolutely anyone can relate to how I feel. Most people tend to find someone else to always blame for everything but I always blame myself for everything. Everyone I meet never puts themselves down as much as I do or treats themselves as bad. I guess its from the years of being put down or treated like crap that has made me this way. I always think of others before myself all the time which is what usually makes me happy because I love seeing others feel happy. I hate myself because most people see me as just so ugly, I've never been in a relationship, and most people don't usually find me all that great to be around. I'm usually just shy, quiet, and never have anything to say when talking to people. So I guess those are all factors that make me hate myself because its just so hard to change.Those aren't significant factors enough to hate myself so much so I don't really know what it is. My happiness is dead last compared to other people's happiness when it comes to who wants what. The whole point of this thread is that I want to see if there is anyone that thinks the same way as me. I would be surprised if there was even one person who hates themself as much as I do because I just never see anyone putting themselves down. Its always some outside sources fault instead of their own. I doubt anyone will respond but is there anyone who can relate to such a hatred for themselves?

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I can really relate to such a self-hatred...I have a tendency to put myself down a lot and blame myself for a lot ..and I can't seem to control it it's just something that happens in my life.

what good will self-hatred do? Seriously. What good can come of it? Dont hate yourself....

A life of a human being is a miraculous thing. It is universally valued (this is why murder is wrong).

Value/love yourself.

Love your neighbor as you love YOURSELF. You must learn to love yourself before you can love others. For if you dont value yourself, how can others value you? You DO deserve to be valued. Dont let anyone tell you differently, not even yourself.

Remedy said:

I doubt anyone will respond but is there anyone who can relate to such a hatred for themselves?

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Don't even go down the self-hate road. Once you start the engine, you'll find that you're chained to the seat and the brakes don't work.

I just know the harder I try to be a good human being, the less I feel like one. I suppose I could go on for pages about being independent, but the truth is that eventually people need other people to feel good about themselves. I don't have that luxury. My good deeds go unseen and the good jokes go unheard.

I am nothing to anyone. I am the walking dead. You're reading a dead man's reply. You are reading nothing.

If you don't already have them, find yourself some good friends that appreciate you for being Remedy. Don't put yourself in my shoes. My shoes smell bad and don't fit.

Twitchy said:

I just know the harder I try to be a good human being, the less I feel like one.

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I think I have a theory about that. It may be because when you work to do good, you set yourself apart from society because most of society doesn't give a rat's ass about being good...so by doing good, you're actually isolating yourself from "bad" society. Lol it sounds kinda dumb but it does make sense, in a way.

I'm not reading nothing! I don't think I have the energy to make this a philosophical existence debate...haha...but I think you're too hard on yourself, Twitchy.

BTW my shoes smell too, but I blame it on the dogs, so it's OK.

----Steve

I'm not that way anymore, but I used to be, so yeah I can relate.

Remedy said:

.... The whole point of this thread is that I want to see if there is anyone that thinks the same way as me. ....

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You came up with a pretty good description of me.

Badjedidude said:

... I think you're too hard on yourself, Twitchy.

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He sure is.

Remedy said:

I'm just wondering if absolutely anyone can relate to how I feel. Most people tend to find someone else to always blame for everything but I always blame myself for everything. Everyone I meet never puts themselves down as much as I do or treats themselves as bad. I guess its from the years of being put down or treated like crap that has made me this way. I always think of others before myself all the time which is what usually makes me happy because I love seeing others feel happy. I hate myself because most people see me as just so ugly, I've never been in a relationship, and most people don't usually find me all that great to be around. I'm usually just shy, quiet, and never have anything to say when talking to people. So I guess those are all factors that make me hate myself because its just so hard to change.Those aren't significant factors enough to hate myself so much so I don't really know what it is. My happiness is dead last compared to other people's happiness when it comes to who wants what. The whole point of this thread is that I want to see if there is anyone that thinks the same way as me. I would be surprised if there was even one person who hates themself as much as I do because I just never see anyone putting themselves down. Its always some outside sources fault instead of their own. I doubt anyone will respond but is there anyone who can relate to such a hatred for themselves?

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I don't generally hate myself. I don't really like myself very much, but I mainly hate other people. People who pretend they're genuine but are happy to stab you in the back as soon as the first opportunity arises.

Don't take any honeysuckle from ANYBODY! There will be so many people in this life who are simply out to ridicule you and belittle you.

My advice is to cut them down to size and always remember that you're so, so, so much better than them.

Well, I can't agree with that! o_0

You shouldn't build up an image in your mind that you are honeysuckle but you're better honeysuckle than the shitty shits who pretend that they aren't honeysuckle. That doesn't get one very far, IMHO. It just leads to further self-isolation if you're "cutting them down to size" all the time.

----Steve

Badjedidude said:

You shouldn't build up an image in your mind that you are honeysuckle but you're better honeysuckle than the shitty shits who pretend that they aren't honeysuckle.

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Wow, that's really fun. Let me try...

What if we build up an image that we're all the same honeysuckle that shat the honeysuckle the shitty shitters shat?

Or perhaps our honeysuckle smells the same as the honeysuckle shat from shoddy shitting from shitters who shot the sheriff (but didn't shoot the deputy)?

Sorry...

LOL Should we really start this? I don't want to end up retyping the Bible with every other word replaced by "honeysuckle" or something.

But I agree with that honeysuckle you're shitting.

----Steve

Hey Remedy, I'm completely in Sync with you man, those were exactly the problems I had during life in High School.

First things first, never hate yourself, you know who you are, you know how well you can do, shyness can be cured, and being a social person is something that you learn, no one is born with a natural ability to talk and connect with everyone. The reason why some of us are shy/less social is because we didn't picked up the on it, either cuz of some family problems, or some emotional trauma, or any number of reasons.

TIPS

(a) the main thing to understand is that because the people that are social never stopped socializing they kept on building their social experiences, that's why you think you are inferior when it comes to socializing,

(b) but the main thing is, NEVER GIVE UP (things are only as hard as you think they are), your social growth is not stunted at this level, keep going, keep trying, and make it big yo.

(c ) as your experience in socializing is a bit under level, u have to work a bit harder to be in the loop, watch a bit of news here or there, read a net article, youtube once or twice, and gather information,

(d) its a lot easier to talk to some1 about a video when you have seen it too, when i was in your state of self-loathing i never bothered to keep connected with the world, and locked myself away in my own room...

(e) it may be hard to think that watching a few videos will help you become more interesting, but have faith! You watch a few videos, but if you find anyone that watched or liked the same video, you have an instant conversation with them to get your convo skills up

(f ) Now you have to focus on what you want once in a while, before I thought that by being nice and all, people will be nice to me, karma will grant me great luck, well...that never happened, every failure hurted my self esteem even more whether it was talking to a girl, talking to a person, or just trying to say hi, but getting ignored.

(g) Hopefully i'm totally connected with you by now, and that u are not alone. It took me 2 years to build my self image, self confidence, and to be able to just limp back on track to find my own happiness.Cuz I was going at it alone, but with connections to people who understand you i'm sure you can get on track faster.

(h) I've included a few helpful sites and reading materials to get your self-esteem up, but lemme tell you now, reading only gets you so far, you have to learn to pull urself up with your own strength.

Social Gatherings
Extraordinary Quality of Life

Hopefully i helped, if you have any other questions feel free to PM me.
Cheers and best of luck

SophiaGrace said:

what good will self-hatred do? Seriously. What good can come of it? Dont hate yourself....

A life of a human being is a miraculous thing. It is universally valued (this is why murder is wrong).

Value/love yourself.

Love your neighbor as you love YOURSELF. You must learn to love yourself before you can love others. For if you dont value yourself, how can others value you? You DO deserve to be valued. Dont let anyone tell you differently, not even yourself.

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I fully agree. Think about this for a minute everyone in the same boat as the original poster. If you spend 30 or 40 dollars on a self help MP3 and listen to it for a month and get better what is happening? Well a person is just saying good positve stuff to you and your subconscious mind is acting on it and you get better in some cases. Now what do you think will happen if you tell yourself all the time your a screw up, or stupid etc etc? you will believe this and thats what you will always think you are and never get better. No one is perfect you, me, the president, deal with that fact and get over it, Why prolong it?? say "ok i'm not perfect but then no one is" Thats it forget about it and get on with life. To futher my point its not good for you to do this to yourself its not healthy, there is no good outcomes of this, no beneficial factor on juding yourself so harshly and well i'd like to think that you would not take up a needle full of herion and inject it or smoke or drink in excess because these things are bad for your mind and body, but so is this unrealstic harsh self hatred for yourself. You would'nt abuse yourself with drugs or alcohol but your doing it another way with your own thoughts do ya see what i mean?

I am the exact same way. Everything, even things I didn't do, I think are my fault. My girlfriend left me two years ago. She said not a word to me about it, she just ran back to her old boyfriend and I guess pretended that the previous two months hadn't happened. Our relationship was incredibly one sided. I gave and I gave and I gave and got very little in return. Of course, I never really asked for anything, I was just so happy that I was actually with someone for a change that I really didn't care. All that mattered was that she was there and that she cared about me. Being with her was enough. But when she left, I was absolutely devastated, and felt that I had done something to make her leave. As it turned out, I had done nothing wrong, nothing to cause her to leave. She just did because she couldn't handle being apart from her ex.

I am assaulted by similar feelings of inadequacy that you are. I just feel certain that I could never measure up. I do not think I am a very attractive young man, I am certainly not very stylish. My ex-girlfriend is a very beautiful young woman, and I often wonder why she even dated me. She could have had any man she wanted, and yet she wanted to go out with me. But she did so obviously there must be something about me that made me worthwhile in her eyes.

Many things have helped me in the past and are helping me now:

1.) There is one Person who values you immensely right now and you may not be aware of it. God loves you. He loves you very much. And he loves you perfectly, completely. And that love is unchanging. You could burn down an orphanage and he would still love you. It is not based on how good you look or how smart you are or what you do. He loves you because he made you. He loves you so much that he sent Jesus Christ do die for you. "For God so loved the World that He sent his only begotten son that whosoever believes on him shall not perish but have everlasting life" (John 3:16). And that everlasting life he gives freely, no strings attached! He wants to be with you, he wants to spend eternity with you. God does not want you to hate yourself. He loves you and made you exactly the way you are for a very specific reason. You are who you are for his good purposes and I find that to be a very encouraging thought.

2.) Do not place so much value on what others think of you. Nearly all self-esteem problems come from focusing so much of our energy on what other people think. Newsflash: You do not have access to the thoughts of others! Much of what you think of yourself is based on you guessing what others think of you. I do the exact same thing. But you know what? For the most part, I'm wrong about what other people think about me. And, when I voice my opinion of what they are thinking about me or I apologize for some offense I feel I have committed, either real or imagined, they usually say things like "that's ok, don't worry about it." Most people are so self-absorbed anyway that they are not thinking about you so much, they are thinking about themselves and what others think of them!

3.) Seek professional help if you feel you need it. I am going to a therapist and he is teaching me how to think more positively about myself and where I am at in life. It helps me immensely to have someone who can understand what I am going through and who I can talk about issues I struggle with honestly.

Are all these things easy? No, they are not. I am a deeply religious person and I often wonder how number 1 could possibly be true. I mess up a lot! And I struggle a lot with what women think of me. I am often guilty of falling for the lie that what women want is a perfect, flawless man. Have you ever tried being perfect? It's impossible, but I still make the attempt. You want to know what makes its worse? I am very painfully aware that I am not perfect. In fact, sometimes when I hang out with girls, I am convinced that I am making a thousand mistakes a minute and that they are cataloging them all and thinking to themselves "he's such a spaz! No wonder he's single! And he's ugly too! How could any woman ever love him." But women don't want a perfect, flawless man. They want what we all want. They want to be loved and treasured for who they are. And, I found out in my relationship with my ex that I can give a woman that, without being perfect. The last one is hard too. It is very difficult sometimes to admit that we need help. And, even when we do seek the help, it takes a lot of effort to work past our issues and learn to think in a new way about ourselves and others.

Anyway, I know this has been really long and involved but I hope it will help you!

fresia it...just stop hating yourself. Keep it simple.
It's a simple chioce that you make to hate or to love. Then you act or react accordingly.

Maybe you had been conditioned or conditioned yourself and it became habitual.
This process is neatrual...We are creatures of habits. Simply condition yourself to love yourself.
It might take more effort at first to break the old habits. Work through some guilt and shame.
Change your thinking change your life...
Acting builds habits...Habits build charecter. Practicse....practise..practise...

Some people say ACT as if....that's becuase you're still in the process of breaking through guilt and shame mentally and emotionally.
Never the less...you're still in action or practise.

If you made mistakes...simply forgive yourself...move forward and learn from your mistakes.
Allow yourself to do so..Give yourself a break. No one is perfect.
We all make mistakes...it's a part of life.

Yes i think I'm the honeysuckle. If other people don't like it...that's their fucken problem. Screw ******* guilt.
I'm not competing or comparing myself to anyone...becuase I know I'm the honeysuckle

"I'm a child of god...I have the right to be here...no more nor no less than the moons and stars."
This statements simply is a reminder that...I AM the honeysuckle..


what good would it do to hate myself???..nothing, it's unhealthy as fresia.
We all have assets and liabilites. Our good qaulities and flaws. Self acceptence...Screw guilt.
Capitalize on your assets...work on your liablities.

Do not hate yourself or beat up yourself for making mistakes, having flaws or liabilties.
Stop punishing youself...

What good would it do to punish yourself ???...Nothing.
If you don't punish yourself...you'll have more time and energy to correct your mistake and move on with your life.

If you stopped beating up on yourself...eventually you'll have a brain fart moment. (commonsence)
"if i don't beat up on myself today or put myself down today...No SOB is going to beat up on me or put me down either."...Duh
You'll have courage to rid abusive, manipulative and adbrasive people out of your life.
Or you'll simply just walk away from a bad situations...still knowing you're the honeysuckle.
If you know you're the honeysuckle...you won't waste your time bragging, boasting or promoting yourself....becuase you're the honeysuckle.lol
If you know you're the honeysuckle..you won't be seeking approval from outside sources or be a doormate...

If you stop hating yourself...you'll be more open and have more times for other things..such as living, enjoying life and being happy.
Generally people wanna be around happy people..It'll be a natural process of you attracting poeple into your life...

If people tries to put you down...they have simply over step their boundaries . Tell them to fresia-off in whatever style sooth ya.

Self confidence, self worth, self esteem, I'm the honeysuckle...whatever term suits ya.

Mind over matter people, if your totally self-convinced at how useless u are, and start believing your own shityy advertisement and then you'll just sell the same crappy feeling to every other person you meet. and then they ignore u, or don't get too close with you or what not, and then you keep on hating ur own sorry self... well boo hoo...That's the F*ing truth of it, it's an endless cycle, and if you don't try to pull yourself together it's just going to get worse..

look at what lonesome cow wrote on habits and stuff,, he posted above me.... look at it and learn it, if you have a constant stream of self-hate going on internally, it's not going to get better if you just stand there and day dreaming about how some magically thing will save you in la-la land. It just doesn't work that way --> Life's simple, Not EASY. put some effort and you'll pull through,, it takes about 21 days to break a habit (Article Here), soo get started,.. like NOW

GL! and stay strong!

Self hate is difficult to understand but you need to develop some positive mental behaviors.

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